- [a customer has just bought one postage stamp]
- Customer: You got change for a hundred?
- Mr. Dilweg: No, no, but thanks for the compliment.
- His daughter: You don't love me, anymore!
- Mr. Dilweg: [Raises stick threateningly] Of course I love ya.
- Mrs. Dilweg: Don't you strike that child!
- Mr. Dilweg: She's not gonna tell ME I don't love her.
- Dyspeptic customer: A person hasn't got any rights in this country anymore! The government even tells you what color stamps you gotta buy!
- Mr. Dilweg: Yes, it's pretty tough. That's the Democratic Party for you. I've written to Washington about it.
- Dyspeptic customer: What do you want to write to Washington for? He's dead!