- Short Painter: Do you think we can get away with this artist racket?
- Tall Painter: Why, it's a cinch! Why, one time I painted a full length picture of Venus. But, it turned out to be a bust.
- Madame DuBerry: I am Madame DuBerry.
- Short Painter: Madame, you're the nuts.
- Madame DuBerry: No! Berry.
- Madame DuBerry: And you, Monsieur, what do you paint?
- Short Painter: I paint men and women.
- Madame DuBerry: In oil? On canvas?
- Short Painter: No, I paint men on one door and women on the other.
- Nightclub Performer: [singing] I like you a little bit / A little bit too much / Won't you be my sweet papa / We can make that ooh-la-la / Won't you join my love parade / Don't be afraid to touch / The moon above she is a lit / Let's make love and never quit / Cause I like you a little bit / A little bit too much.
- Nightclub Waiter: Bonsoir, Monsieur. Like something to eat, no?
- Tall Painter: Well, make up your mind.
- Woman in White Hat: The waiter, he say, you two boys are lonesome, huh?
- Short Painter: [to Tall Painter] Now I know why the Germans wanted to get to Paris.
- Woman in Black Beret: Before we can sit down with you we must know one thing.
- Tall Painter: What is that?
- Woman in Black Beret: Are you two boys married?
- Tall Painter: No, we're just very good friends.
- Woman in Black Beret: You are artists, no?
- Tall Painter: Are you asking me or telling me?
- Short Painter: Oh, we dabble a bit.
- Woman in White Hat: Do you etch?
- Tall Painter: Don't get personal!
- Woman in Black Beret: My uncle, he's the most famous sculptor in Paris.
- Tall Painter: That's nothin'! My uncle is the biggest chiseler in America.
- Woman in White Hat: My sweetheart is what you call the architect.
- Short Painter: He's a little absentminded, isn't he?
- Woman in White Hat: What made you say that?
- Short Painter: He left some of his blueprints on your neck.
- Short Painter: I'd like to come up and see you sometime when you're in the nude - I mean, the mood. How about Saturday?
- Woman in White Hat: Oh, no, I cannot. I'm getting married on Saturday. But, Sunday is all right.
- Short Painter: That fella's no gentlemen!
- Tall Painter: Well, what makes you think so?
- Short Painter: The least thing he could have done, before he started to beat her up, was to take off his hat.
- Woman in Black Beret: You don't understand. That is the unbashed way of showing his love for her and she love it.
- Short Painter: Oh, that's all I wanted to know.
- Woman in Black Beret: [after knocking down the Short Painter and dragging him off the dance floor] Aw, my caveman, I love you.
- Short Painter: So, that's the French way of makin' love.
- Short Painter: My uncle invented an invisible paint and anything you painted with it - became invisible.
- Tall Painter: That should have been worth plenty to the government during the war.
- Short Painter: He made 30,000 gallons of it. In fact, the government offered him a million dollars for it.
- Tall Painter: Well, why didn't he sell?
- Short Painter: He wanted to; but, when he went to look for it - he couldn't find it.
- Joe Burton: I don't want to go to Paris!
- Jack Burton: Neither do I.
- Joe Burton: Sit around all day painting a lot of nude women!
- Jack Burton: Yeah and drinking a lot of champagne all night long at some notorious cafe.
- Joe Burton: Yes and I've had my heart set on taking a post-graduate course in trigonometry!
- Jack Burton: Me too.
- Tall Painter: Oh, boy. I'm glad that's over! This is the first job we've had in six months and I hope its the last!
- Short Painter: So do I. I thought it'd never end.
- Judge at Art Exhibition: [approvingly observing a painting of a totally black canvas, titled "Underneath the Harlem Moon"] Aw, quite astounding! Astounding!