- Fifer Pig: Where are you going, Red Riding Hood?
- Fiddler Pig: What's in the basket? Something good?
- Little Red Riding Hood: I'm bringing Grandma cakes and wine. She's awful, awful sick. I'm in a great big hurry, too. I gotta get there quick.
- Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: You'll get there quick, Red Riding Hood, if you take the shortcut through the wood.
- Practical Pig: There's danger in them woods. Beware! The Big Bad Wolf is lurking there. Better to be safe than sorry. Shortcuts are not always good. Take the long road 'round the forest while the Wolf is in the wood.
- Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: [laugh] That old wolf is just a sissy.
- Fifer Pig: All he does is huff...
- Fiddler Pig: ...and puff.
- Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: We'll go with you and protect you. Come along, we'll call his bluff.
- Little Red Riding Hood: Good morning, Grandma. How do you feel today?
- Big Bad Wolf: [normal voice] Terrible.
- [clears throat, then speaks in Grandma voice]
- Big Bad Wolf: Not so hot, dearie.
- Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What big eyes you've got.
- Big Bad Wolf: All the better to look you over, dearie.
- Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What a big nose you've got.
- Big Bad Wolf: All the better to...
- [a la Jimmy Durante]
- Big Bad Wolf: Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha!
- [to audience]
- Big Bad Wolf: How'm I doin'?
- Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What a big mouth you've got.
- Big Bad Wolf: [normal voice] You ain't seen the half of it, dearie!
- [he lunges after Red and chases her around the room]
- Big Bad Wolf: [tries to catch the grandmother and Little Red Riding Hood hiding in a wardrobe] OPEN THE DOOR AND LET ME IN!
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