- Colonel Fitch: Don't forget - any time after half past eight. Now, don't be late.
- Lois: If you pardon the question, late to what?
- Colonel Fitch: Party! Mrs. Fitch and I are giving a party.
- Madge: Oh, is your wife entertaining?
- Colonel Fitch: Well, not very; but, I'm used to it now.
- Madge: [Madge and Lois get in bed together] What was that?
- Lois: I don't know.
- Madge: Aw! There's somebody in this bed!
- Colonel Fitch: [pulls down the covers, sees Madge and Lois laying beside him] Shall I - sleep in the middle?
- Telephone Operator: What a husband! I can't stand a man that doesn't trust me. Can you imagine him putting a mousetrap in his money pocket?
- Telephone Operator II: Say, that husband of mine is no bargain either. I don't mind the guy talking in his sleep, but when he just lies there and smiles!
- Frank: Of course, we have many nice models in small boats.
- Bunny: Smaller what?
- Frank: Boats!
- Bunny: I hate boats.
- Frank: But, you phoned our manager?
- Bunny: Oh, so I did. Oh, well, you see, I happen to be walking up Park Avenue this morning and I looked in your show window. Well, you were so attractive that I asked the manager to send you up to arrange for a demonstration.
- Tom: I took it to the cleaners to get it cleaned.
- Lois: Which cleaners?
- Tom: Huh? Oh, the one around the corner - the cleaning shop and laundry.
- Lois: You mean to say they're open at this hour? Ten o'clock at night!
- Tom: Those Chinamen work all the time.
- Lois: The place on the corner happens to be a French cleaning shop.
- Tom: Huh? The proprietor is from French Indo-China!
- Lois: [to drunk Tom wearing an feathered Indian Chief's headdress] Get back in your tepees and cut out the war whoops. I want to sleep.
- Hotel Party Guest: Look! It's gonna be a pajama party! Whoopee!
- [starts undressing]
- Tom: Any body that can handle my wife, like I have for 19 years, can handle any woman! Say, what I do to her!
- Colonel Fitch: I'm off duty at six every night and available as an escort anytime after that. I play the piano, croon, dance well, know all the roadhouses around here and have both a tuxedo and a tail coat. I'll be back.
- [exits]
- Telephone Operator II: [to Madge] He must be quite a handy man around here.
- Al: I had just finished my trapping for the season and I was up Juneau way looking over some of my gold mines - for quite a spell. When I got home I found out that my wife had been a-cheatin' on me.
- The Trapper: I see. And you know the man?
- Al: No. Not as well as my wife knows him!
- Al: I've got the goods on him, all right. He's an Eskimo.
- The Trapper: Aw, something new, at least. A hot Eskimo.
- Al: Oh, yes. It gets quite warm in Alaska at times.
- Al: You know, it kind of riles a feller's pride when he finds out that his wife's been cheatin' on him with an Eskimo. You know, I wouldn't mind it so much if it had been a white man or a ch-ch-ch, or a ch-ch, a three. But, I'll be derned if she's gonna get away with a Eskim-a, a Eskim-a, a - a, one of those fish peddlers from Alaska.
- Telephone Operator: Mrs. Peabody wants to see Al again.
- Telephone Operator II: She gets lonely every afternoon around this time.
- Frank: I ruined both our lives, just because I happened to get a little bit blotto. I'll never do it again.
- Mrs. Dillingworth: [in her low-cut bathrobe] Oh, Al, I was just about to take a bath and the stopper in my bath tub is broken again. Do you think you could fix it?
- Al: I can try Mrs. Dillingworth, I can try. A man can only do his best.
- The Trapper: But, I'll be derned, if I'm gonna let her get away with an Eskima-ma, an Eskima-ma, a, one of them caviar diggers from Alaska!
- Colonel Fitch: Did you knock?
- Bunny: So! This is why you moved out of our apartment, huh! So you could have pajama parties with women at three o'clock in the morning.
- Colonel Fitch: Well, my watch was stopped and I didn't know what time it was.
- Frank: Where's my wife?
- Tom: Where's my wife?
- Colonel Fitch: Oh, have you mislaid your wives?
- Bunny: You old reprobate! I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of you.
- Colonel Fitch: Oh, don't bother. I already know.
- Bunny: There's no excuse for this, you know. You're old enough to know better. I'm not only ashamed of you, I'm disappointed and disgusted. One woman isn't enough for you - you have to have two! Well, you flatter yourself! If those women knew you as well as I did, they wouldn't be wasting their time here.
- Colonel Fitch: Well, I do much better with strangers.
- Bunny: You both looked so respectable. Not at all the type of women who go having pajama parties with a married man!
- Tom: All right, little snookie-wookie. Now that you've ordered that fur coat, I, I suppose I'll have to pay for it, but that, that 25 hundred dollars is liable to drive me right into the bankruptcy court!
- Lois: Well, if you don't pay for it they'll drive you right into the morgue!
- Tom: 25 hundred dollars is just the initial cost. You've got to add to that the price of my breakfast every morning at Child's.
- Lois: What's the matter with the breakfast *I* get you?
- Tom: Well, the 19 years I've been married to you, I never had a chance to find out whether you can cook or not. You've always started a quarrel before I got started eatin'.
- Tom: [drunkenly] My friend, did you ever beat a hasty retreat through an open winda?
- Proprietor of Jim's Diner: You see this?
- [points to a large scar on his forehead]
- Proprietor of Jim's Diner: I didn't even have time to *open* the window.
- Tom: That's nuthin'. One night in Great Neck, her husband dropped in outta the clear sky, and I dropped out of the 2nd story winda. I've had flat feet ever since.
- [they laugh]
- Lois: [to Bunny Fitch] So you're the dame my husband's been running around with. I got a notion to scratch my initials all over your face.
- [Bunny gasps, her hand goes to her cheek]