- Anita 'Nita': I don't mind strange beds at all.
- Tony: If I'm not mistaken, it's a preference - that led to your recent divorce.
- Anita 'Nita': Yes, darling. And now it's going to lead to yours.
- Vernon: What's the matter?
- Anita 'Nita': Battle, murder and sudden death.
- George Lancaster: Oh, these young couples - the conflict of sex!
- Anita 'Nita': Oh, don't be so tragic, Tony, what's a little divorce?
- Tony: It's the end of everything.
- Anita 'Nita': Oh, don't be silly. Its no more serious than tonsils.
- Newspaper Column: What well-known lawyer just secured a divorce for a well-known woman - just married that well-known wife?
- Vernon: Did he, eh, ever hit you before?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: No. But, he's thrown things.
- Vernon: [Disbelievingly] No.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Yes!
- Vernon: When?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, a couple of nights ago he threw a slipper at me - one of mine, with heels. I still have the bruise - on my leg. I'll show you.
- [Starts to lift up her dress]
- Vernon: Well, eh, I'll take your word for that.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't you want to see my bruise.
- [Seductively, bats her eyelashes]
- Vernon: Vicki, you're really through with Tony?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, absolutely. I'm not going to have people say "poor little thing her husband beats her".
- Anita 'Nita': Good night.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, eh, there's a pink negligee in the closet. Its brand new and awfully cute!
- Anita 'Nita': Sounds exciting!
- Vernon: My client, your honor, asks for absolute divorce, on the grounds of extreme and intolerable cruelty. The plaintiff, as your honor can see, is a tiny, little woman. Little, more than a child. And she was the victim of a wonton, brutal, unprovoked assault by her husband - a man who weighs 183 pounds in his socks.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Stripped!
- Vernon: Tell, his honor, of the slipper incident.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, yes. Well, there was another night, we were just going to bed - so I didn't have much on - again he lost his temper. He threw a high heel slipper, so hard, that I had a bruise for days. Right here.
- [Points to her upper thigh]
- Vernon: How large was the bruise?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't you remember? I showed it to you.
- Tony: [Picks up a pair of lady's silk stockings from his dressing table] Tilford... Where did these come from?
- Tilford - Tony's Butler: They were clutched in your hand when you came home last night, sir.
- Tony: Was I very drunk, Tilford?
- Tilford - Tony's Butler: Pretty well tanked, sir.
- Tony: What are you here for, anyway?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Well, you asked me to lunch and dinner.
- Tony: What?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: And here I am.
- Tony: Doesn't your husband ever take you to lunch?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Don't be horrid. Bill's out-of-town, anyway.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Vicki wearing a backless dress. In walks Tony and Nita] There are two beastly hooks here I can't fix.
- [Nita tries to help]
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Well, Tony, come here and let me see you.
- [to Nita]
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, your hands are just like ice. Tony, you do it for me. Aren't you going to kiss me? It's all right, you know.
- [to Nita]
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: His hands are always so nice and warm.
- [to Tony]
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Thanks. You've always been a great hooker-upper.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, Tony, you used to like me in black. Everything had to be black. Nighties, under clothes, and everything! Remember?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Tony, you're a beast!
- Tony: I know, that's why you divorced me; because of my beastly little treatment of you.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Don't, Tony!
- Tony: The trouble was, I had the wrong technique. I've been going to the movies quite a lot recently and there the girls are quite different. They get kicked around and pushed in the face, with grapefruit and they love it!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Opening up a candy box] Mmmm. Everything looks so good, I could never make up my mind.
- Tony: Always your failing.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, I thought this was going to be a Brazil nut and it isn't. Here, you finish it.
- Tony: Not me.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why not? You used to like finishing my candy.
- George Lancaster: I was just thinking, what a lot of interesting things one would see if ceilings were made of glass.
- Vernon: VIcki, look. Look! That darn fool girl's got this cuff button in wrong!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Now, stop raving and I'll fix it for you.
- Tony: Good, ole Edna. She always used to get 'em in cockeyed for me, too!
- Vernon: You don't have to remind me that we also share the same maid.
- Vernon: What shall I do?
- Tony: I'll tell you what I'd do, smash that door. Kick it down! Grab hold of her and kiss her until she's black-and-blue and if she wouldn't let me, I'd roll up my sleeves and beat the daylights outta her! And why the devil I'm giving you the advice I was too much of a sap to take myself, is more than I can figure!
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Where do we go from here, Tony?
- Tony: Make me a proposition.
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Can't we go somewhere where it's less crowded? Less noisy?
- Tony: Meaning you'd like to come home with me?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Why not?
- Tony: I feel I should stay and do a little serious drinking.
- Tilford - Tony's Butler: Pardon me, madame, but, did you have an appointment with Mr. Wallace?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, does Mr. Wallace usually see, eh, ladies by appointment at this hour?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Who was that?
- Tony: Vernon. It appears that my - his - our wife ran away. He seems to think she might be here.
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: How fascinating. Would that be so very wrong if she were?
- Tony: Oh, yes, in deed. In marriage when you leave before the final curtain, you get no rain checks or other privileges.
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: Well, then, kiss me.
- Tony: You have a one track mind. Let's get drunk, shall we?
- Tony: Aren't you afraid that I'll start kicking you around, with my reputation?
- Mrs. Bonnie Durham: [Leans in] Well, I wish you'd start something.
- Tony: Well, don't embarrass me. I'll get around to - something.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Hello, Tony.
- Tony: Well, I'll be! What the devil are you doing here?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I've been here a long time. I was in your bedroom.
- Tony: Vernon's been telephoning like a mad man.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Yes, I know, I left him. I ran away!
- Tony: I ought to break your neck.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why don't you? I deserve it. I heard what you said to Vernon.
- [Leans in and smiles]
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why don't you?
- Tony: No, his job, not mine.
- Tony: Go back to your husband.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I have come back to him.
- Tony: Oh, no. You can't commute between husbands.
- Edna - Vicki's Maid: [Interrupting the bridge game, addressing Mrs. Wallace] Mr. Thorpe is wanted on the telephone, ma'am.
- Vernon: For me?... Thank you.
- Vernon: [politely excusing himself from the table] Courtesy of the table.
- Tony: [gruffly] What?
- Vernon: I said, "The courtesy of the table."
- Tony: [snarkily] Okay... What do you want, a salute of 21 guns?
- Tony: Vicki, this flow of humor is just a little more than I can bear!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, now don't be irritable, precious.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [to Anita] He thinks he looks very dignified, but he's not a bit, really.
- Tony: [getting very annoyed] Vicki, cut it out!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Well, darling, you *are* irritable!
- Tony: Well, who wouldn't be? You make me absolutely impotent with rage!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [mockingly] You mean, "diced carrots"? Ha ha ha...
- Tony: [abruptly gets up and slaps her across the face, knocking the bridge table over] Oh, Vicki, I'm *terribly* sorry!
- George Lancaster: [Hears the commotion, comes rushing back into the room] What's the matter? What happened!
- Anita 'Nita': He hit her.
- George Lancaster: On the level?
- Anita 'Nita': On the nose, I think.
- [George gives out a whistle]
- Tony: [Trying to apologize for having slapped her] Vicki, darling, please forgive me... I'm terribly sorry.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: For heaven's sake, don't start to weep all over me.
- Tony: Oh, I'm terribly sorry...
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: It's a little too late for that. I'm through.
- Tony: Oh, Vicki...
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: I'm sorry, Tony. I've made up my mind.
- Tony: Oh, you're kidding!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: No, it's all over. I *won't* live with a man that hits me.
- Tony: Oh, Vicki, you can't. You know I love you. You know I'm crazy about you...
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, yes! And you're *so* demonstrative!
- Vernon: Vicki, you're really through with Tony?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, absolutely. I'm not gonna' have people say, "Poor little thing, her husband beats her." Could you handle it for me?
- Vernon: [slightly taken aback] You wish to retain me as your lawyer?
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Oh, now don't use big legal nasty phrases like "retain." I want a nice quiet divorce, in words of not more than two syllables.
- Vernon: [primly] It will be final - in plain English.
- George Lancaster: [regarding Tony] Well, what's gnawing at *his* vitals?
- Anita 'Nita': Oh, nothing, George. They've had a little spat.
- George Lancaster: Mm-hmm. The trouble with "spats" is, they come in pairs.
- [proceeds to laugh at his little joke]
- Vernon: I'm in a very curious position. Vicki wants a divorce. She wants me to take the case.
- Tony: [dismissively] She hasn't got a case.
- Vernon: You struck her. That was a cowardly, brutal thing to do. A defenseless, helpless little woman.
- Tony: [laughs] Ha! You're talking to her husband, not the jury!
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: [Tony has angrily walked out, slamming the door shut behind him] I wish people wouldn't bang doors. It sounds so final.
- Tony: I feel an awful ass calling on Vicki with flowers and candy. Seems sort of silly.
- Tony: [Edna walks by, giving Tony a knowing look] I never liked that woman. Never did. When she opened the door just now, she sort of smirked at me. You know, "Somebody else in your shoes now, you poor fish."
- Anita 'Nita': Edna's a treasure. Vicki would never give *her* the air.
- Tony: *I* was a treasure once.
- Anita 'Nita': *Edna* never hit her.
- Tony: [giving Vicki gifts of flowers and candies] Here, I, uh, I brought these.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: Why, Tony! You never used to bring me flowers before we were divorced. And candy, too! How nice!
- Tony: [leaves the room to call out for George] George, George!
- George Lancaster: What do you want?
- Tony: You win!
- George Lancaster: [laughs mockingly] Ah, ha ha ha ha!
- Anita 'Nita': [Tony goes back to the room with Anita and Vicki] Well, what *does* he win, and why?
- Tony: He won just a little bet - 25 bucks.
- Anita 'Nita': Don't be so mysterious.
- Tony: Well... I asked George, "Should I bring flowers." And he said, "You never used to take her flowers." And I said, "No." And he said, "Well, I wouldn't. She'll only make some crack about when you were married." And I said, "Oh, no, she wouldn't be so tactless!" And so we had a little bet about it... and you said it, and I lost.
- Anita 'Nita': It was rather tactless at that.
- Vicki Wallace Thorpe: If you had an ounce of tact you'd have left five minutes ago to powder your nose!