- Maj. Manning: Those gentlemen are the new salesmen.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Fine mess of humanity.
- Larry 'Horace' Tucker: The boys will just work in the back on the telephones.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Good thing they haven't perfected television.
- Nancy Dorsey: I don't know what you boys have in mind; but, whatever it is, I can tell you right now that the answer is no.
- Larry 'Horace' Tucker: The chump never lived that could keep a snood out of the stock market while his panties were being weighed down with a big bank roll.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: I've been planning to shake this farm thing ever since I got planted in it.
- Nancy Dorsey: Wall Street's your heaven. Your happiness depends on it just as much as it does on me - more, I guess.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Some of the best people in Wall Street are interested in this deal.
- Nancy Dorsey: Who?
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Who?
- Nancy Dorsey: Who?
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Who? Some of the - best people in Wall Street.
- Nancy Dorsey: Yes, well, darling, some of the best people in Wall Street are some of the worst people in the world.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Yeah, I know what you mean; but, we've got some of the best.
- Nancy Dorsey: Who?
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Who?
- Maj. Manning: Once the stock market virus gets in your veins, it's impossible to rid yourself of it. I have tried retirement several times; but, always the urge to return has overpowered me. My castle in Scotland held me only a few months. My ranch in Wyoming even less. I thought that my estate in Tarrytown would do it. But, it was the same story.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: My, my.
- Larry 'Horace' Tucker: The Major has a little place up the river that held him a little longer.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: Well, I guess I won't have any such trouble. I've got just a small room up in Yonkers and it's always kind of a relief getting out of it.
- Maj. Manning: This list contains the names of thousands of potential buyers of Golden Dream Common. Now, it's up to you gentlemen to phone these suckers - eh, these good people and acquaint them with all the advantages of investing their money in this stock. Just what those advantages are, I'll leave to Mr. Dorsey to explain. I trust that you all thoroughly understand that under no circumstances are you to write these prospects. There seem to be some very disagreeable little laws about conducting our particular type of business through the United States Mails - as you know. So, just keep your patter on your tongue and don't let it get to your fingers. If you're ever tempted to write, just remember they not only use ink to print words, but, also to make fingerprints. If you start with a pen you end in a pen. And that, my friends, is what the gentlemen meant when he said the pen is mightier than the sword.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: All right, boys, get busy. We sell to everybody but women and children - and ourselves.
- Hagar - Salesman: One dollar, four quarters, ten dimes, a hundred tiny pieces of copper. Now, how about it Mr. Wilkins, can I put you down for 5,000 shares?
- Nancy Dorsey: Some day you guys are gonna discover that those suckers are more than just names on a list or voices on a telephone. They're people. Real people! And they need that money that you take away from 'em for their homes and their kids and - well, someday there's gonna be a suckers rebellion. I hope!
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: What do you do with yourself around here?
- Sam Taylor: Just sit.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: Just sit?
- Sam Taylor: Sit and - think.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: What do you sit and think about?
- Sam Taylor: Oh, just sit and think about life and things.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: Well, what's the use of sitting and thinking about it when you ain't gonna do anything about it?
- Sam Taylor: Well, the more you sit and think about it - the more you realize there ain't nothin' you can do about it.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: I came out here looking for gold.
- Sam Taylor: Shucks! You don't have to look fer it around here. It's practically lookin' fer you.
- Malcom J. 'Dinky' Winthrop: What?
- Sam Taylor: Sure. I done some diggin' by the side of the hill and it's there all right. I'll bet my Sunday hat on it!
- Insp. Mallory: You can tell the rest of the gang I know they greased that moose to withdraw his charges.
- Lazarus Hubert Gregory 'Cupid' Dougal: Inspector, how can you say a thing like that?
- Insp. Mallory: Why, I just move my lips and it comes right out.
- Lazarus Hubert Gregory 'Cupid' Dougal: You talk like you expect something phony. We're reformed.
- Insp. Mallory: Yeah - the last time I told the Chief that you'd reformed, he demoted me.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Tell 'em to hold on. Tell 'em it's goin' to 50. Tell 'em we discovered radium there too!
- [last lines]
- Nancy Dorsey: Wait a minute. Oh, Mr. Winthrop!
- [kisses Mr. Winthrop's forehead]
- Insp. Mallory: Wait a minute.
- [kisses Mr. Winthrop's forehead]
- Motorcycle Policeman: Wait a minute.
- Steven A. 'Steve' Dorsey: Wait a minute.
- [kisses Nancy]
- Motorcycle Policeman II: Wait a minute.
- [tears up the speeding ticket]
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