- William Hobbs: C'mon, drink your milk. It'll make your hair curly.
- Claude Horton: I hate curly hair. I don't even like rosy cheeks!
- William Hobbs: The servants have all quit.
- Claude Horton: You're crazy!
- William Hobbs: There they go, takin' the bus...They said they wouldn't work for a stupid-lookin' egg like you.
- Claude Horton: And you let 'em call me a stupid-looking egg?
- William Hobbs: Well, there is a resemblance, sir.
- Claude Horton: That'll cost you one hundred dollars.
- William Hobbs: You better make it two hundred.
- Claude Horton: Two hundred?
- William Hobbs: I told them what I thought you looked like.
- William Hobbs: I can't have Florence see me like this!
- Claude Horton: Still thinkin' about Florence? I thought my wife was your big interest.
- William Hobbs: Your wife?...why that frowsy-lookin' frump!
- Claude Horton: Frowsy-lookin' frump, eh? That'll cost you ninety dollars.
- William Hobbs: 90?
- Claude Horton: I'm knocking off 10 percent because I agree with you!
- William Hobbs: I'm just beginning to realize what a racket this butlering is. Why don't you become a butler? The rest'll do you good.
- Claude Horton: Hobbs, as your master, I insist that you be miserable!
- Claude Horton: So, my haughty lady...I'm not good enough for you, eh?
- Nettie Horton: Well, it finally dawned on you.
- Claude Horton: So you admit that you've been carrying on with the butler!
- Nettie Horton: Which butler?
- [Horton slaps butler Hobbs in the face]
- William Hobbs: What's that for?
- Claude Horton: That's for calling me a mongoose.
- William Hobbs: I called you that weeks ago!
- Claude Horton: Well, I just saw a picture of one in a book...besides, I'm too tall for a mongoose!
- William Hobbs: How much would you charge me to call you a half-witted horse's neck?
- Claude Horton: A half-witted horse's neck? Now let me see...that'll cost you a hundred.
- William Hobbs: Make it $75!
- Claude Horton: What do you think this is...a cut-rate drugstore? One hundred!
- William Hobbs: One hundred for a little thing like that? Why you cheap, chiseling crook!
- Claude Horton: That's the hundred.
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