Quotes

Another Fine Mess

Stan: [as Agnes the Maid] Bedrooms, let's see, there's mine and the master's and the master's and mine. That's four.
Lady Plumtree: No no, there's the master's then yours. That's two.
Stan: Oh, yeah. Then there's the nursery.
Lady Plumtree: A nursery? I didn't know the colonel was married.
Stan: Oh, he has that in case of accidents.

Stan: [posing as the butler] You wish to see Colonel Buckshot?
Lord Leopold Plumtree: Why, I'd LOVE to! Hauw-haw-haw-huh-huh-huh-huh!
Stan: [turning away and calling toward the stairway] Colonel Buckshot!
[a few seconds pass with no answer]
Stan: Oh, Ollie - - uh - - Colonel Buckshot!
[No answer]
Stan: [speaking to Lord Plumtree and his wife] Wait there.
[He walks several yards to the foot of the stairs, then cups his hand to his mouth and hollers up the stairs]
Stan: Colonel BUCKshot...
[using his classic shrill whistle]
Stan: ... HHREEE-YER-REEET!
Ollie: [posing as Colonel Buckshot] What is it, Hives?
Stan: [wincing at the derogatory name Hardy has chosen for him] Lord Appletree - - he wants to rent a room.
Lord Leopold Plumtree: No, no, my dear fellow - - 'PLUMtree'. 'PLUMtree'. Lord Leopold 'Plumtree' - - my card. And I wish to rent the entire HOUSE.
[inspects the new card that Lord Plumtree has given him, then absently tosses the first card away]

Lord Leopold Plumtree: [to Stan who is dressed as the maid] Pardon me, are you any relation to the butler?
Ollie: Oh, yes, yes, they're twins. You see, one was born in Detroit, the other in Mee-ami.
[laughs]
Lord Leopold Plumtree: I don't quite understand.
Ollie: Oh, that's all right. Neither do they.
[laughs]

Lady Plumtree: Agnes, how long have you been here?
Stan: [in drag as the maid] About half an hour.
[realizing what she has said]
Stan: Oh, heh!
[laughs]
Stan: How silly of me! I'm so nervous. Heh, I mean half a year - to be exact, three months!

Policeman: Say, Kelly, did a couple of bozos come through here?
Policeman: Yeah, a couple just ran in there, why?
Policeman: Well, they was trying to make a *hotel* out of the city park - - they had even put a couple of benches together so they could have twin beds! And when I told them to move on, the little fella tips his hat and says "yes ma'am." That's what I'm sore about!
Ollie: [after finding that they have gotten locked into Colonel Buckshot's cellar by the doors' outside latch-hooks falling shut] Well - - here's another nice mess you've gotten me into. "Yes, *Ma'am*"
[disgustedly takes a half-hearted swing at Stan]

Lord Leopold Plumtree: Oh, by the way, Colonel, do you have any horses?
Ollie: [posing as Colonel Buckshot] I'm sorry... I've just shipped all my horses to my plantation in Kentucky.
Lord Leopold Plumtree: Kentucky? What part of Kentucky do you come from, Colonel?
Ollie: [fondly and grandly] Omaha... dear old Omaha!
Stan: I thought Omaha was in Wisconsin.

Ollie: Ahhh... at last I have found it, Lord Appletree!
Lord Leopold Ambrose Plumtree: Plumtree, my dear fellow! Plumtree! Accent on the "Lum". My card.
[He reaches in his pocket for another card, but accidentally takes out three cards at once, which he hands to Hardy]
Ollie: [leafing through the cards and reading them off one-by-one] "Plumtree"... "Plumtree"... "Plumtree"... I am awfully sorry.

Lord Leopold Plumtree: [shaking his hand in surprise and pain after the brace holding up the lid of the piano vibrates loose and the lid falls shut and pinches Lord Plumtree's finger] Oh, I say! I SAY!
Ollie: Oh, I beg your pardon, Lord Figtree!
Lord Leopold Plumtree: 'PLUMtree!' 'PLUMtree'! Lord Leopold 'Plumtree'!
[He hands Hardy another card]
Ollie: Ah, a thousand pardons - - my mistake!

Ollie: There's a picture I must show you. That's a gondola going through the Panama Canal - in Venice.

Talking Titles, Talking Titles: Dear ladies and gentlemen, Hal Roach presents for your entertainment and approval, Laurel and Hardy, in their latest comedy entitled, "Another Fine Mess".

Lord Leopold Ambrose Plumtree: [to Lady Plumtree] Now dear, will you return to the depot and attend to our trunks; while I go over final details with dear old Bucky.
Ollie: [pretending to be Col. Buckshot] Quite right, Plummy.

Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot: Now bear in mind, Reytnold, i'm leaving everything in your care. Be sure that the person who rents my house is reliable. A person you could trust!

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