Quotes

Mexican Spitfire's Elephant

Diana De Corro: You silly boy, I want to see you again.
Lord Basil Epping: Oh, you do, eh? Why?
Diana De Corro: You know.
Lord Basil Epping: Do I?
Diana De Corro: Of course. I thought we might take up where we left off New Year's Eve.

Uncle Matt Lindsay: Wait, I've got to leave.
Carmelita Lindsay: Well, if I don't practice now, what am I gonna learn my artificial perspiration?
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Artificial perspiration?
Carmelita Lindsay: Uh-Huh!
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, we'll have to practice perspiring some other time.

Dennis Lindsay: Oh, now you're acting like a child.
Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, so now I'm acting like a child. Now, let me tell you one thing or six things!

Uncle Matt Lindsay: I know we always pal around together, darling; but, this isn't just like going to a baseball game, this is war.

Carmelita Lindsay: Why do you lie to me, Dennis?
Dennis Lindsay: Oh, that's no way to talk to me, Carmelita. Calling me a liar.
Carmelita Lindsay: I didn't call you a liar. I only said that you don't tell the truth.

Carmelita Lindsay: Where are you going?
Dennis Lindsay: Oh, on some business, sweetheart. It'll be very boring for you.
Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, I don't mind. As long as I'm with you. I be quiet as a little moose.

Carmelita Lindsay: Listen, Uncle Matt, when I get to be real good, I'm gonna go to those Red X meetings.
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yeah. Red X meetings?
Carmelita Lindsay: Sure!
Uncle Matt Lindsay: No, darling, you mean the Red Cross.

Aunt Della Lindsay: Dennis, don't you think you could give our show an international flavor if we had representative acts from all the United Nations?
Dennis Lindsay: Yeah, I guess so.
Aunt Della Lindsay: We have Russian dancers and a Cossack Choir from Russia and little Dutch girls in wooden shoe dances and Mrs. Brown saying she can get us a Chinese magician!
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, Della, I almost forgot. I know where you can get some trained rabbits.
Aunt Della Lindsay: Rabbits? What country do they represent?
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Easter Island. - - Easter. Rabbits. Easter. - Forget it.

Luigi: Perhaps you would like to come and work for me without fighting with the husband, eh?
Carmelita Lindsay: I'm afraid Dennis wouldn't approve of that.
Luigi: Very well. But, if you change your mind, I'll hold the job out for you.

Lord Basil Epping: Dear me, there's that huntress person.
Dennis Lindsay: Say, just who is she?
Lord Basil Epping: Oh, I'll be hanged if I know. You know how all those things happen.

Reddy: Look, you're in a spot. Now, don't you come back here again empty handed. Go on. Beat it!
Lord Basil Epping: Huh?
Reddy: Beat it!
Lord Basil Epping: Beat an elephant? Oh, no. They'd never forget.

Reddy: Listen, you. You know I don't want any money. All I want from you is that black and white onyx elephant.

Reddy: Now listen to me. I'm getting awfully tired of this. I'm telling you now for the last time. What I want is an elephant.
Lord Basil Epping: Oh, yes, yes. Get an elephant. Yes, yes. Lovely pets. I had a white elephant once.
Reddy: I'm not interested in your white elephant! I want a black and white one.
Lord Basil Epping: Black and white elephant? I should say that's a bit silly, don't you think? Aren't you confused with a zebra?
Diana De Corro: He's talking about the elephant you put in your trunk, Lord Epping!
Lord Basil Epping: Trunk? Elephant trunk? Oh! Rather good. I like that. That was spot on, that.

Carmelita Lindsay: You know that blonde, who I catch with Dennis.
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes.
Carmelita Lindsay: Well, she's out there with her boyfriend.
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, she's got a boyfriend.
Carmelita Lindsay: And how! And I heard him tell Lord Epping that if he didn't give him a little present, he was going to be something or else.
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Why, that sounds like blackmail.
Carmelita Lindsay: Male or female, it's still black.

Carmelita Lindsay: Remember that time you put a goat face like Lord Epping and you look more like him than he does himself?
Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes. Yes, that was your idea. But, I'll never do that again.

Lord Basil Epping: Tell me, have you ever seen a black and white elephant?
Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: No, I never seen a black and white elephant. But, I bet you've seen many a pink one with green spots.

Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: So, when the guy yells, "stick 'em up", I let him have it with a beer bottle.
Lord Basil Epping: Beer bottle?
Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: Right on the coconut.
Lord Basil Epping: Beer and coconuts? Dear me, that's a frightful mixture.
Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: After that, it was duck soup.
Lord Basil Epping: I thought you said it was beer and coconuts?
Joe the Villa Luigi Bartender: I mean after I knock the guy out, the rest was easy! The cops came in and put the handcuffs on him.
Lord Basil Epping: Yes. Handcuffs? Oh dear me, that reminds me, my wife is waiting for me.

Agent Arnold - U.S. Customs: I personally think that we're trailing the wrong guy.
Chief Customs Inspector: We're not wrong. Keep the fire burning and somethings bound to boil over.
Agent Arnold - U.S. Customs: Okay, we're doing everything but sleep with the guy.

Luigi: Oh Signore, I'm so sorry this thing has to happen. I present a thousands apologetics!

Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, why you little jigger bug, you.
Lord Basil Epping: What's this all for? What's this?
Carmelita Lindsay: Why, lovey-dovey, you know, you know.
Lord Basil Epping: I know?
Carmelita Lindsay: Sure! Sure.
[to Reddy]
Carmelita Lindsay: You don't mind if we mush a little, do you?
Reddy: I don't care what you do!
Carmelita Lindsay: Well, I'm glad because we both crazy about each other, ain't we?

Luigi: My friend, in one more second, you are going to be bounce.
Lord Basil Epping: I beg your pardon.
Luigi: I am going to bounce you!
Lord Basil Epping: Bounce?
Luigi: Were you ever bounce before?
Lord Basil Epping: Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes. Yes, my mother used to bounce me on her knee when I was a baby.
[singing]
Lord Basil Epping: Riding a horse...

Uncle Matt Lindsay: What do you expect me to do? Punch myself in the nose, Sugar Puss?

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