- Henry Leek: I'm afraid, sir, I have a confession or two to make.
- Priam Farll: Don't be a fool. Never make a confession until you actually feel rigor mortis setting in. You might recover.
- Henry Leek: No, this time I'm done for. I know.
- Priam Farll: Nevertheless, I don't want to hear it. Why, I haven't the slightest doubt that you are a first-rate scoundrel at heart. If you don't mind my saying so, you're such a shady-looking individual.
- Dr. Caswell: Oh, didn't I read somewhere where he ran away from England some years ago to marry a Fiji witch or something?
- Priam Farll: It was far more likely sir, that he ran away from England years ago to escape your wife.
- Dr. Caswell: Great Scott, did he know her?
- Priam Farll: I speak, of course, sir, in hyperbole.
- Priam Farll: Now, how on earth could a brewery have financial trouble? Look at the beer people drink - buckets of it. Why, I myself must have put away several hundred thousand gallons of it.
- Alice Chalice: That's what father used to say. Put your faith in an Englishman's thirst is as gold in the bank, he says.
- Priam Farll: Why don't you believe that I was married to that woman?
- Alice Chalice: I may not know everything about you, but I do know one thing; you have never been married before.