- Bugs Bunny: [bitter] Yeah, the turtle always wins. How does he do it? I can't understand it. It's against the laws of nature. Why, it just ain't in the cards. A turtle beating me, a rabbit! A natural speed merchant! Why, I'm in the pink. Yeah, I'm an athlete. I've got an athlete's physi-que. Sure! I've got an athlete's legs. Certainly! I even got athlete's foot. How does that moron do it? I'll find out his secret if is the last thing I ever do! And I will, too.
- [Bugs is at Cecil's door, disguised as an old man]
- Cecil Turtle: Hello, old timer.
- Bugs Bunny: Hello, Johnny. Tell me, Johnny. How come you always beat that rabbit?
- Cecil Turtle: Clean living, friend. Clean living.
- Bugs Bunny: That ain't the way I heard it, Johnny. The way I heard it, you have a secret way of winning. What is it, huh?
- Cecil Turtle: Well, I'll tell you. The secret is modern design. You know, streamlining. Yup, we turtles are built for racing.
- [Bugs types on a typewriter hidden on his beard]
- Cecil Turtle: [Pulls out a blueprint of his shell] You can see for yourself, we got an airflow chassis. Yes siree, Pop. An airflow chassis.
- [Taps his shell]
- Cecil Turtle: Now take rabbits. They're built all wrong for racing.
- [Bugs types some more]
- Cecil Turtle: Those ridiculous ears. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Wind resistance, son. Just wind resistance.
- [Bugs types some more, then Cecil resets the typewriter for him; He closes the door, then comes back out again]
- Cecil Turtle: Another thing: rabbits aren't very bright, either.
- [Closes door]
- Bugs Bunny: Oh, that little so-and-so!
- Mrs. Turtle: Who was it, Cece?
- Cecil Turtle: Well, sweetie face, it was that rabbit again. I think he's about ready for another race.
- Rabbit Bookee: We're betting everything we got on the rabbit to win. In fact, we don't even think that the turtle will finish. Do we, boys?
- Rabbit Thugs: [Brandishing weapons] Eh, no, boss. No.
- Bugs Bunny: Hey, look, folks! I'm ahead! I'm in the lead! I'm gonna win, yeah! Hooray for the rabbit! Hooray! Look at me go! Look at me go!
- Bugs Bunny: You fools! What are you doing? I'm the rabbit! The rabbit! Look, I'm the rabbit!
- Rabbit Thugs: Eh, now he tells us.
- [shoot themselves in the head]
- [Bugs, who is disguised as the turtle, gets ambushed and attacked by the thug rabbits, who think he really is the turtle]
- Rabbit Thugs: [attacking Bugs] Take that, ya doity toitle! Take that!
- Bugs Bunny: Toitle, shmoitle! I'm the rabbit!
- Rabbit Thugs: You're da toitle!
- Bugs Bunny: Rabbit!
- Rabbit Thugs: Toitle!
- Bugs Bunny: Rabbit!
- Rabbit Thugs: Toitle!
- Bugs Bunny: Rabbit!
- Rabbit Thugs: Toitle!
- [Cecil is standing nearby, dressed as a rabbit and chomping on a carrot]
- Cecil Turtle: Yep, that's the toitle all right.
- [Cecil continues on with the race, hopping along and cheered on by the thug rabbits]
- Rabbit Thugs: Hooray for the rabbit! He's my boy! Woohoo!
- Cecil Turtle: [to audience] I told you rabbits aren't very bright.
- Rabbit Thugs: [after spotting Bugs run by in his turtle suit] Uh, duh, duh, hey yous guys, here comes the toitle!