Cary Grant: Mortimer Brewster

Arsenic and Old Lace

Mortimer Brewster

Mortimer Brewster: Look I probably should have told you this before but you see... well... insanity runs in my family...
[he hears Abby and Martha singing]
Mortimer Brewster: It practically gallops.

[last lines]
Mortimer Brewster: No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge!
[he runs off across the cemetary]
Cab Driver: And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!

Mortimer Brewster: Look, you can't do things like that! Now, I don't know how I can explain this to you. But, it's not only against the law, its wrong!
Martha Brewster: Oh, piffle!
Mortimer Brewster: It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is developing into a very bad habit!

Mortimer Brewster: The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy Brewster: Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster: Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster: Crows.
Mortimer Brewster: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster: On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster: There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.

Aunt Martha: For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Mortimer Brewster: Hmm. Should have quite a kick.

Lt. Rooney: Who are you? What's your name?
Mortimer Brewster: Well, usually I'm Mortimer Brewster, but I'm not quite myself today.

[on the telephone]
Mortimer Brewster: Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure?
[hangs up]
Mortimer Brewster: Well, then I must be here.

Mortimer Brewster: I saw a play last week, it had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathon.
Abby Brewster: Oh, really?
Mortimer Brewster: Yeah, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called "Murder Will Out".
Abby Brewster: Oh, dear!
Mortimer Brewster: Yeah, what a play. When the curtain goes up the first thing you see is a dead body. The next thing...
[opens the window seat and finds a dead body]

Mortimer Brewster: Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve men down in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Aunt Abby Brewster: Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.

Mortimer Brewster: I probably should have told you this before but, you see, well... insanity runs in my family.
[He hears Abby and Martha singing]
Mortimer Brewster: It practically gallops!

Mortimer Brewster: Look, Aunt Martha, men don't just get into window seats and die!
Abby Brewster: We know, dear. He died first.
Mortimer Brewster: Wait a minute! Stop all this. Now, look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster: Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster: How did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster: Well, we put it in wine, because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
Mortimer Brewster: You mean, you... You put it in the wine!
Abby Brewster: Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, because Reverend Harper was coming.
Mortimer Brewster: Now, look at me, darling. You mean, you mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby Brewster: Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, it's first-degree.
Abby Brewster: Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. I do think that Aunt Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.

Teddy Brewster: [Mr. Witherspoon has just met Teddy and Teddy pulls Mortimer aside] Is he trying to move into the White House before I've moved out?
Mortimer Brewster: Who?
Teddy Brewster: [points to Mr. Witherspoon] Taft!

Mortimer Brewster: But there's a body in the window seat!
Aunt Abby: Yes, dear, we know.
Mortimer Brewster: You know?
Martha Brewster: Of course!
Aunt Abby: Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Mortimer Brewster: Forget?
Aunt Abby: We never dreamed you'd peek.
Mortimer Brewster: What the...?

Mortimer Brewster: [trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, Jonathon. Be a good fellow. Here's ten dollars. Go out and haunt yourself a hotel?

Martha Brewster: [about the men they have poisoned] Let me see, now. This is eleven, isn't it, Abby?
Abby Brewster: Oh, no, dear. This makes twelve.
Martha Brewster: Abby, dear. I think you're wrong. This one is only eleven.
Abby Brewster: No, dear, because I remember when Mr. Hoskins first came in, it occurred to me that he'd make just an even dozen.
Martha Brewster: But, Abby, dear. I really don't think you should count the first one.
Abby Brewster: Oh, I was counting the first one, and that makes it twelve.
Martha Brewster: It does? Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is. I get them mixed up sometimes.
Mortimer Brewster: Makes it twelve? Twelve.