- [After Curly says Niagara Falls]
- Moe: Niagara Falls! Slowly I turn... step by step... inch by inch...
- Flo: Who are you, and what are you doing in here?
- Larry: Well... we came up here to break your neck.
- Flo, Mary, Shirley: [threateningly] Oh, yeah?
- Curly: Wait a minute! That's before we saw you.
- Moe: You see, we live in the room below. We was rehearsing our act, but you were dancing and...
- Curly: [pointing to a spot on his head] The chandelier hit me in the head.
- Flo: Oh, what an awful lump.
- Curly: That's no lump, that's my head.
- Curly: [Larry bumps into Curly] Oof! Pardon me, pal.
- Larry: Did you call me pal?
- Curly: Nyaah-ahh!
- Larry: It's been a long time since I heard the word "pal".
- Curly: You too? Haven't you got any friends, either?
- Larry: That's what I was coming to, the dirty rat! He tried to take her away from me! Ah, but he couldn't get away with it, so he trailed me.
- Curly: To Pittsburgh?
- Larry: Yes!
- Curly: Aah-aah-aah! Then you went to Miami, New Orleans, and Dallas?
- Larry: Yes, yes! But how did you know?
- Curly: You'd be surprised. Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk-nyuk-nyuk...
- Curly: [knocks on the deck floor] And then he caught you in Niagara Falls.
- Larry: Niagara Falls!
- [Curly makes a nervous turkey gobble sound]
- Larry: Slowly I turned, and step by step, inch by inch...
- Curly: Oh no, not that!
- Larry: I picked him up! I smacked him! I hit him! I bonked him! I tore his shirt, and then I knocked him down! What have I done? Blood, the judge, blood! You!
- [Moe arrives onstage]
- Moe: Ah, there you are, Larry!
- Larry: Why you...
- Moe: Why...
- Larry, Moe: [Moe and Larry shake hands] Hiya, pal!
- Moe: Heh-heh-heh, I almost caught up with you in Pittsburgh!
- Curly: Go ahead, tell him where you found him.
- Larry: Forget it, it's past history!
- Curly: Why, you cowards! You're afraid to say "Niagara Falls"!
- Larry, Moe: Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned, and step by step, inch by inch...
- [Moe and Larry chase Curly offstage]
- Curly: Hiya, pal.
- Moe: You call me pal? Why. I haven't heard that word for years. You know bub, I was once a tramp like you.
- Curly: Oh, congratulations!
- Moe: Ahh, but it wasn't always thus. I can look back to the days of yore when I was a very happy, married man. Then one day, that rat came and destroyed forever all the happiness I had ever known. I'll never forget that day; I just came home from the graveyard shift, and there was the note on the pillow.
- Curly: What did it say?
- Moe: Oh, it was one of those cold-blooded notes: "Dear Moe, I am running away with Larry." I was obsessed with the idea that I must find them; the trail led me to Pittsburgh. I found that I had missed them by three days when I got there, and I swore right there in Pittsburgh that I'd find them and have my revenge. And now on went the chase: Miami, Dallas, New Orleans, and then I came face to face with the rat that had ruined my life. It was in Niagara Falls.
- Moe: [turns around, ominously approaches Curly] Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned, and step by step, inch by inch, I walked up to him and I smashed him! I hit him! i bonked him! I bopped him! I socked him! I mashed his face and I knocked him down!
- Curly: Whoa, take it easy bud, take it easy.
- Moe: Excuse me kid, it's that word "Niagara Falls". Every time I hear it, it tears me apart.
- Curly: Oh, it don't do me any good, either. Ungrateful, that's what it is. How do you like a guy like that? I say 'Hello, pal' sort of friendly, and just because I say "Niagara Falls".
- Moe: Niagara Falls!
- Curly: Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo!
- Moe: Slowly I turn!
- Curly: Please don't!
- Moe: And step by step, inch by inch, I smacked him! I bopped him! I hit him! I bashed him! I beat him! I tore him and I knocked him down!
- Curly: Take it easy, pal. Please, take it easy!
- Moe: Ohh, it's that woman; I'll kill her, and him!
- Curly: Blood?
- Moe: Yes! Rivers of blood! Pools of blood! Ha-ha-ha-ha! The blood! Ha-ha-ha-ha!