- Colonel Cavanaugh: By now Mr. Holmes has no doubt exchanged his violin for a harp.
- Mrs. Hilda Courtney: Oh, well, assuming that Heaven is his destination.
- Holmes: Elementary, my dear fellow, one of the first principles in solving crime is never to disregard anything no matter how trivial.
- Holmes: [Holmes and Watson are in a pub to see Joe Cisto, a piano player. Holmes introduces Cisto to Watson] I want you to meet a friend of mine, Dr. Watson. Joe Cisto.
- Joe Cisto: Oh, well, any friend of Mr. Holmes is a friend of mine.
- Watson: How are you, Joe?
- Joe Cisto: He did me a good turn once that I'll never forget.
- Holmes: Yes, I cleared Joe of a most unpleasant charge.
- Joe Cisto: Murder no less.
- Watson: Oh, really?
- Holmes: By proving to the satisfaction of the police that he was busy at the time blowing open someone's safe.
- Watson: Humph, Irene Adler, what a striking looking woman from the brief glance I had of her. Seems only yesterday. What charm. Hmmmm. What poise. And what a mind! Sharp enough and brilliant enough to outwit the-the great Sherlock Holmes himself!
- Holmes: I take it that the new issue of the Strand Magazine is out containing another of your slightly lurid tales.
- Watson: It is indeed!
- Holmes: And what do you call this one?
- Watson: I call it "A Scandal in Bohemia." Not a bad title, huh?
- Holmes: Hmm. If you must record my exploits, I do wish you would put less emphasis on the melodramatic and more on the intellectual issues involved.
- Watson: More on the intel... what do you mean by that?
- Holmes: Well I do hope you've given, um, *The* Woman a soul, she had one, you know.
- Watson: By *The* Woman, I suppose you mean Irene Adler?
- Holmes: Yes... I shall always remember her... as *The* Woman.
- Commissioner of Scotland Yard: Before going further, Dr. Watson, I must inform you that this matter is not to be mentioned outside of this room.
- Watson: [Indignantly] Of course not. Do I look like a man who'd gossip?
- Holmes: Let's not go into that now, old fellow, shall we?
- 'Stinky' Emery: [remarking on one of his music boxes] Charming, isn't it?
- Holmes: Quite!
- Watson: [bored] They all sound to me like a lot of mice running about a tin roof.
- Colonel Cavanaugh: [remarking on the poison gas] That little attachment, my dear Mr. Holmes, contains the deadly fluid known as monosulfide. The Germans use it with gratifying results in removing their undesirables.
- Colonel Cavanaugh: [to a handcuffed Holmes, who is hanging from a beam] You find yourself like Muhammad's coffin, Mr. Holmes, suspended between Heaven and Earth.
- Mrs. Hilda Courtney: My friends call me Hilda.
- 'Stinky' Emery: Thanks. Mine call me Stinky.
- Mrs. Hilda Courtney: Stinky? How quaint
- [last lines]
- Inspector Hopkins: I still don't understand how you solved it, Mr. Holmes.
- Holmes: It's entirely due to Doctor Watson. He gave me the clue when he mentioned Doctor Samuel Johnson.
- Inspector Hopkins: Well, congratulations, Doctor.
- Watson: Oh, thank you, Inspector. I don't think I could have done it entirely without Mr. Holmes' help, you know.
- Hamid: [angrily, after Cavanaugh has grabbed a book of poems from him inscribed by Mrs. Courtney] Some day you'll go too far.
- Colonel Cavanaugh: Reaching for a star, you fool.
- Hamid: Yet a fool may touch a star, Colonel Cavanaugh, if he reaches high enough.
- Colonel Cavanaugh: But not possess it as you would.
- Mrs. Hilda Courtney: It's so fearfully awkward, having a dead body lying about. Don't you agree Mr. Holmes?
- Holmes: Somehow, the tune... is the key to the mystery. It must be the tune. Otherwise, why use three musical boxes to convey the message? Why not collar boxes, or shoe boxes?