- Jean Christy: I'll be a fool. I'm in love with a man whom I dislike intensely, who'd cheat me, who'd lie to me, whom I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw the Queen Mary. I hate myself for it, but, I can't help it.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Jean, hold everything. You - you don't mean me?
- Jean Christy: Does the description fit, big lug?
- Silas Jenkins, Justice of the Peace: Sarah? Sarah?
- Mrs. Sarah Jenkins: What?
- Silas Jenkins, Justice of the Peace: Couple'a chumps on the way, wanna get hitched.
- Mrs. Sarah Jenkins: At this hour?
- Silas Jenkins, Justice of the Peace: Why not? you caught me at half-past two in the morning in a weak moment.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: What are you crying for, darling?
- Lorri Dillingwell: [crying] I'm not crying.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Aren't you happy?
- Lorri Dillingwell: [sobbing desolately] Yes, I'm happy.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Wish you'd stop sniveling, then.
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: Mr. Jenkins, I don't want to embarrass you, but they really want to get married first.
- [slips money into Mr. Jenkins's hand]
- Silas Jenkins, Justice of the Peace: Oh, I see, sparring for your liberty, eh? Well, I don't blame you, I don't blame you...
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: You know Miss Christy?
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: Why yes, she helped me out with my pants this evening.
- Lorri Dillingwell: What?
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: I fired him for reasons private, but, sufficient.
- Jean Christy: Well, you mean that time he saved you from marrying the girl that turned out to be the full-blooded Indian?
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: You know everything, don't you.
- Jean Christy: Well, that's what you pay me for.
- John P. Dillingwell: I shall be very happy to see you, Mr. Lansford, when bananas grow at the North Pole!
- Jean Christy: Oh, Mr. Buckley, please. You may be a social lion to your friends, but, to me - you're just an animal cracker.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Don't worry, Mr. Buckley, I wouldn't consider wasting my time.
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: I wouldn't have you. If I wanted brains, I'd go out and hire some.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: You should.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Miss Christy, I understand perfectly well the delicacy of your feelings, but, don't quibble. Your silly heart is wrapped up in your employer. Some interloper has crashed your heaven and you've come to one you feel can help.
- Jean Christy: Oh, Mr. Lansford, you're wonderful.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Miss Christy, I'm incredible. There are some things I don't know much about. But, I have a knowledge of women that few men have possessed.
- Lorri Dillingwell: Do you really think I'm a disreputable character?
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: I think you're adorable.
- Lorri Dillingwell: Oh! How nice.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Miss Dillingham, how do you do? I had the pleasure of catching you act once. You certainly do a mean strip tease.
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: What?
- [Lorri laughs]
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: I beg your pardon, Miss Dilling*well* does not do a strip tease. She's the granddaughter of John P. Dilling*well*.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Oh, well, well. I beg your pardon, Miss Dillingwell.
- Lorri Dillingwell: Oh, that's quite all right.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Look, the paper is published for the people. Few of them can think; but, most of them can feel. If you can't give them someone to love, then, give them someone to hate.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Lorri may never know, old boy, she's going out of town.
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: She is not! How do you know?
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: I advised her to, after I showed her those letters you wrote that fan dancer last year.
- Jean Christy: Oh, he didn't.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: He did. She's going out of town to decide whether she should really marry you or not.
- Patterson 'Pat' Buckley: Poor ol' Lans. But, you know, he thinks every woman is going to do a forward loop for him on sight. Now, you regard Patterson Buckley, he comes with one woman and remains with two.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: I'm going to have Dillingwell investigated by a U.S. Senate Committee. He'll be the hottest news since the bombing of Shanghai.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: I could never bring myself to marry the granddaughter of this bloated plutocrat.
- John P. Dillingwell: Of course I'm an old reprobate. All the Dillingwells are reprobates. Take your Uncle Ebenezer, it took a posse of 19 Texas Rangers to string him up to a cottonwood tree.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: It's brutal. But, you must understand that to a newspaper publisher, honor, decency integrity, they don't mean a thing. But, Pat's not so bad, even if he would sell his soul for a three cent paper.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: What do you get out of your money? You don't spend it. You don't give it away. And you can't take it with you. Why, the only fun you get out of life is to go downtown and sneer at the breadlines.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Jean, I wish it weren't this way between us. I wish we could trust each other.
- Jean Christy: Then you shouldn't lead the sort of life you do. You play hopscotch from one double-cross to another.
- Lorri Dillingwell: Well, if you think I'm going to stand by and see you make love to another woman, you're mistaken! If that's your idea of an engagement, huh!
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: But, darling, don't you see? It's for the happiness of both of us, my sweet.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: I have made love to her. Or, at least, I've let her make love to me. I can never quite figure out which.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Look, I've got a good idea. I'm going to stay here and talk to her for about half an hour. I'm going to try to worm my way into her confidence. Get her to trust me. I may even make love to her.
- Lorri Dillingwell: What?
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Oh, purely academic love, darling. Why you don't think for a minute I'd enjoy doing that, do you?
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: Promise?
- Jean Christy: Promise.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: On your word or honor?
- Jean Christy: On your word of honor.
- Silas Jenkins, Justice of the Peace: Whoa, whoa! Gentlemen, gentlemen. Well, don't quarrel over a woman. No. They're not worthwhile. Let alone *two* women.
- Robert Kensington 'Bob' Lansford: While Miss Christy is not exactly my spouse, she is such a dear old friend that I am going to propel her into the night with the toe of my foot.
- Jean Christy: [on the phone] Did Hymie get there with the picture of the colored bootblack? Good. Slap it all over the front page with a Special Edition. Call in a rewrite man and give him this stuff for a story: This broken-down colored gentlemen is the H. Louis Brown who Lansford claims is donating millions of dollars to a charity clinic.
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