- Phyllis Walden: I should have known right from the start that he was a phony. Honest men just don't make love that well, they, they haven't had enough practice!
- Jose de Briganza: Miss Walden is a close friend?
- Kendal Browning: Of Stephen's.
- Jose de Briganza: I will kill him.
- Kendal Browning: That wouldn't help me.
- Jose de Briganza: I will kill her.
- Kendal Browning: Now you're talking. But no thank you.
- Stephen Dexter: Who thought up this unsavory scheme?
- Kendal Browning: What's so unsavory about my being your house guest?
- Roger Van Horn: Well, then treat her as a boarder. You two don't have to act married, unless somebody's looking.
- Stephen Dexter: But think of the position it puts me in!
- Kendal Browning: 'We Dexters prefer death to dishonor.' Well, what about me? What am I going to tell my husband?
- Stephen Dexter: Huh?
- Kendal Browning: Not you. The good one I'm going to marry next.
- Roger Van Horn: Well, have it your own way. I advise you to grit your teeth and go through with it.
- Stephen Dexter: No!
- Kendal Browning: No!
- Roger Van Horn: Very well, very well. If that's your attitude, I will see you in the bankrupcy courts. Goodbye, prudes!
- Roger Van Horn: Hey, which one of you bought a cockatoo?
- Stephen Dexter: Huh?
- Kendal Browning: Oh, I did. My old one died.
- Roger Van Horn: One cockatoo, charged off to living expenses. Yep.
- Kendal Browning: Why don't you send Kelly to Kansas City? He'd be glad to get away from Denver, and that little redhead.
- Stephen Dexter: Oh, is she his secretary?
- Kendal Browning: Ah, I see what you mean.
- Stephen Dexter: Kendal, we can't go on like this. One of us has got to give in.
- Kendal Browning: Well, Stephen, I'm waiting.
- Stephen Dexter: You had a nightcap, didn't you?
- Roger Van Horn: I had several, and what's it to you?
- Stephen Dexter: Well, it proves my point. I didn't. And I bet you wouldn't feel the way you look if you followed my example.
- Stephen Dexter: I give you my solemn word, that if I live till I have a beard down here, I'll never lay a hand on you. Except maybe in anger.
- Kendal Browning: You know, if I thought you meant that, Stephen, I'd - I'd quit right away.
- Kendal Browning: If you're sure this is the real thing, my blessings, Stephen. I won't try and stop you. I'm through.
- Stephen Dexter: What? Y, yo, you're not going to leave me with all this work... .
- Stephen Dexter: Get ahold of her. I'll see her myself.
- Kendal Browning: [Going out the door] Wouldn't it be easier and quicker to pay her off right now?
- Kendal Browning: I'm not through working for you. I'm just through caring what you do outside office hours.
- Stephen Dexter: Mmm, well that's better.
- Kendal Browning: For me, not for you.
- Kendal Browning: [Going over José's expenses, charged to the company, to lure Phyllis Walden away from Stephen] What's this item, one cockatoo?
- Jose de Briganza: [Waving one hand behind his head] You know, cockatoo.
- Kendal Browning: Yeah, I know what they are, but what I wanna know is how do you use them in making love.
- Jose de Briganza: Phyllis want one for the pet, so I give her the bird.
- Kendal Browning: Oh, that's all right by me. But, uh, José, $75 for one bird?
- Jose de Briganza: It talks.
- Kendal Browning: For that amount of money it ought a read, write and vote.
- Roger Van Horn: All you've got to do is marry someone. It doesn't make any difference who she is or what she is. Of course, it would be better if she was a girl you could trust. But all she's really got to do is say, '"I do."
- Stephen Dexter: [Roger and Stephen both look at Kendal] Kendall, whatta you say?
- Kendal Browning: I do.
- Roger Van Horn: Well, Kendal, you better go home and start parking.
- Stephen Dexter: You going away?
- Kendal Browning: Oh, heh, your attorney advised me to move.
- Stephen Dexter: Move? Where?
- Kendal Browning: Your house.
- Stephen Dexter: My house? My house!
- Roger Van Horn: Naturally your house, your house. Would Kendal move into my house, my house?
- Stephen Dexter: She's capable of anything.
- Stephen Dexter: Roger, get me a divorce.
- Roger Van Horn: You mind waiting until morning?
- Stephen Dexter: How soon can I get one?
- Roger Van Horn: Well, is Kendal willing?
- Kendal Browning: Uh, no.
- Roger Van Horn: Well, if she fights...
- Kendal Browning: She will.
- Roger Van Horn: Then it'll take years.
- Stephen Dexter: Years?
- Roger Van Horn: Five years. You're best chance is to disappear and be given up for dead. Course, it's just a curbstone opinion.
- Roger Van Horn: [after Kendal makes a racket to wake him up] Hey, cut that out. I'm asleep.
- Kendal Browning: [to Stephen, pointing to Roger in the window above] Ask grandma - he was in the house all night.
- Roger Van Horn: Oh, go to bed.
- Stephen Dexter: [Looking at the billboard on the building opposite his office window] Kendal, uh, who is that girl.
- Kendal Browning: Well, I don't know her name, but her face is on the canned tomatoes I use.
- Stephen Dexter: Mac. I want a new campaign. And it must be warm, and it must be human.
- Kendal Browning: The cement you love to touch.
- Stephen Dexter: Yes, uh, the cem... you love... no, no, no. I mean we must make our cement stand out - give it personality.