Walter Catlett credited as playing...
J. Worthington Foulfellow
- Foulfellow: [he and Gideon have "diagnosed" Pinocchio's "condition"] My boy, you are *allergic.*
- Pinocchio: Allergic?
- Foulfellow: Yes, and there is only one cure: a vacation on Pleasure Island!
- Pinocchio: Pleasure Island?
- Foulfellow: Yes!
- [ge and Gideon dance]
- Foulfellow: That happy land of carefree boys, where every day's a holiday!
- Pinocchio: [leaving] But I can't go. I...
- Foulfellow: [he and Gideon stop him] Why, of course you can go. I'm giving you my ticket.
- [he produces an ace of spades card and gives it to Pinocchio]
- Foulfellow: Here.
- Pinocchio: Thanks. But I...
- Foulfellow: No, tut-tut-tut, I insist: your health comes first.
- [he and Gideon grab Pinocchio and escort him away]
- Foulfellow: Come, the coach departs at midnight!
- [he sings the Pleasure Island rendition of "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee" as they escort Pinocchio away]
- Foulfellow: [after drunkenly singing "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee"] And the dummy fell for it.
- [laughs]
- Foulfellow: Hook, line and sinker!
- [laughs again]
- Gideon: [Dips a smoke-ring in his beer and takes a bite] Hiccup!
- Foulfellow: And he still thinks we're his friends. And did Stromboli pay? Plenty!
- [places a small bag of coins on the table]
- Foulfellow: That shows you how low Honest John will stoop, eh, Giddy?
- Gideon: [nodding choking on his beer] Hiccup!
- Foulfellow: [singing] Hi-diddle-dee-dee / An actor's life for me / A high silk hat and a silver cane / A watch of gold with a diamond chain / Hi-diddle-dee-day / an actor's life is gay / It's great to be a celebrity / An actor's life for me!
- Jiminy Cricket: All right, then, here's what we'll tell 'em. You can't go to the theater. Say thank you just the same - you're sorry, but you've got to go to school.
- Pinocchio: Mmm-hmm.
- Foulfellow: Pinocchio! Oh, Pinocchio! Woo-hoo!
- Jiminy Cricket: Here they come, Pinoke. Now, you tell 'em.
- Foulfellow: Woo hoo! Oh, little boy! Ah, there you are. Where were we? Ah, yes. On to the theater!
- Pinocchio: Good-bye, Jiminy! Good-bye!
- Jiminy Cricket: Good-bye? Huh? Good-bye?
- [Sees Pinocchio going off with Foulfellow and Gideon]
- Jiminy Cricket: Hey, Pinoke! You can't go...! There he goes. What'll I do? I'll run and tell his father. No, that'd be snitching. I'll go after him myself.
- Foulfellow: Now, uh, Coachman... what's your proposition?
- The Coachman: Well...
- [calmly, smoking his pipe]
- The Coachman: How would you blokes like to make some *real* money?
- [pulls out a big bag of gold pieces, which he drops on the table with a loud clank]
- Foulfellow: [his eyes widen] Well! And who do we have to, eh...
- [makes a throat slashing gesture]
- The Coachman: No, no. Nothing like that. Ya see...
- [moves his eyes slowly left and right with Foulfellow briefly following suit, then leans in with a slight whisper]
- The Coachman: I'm collecting stupid little boys.
- Foulfellow: Stupid little boys?
- The Coachman: You know, the disobedient ones what play hooky from school.
- Foulfellow: Ohh...
- The Coachman: And you see...
- [leans in and whispers into Foulfellow's ear indistinctly for a while, his sidekick listens in through his opposite ear, then cleans it out with his finger so he can hear it better]
- The Coachman: ... and I takes 'em to Pleasure Island.
- Foulfellow: Ah. Pleasure Island...
- [suddenly has a look of horror]
- Foulfellow: Pleasure Island? But the law! Suppose they...
- The Coachman: No, no. There is no risk. They *never* come back... as BOYS!
- [his face turns red and morphs to a devil like appearance as he makes with his mouth an large evil grin and a grimace, his eyes bug out and his hair becomes horns with a Satan reference. Foulfellow and his sidekick sweat a little as he laughs maniacally, then grabs him by the collar and holds him close]
- The Coachman: Now, I've got a coach load leavin' at midnight. We meet at the crossroads. And no double crossing!
- Foulfellow: No sir...
- The Coachman: Scout around. And any good prospects you find, bring 'em to me.
- Foulfellow: Yes, chief.
- The Coachman: I'll pay you well. I got plenty of gold.
- Foulfellow: Yes, yes.
- Foulfellow: [seeing a poster for Stromboli's puppet show] Well, well, well! Stromboli! So that old rascal's back in town, eh?
- [to Gideon]
- Foulfellow: Remember the time I put strings on you and passed you off as a puppet?
- [laughs]
- Foulfellow: We nearly put one over on that old gypsy that time.
- Foulfellow: [Picks up Pinocchio's schoolbook and apple, which he eats] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. Look, Giddy. A man of letters. Here's your book
- [hands book to Pinocchio]
- Pinocchio: I'm going to school.
- Foulfellow: School. Ah, yes. Then perhaps you haven't heard of the easy road to success.
- Pinocchio: Uh-uh.
- Foulfellow: No? I'm speaking, my boy, of the theater! Here's your apple.
- [Hands Pinocchio the apple, eaten down to the core]
- Foulfellow: Bright lights, music, applause! Fame!
- [Wiggles eyebrows]
- Pinocchio: Fame?
- [Wiggles eyebrows too]
- Foulfellow: Yes! And with that personality, that profile, that physique... why, he's a natural-born actor, eh, Giddy?
- Pinocchio: But I'm going...
- Foulfellow: ...straight to the top! Why, I can see your name in lights, lights six feet high! Uh... what is your name?
- Pinocchio: Pinocchio.
- Foulfellow: Pinocchio! P-I-N... er, U-O... Uh, er...
- [chuckles]
- Foulfellow: We're wasting precious time. Come. On to the theater!
- Foulfellow: [noticing Pinocchio] Look, Giddy, look! It's amazing, a live puppet without strings! A thing like that ought to be worth a fortune to someone. Now let me see...
- [sees poster for Stromboli's puppet show]
- Foulfellow: That's it! Stromboli! Why, that old faker would give his... Listen. If we play our cards right, we'll be on easy street or my name isn't Honest John.
- [Gideon nods "No"]
- Foulfellow: Quick, we'll head him off
- [They follow Pinocchio and head him off near a brick wall]
- Foulfellow: Shhh! Now is our cha...
- [Gideon takes out a mallet and gets ready to hit Pinocchio]
- Foulfellow: No, no, stupid!
- [snatches mallet]
- Foulfellow: Don't be crude.
- [hits him with the mallet]
- Gideon: Hiccup!
- [Gideon lifts the loose top of Foulfellow's hat as the fox is struggling to pull it off]
- Foulfellow: GET ME OUT OF HERE!
- Foulfellow: [catches Pinocchio with his cane] Well, well, Pinocchio! What's your rush?
- Pinocchio: I gotta beat Jiminy home - Oh, hello.
- Foulfellow: Well, how's the great actor?
- Pinocchio: I don't want to be an actor; Stromboli was terrible!
- Foulfellow: He was?
- Pinocchio: Yes, he locked me in a bird cage.
- Foulfellow: He did?
- Pinocchio: Uh-huh, but I learned my lesson, I'm going...
- Foulfellow: Oh, you poor, poor boy, you must be a nervous wreck. That's it! You are a nervous wreck. Ahem, we must diagnose this case at once, ahem. Quick, Doctor, your notebook.
- [Gideon gets out a notebook and pretends to jot down notes as Foulfellow examines Pinocchio]
- Foulfellow: Bless my soul! Hmm... mm-hmm... My my. Just as I thought: A slight touch of monetary complications with bucolic semi-lunar contraptions of the flying trapezius. Mm-hmm. Say "hippopotamus".
- Pinocchio: Hi-ho-ha-amus.
- Foulfellow: I knew it! Compound transmission of the pandemonium with percussion of spasmodic frantic disintegration. Close your eyes! What do you see?
- Pinocchio: Nothing.
- Foulfellow: Open them! Now what do you see?
- [Foulfellow holds his spotted handkerchief in front of Pinocchio's eyes]
- Pinocchio: Spots.
- Foulfellow: Aha! Now, that heart. Oh, my goodness!
- Foulfellow: [Foulfellow rattles his cane on a nearby windowsill as he pretends to listen to Pinocchio's heartbeat] Palpitating syncopation of the killer diller with a wicky-wacky stamping of the floyjoy. Quick, Doctor, that report. Ohh, this makes it perfectly clear. My boy, you are allergic.
- Pinocchio: Allergic?
- Foulfellow: Yes, and there is only one cure: a vacation on Pleasure Island.