- 'Pappy' Cullen: Rickey, you gotta settle a bet.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: What's on your mind, Pappy?
- 'Pappy' Cullen: The man standing over there says your next move is to Budapest, and I say you're going to Egypt. I win, don't I?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You both lose. I'm going to Moscow.
- 'Pappy' Cullen: You just came from Russia!
- Irene Malcolm: [facetiously] He won't give up until he finds Ninotchka.
- 'Pappy' Cullen: [he and Ricky laugh hysterically] That's a good one!
- Irene Malcolm: It's not that good!
- Irene Malcolm: [Rickey just announced he has to leave] Awfully sudden, wasn't it?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: We're both in the same racket, Irene. When an editor tells you to go...
- Irene Malcolm: I wish I was your editor, Rickey.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Do you, darling?
- Irene Malcolm: You bet.
- [speaking in a double entendre]
- Irene Malcolm: I'd love to be able to tell you where to go.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: That would be swell.
- [he realizes what she meant, and gets a strange look on his face]
- Irene Malcolm: Going my way?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: [suprised] What? What are you doing here?
- Irene Malcolm: Listen, Prague was wonderful. Here you are going to Moscow, I'm going to New York, and we're both on the same plane.
- Sue Mayberry: Rickey! Rickey! Rickey!
- Irene Malcolm: Uh-oh, a reception committee. You sure do get around.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: It's my wife!
- [pushes her out of view]
- Irene Malcolm: Oh! The ever-loving split second.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Get back on the plane, will ya?
- Irene Malcolm: This is where I didn't come in.
- Tom 'Tommy': You're up to your old tricks, eh? Three calls so far today.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Who were they?
- Tom 'Tommy': All the same party. She said to tell you she was stopping at the Hanover Apartments, and to get in touch with her. Some dame named Irene Malcolm.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Tommy, are you really glad to see me?
- Tom 'Tommy': Well, sure I am.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Then do me a favor and call her up and try to date her up. I'll give you anything if you take her off my hands.
- Tom 'Tommy': You're a cinch. All you have to do is pay the expenses.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: I'll do better than that. Someday, if a dizzy dame ever bothers you, you give me a buzz and I'll take you off the hook.
- [enters his boss's office, Irene is sitting across the desk; she heard the entire conversation]
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Checking in chief! I...
- Irene Malcolm: Thanks! For fixing me up on a blind date!
- 'Chet' Phillips: [Rickey looks for some help] Don't look at me. I'm not gonna dig you out.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Irene, I was just kidding. I wouldn't for the world...
- Irene Malcolm: [angry] I know just what you mean, darling. You wouldn't for the world!
- 'Chet' Phillips: Now, wait a minute. If you two are gonna hash anything over, do it on your own time. Let's pick up from where you had your brains shot out.
- 'Chet' Phillips: Ever since they been married, she squawked at all his foreign assignments. And now that she divorced him...
- Irene Malcolm: Divorced him?
- 'Chet' Phillips: Sure.
- [Irene starts laughing uncontrollably.]
- 'Chet' Phillips: Hey, do you know something I don't? Come on, Irene, out with it.
- Irene Malcolm: [still laughing] Oh, Chet, everything's marvelous! You're wonderful. In fact, you're beautiful and I'd marry you in a split second.
- 'Chet' Phillips: Wait a minute! Don't mean to say he tried that line on you? How that guy gets away with things- I've heard him say that so often, I tried it myself one night.
- Irene Malcolm: How'd you do?
- 'Chet' Phillips: Not bad for me. All I lost was a pivot tooth.
- Irene Malcolm: Did you have much fun in Moscow?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Quite kidding! You sent stories from there for a whole year. You know how dull it is.
- Irene Malcolm: I know how dull it *was*. But, you weren't there then, Comrade Make It Tough.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You know how inaccurate newspaper reports are.
- Sue Mayberry: Yes. I know how inaccurate newspaper men are.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Hi, Anderson! Miss me?
- Miss Anderson: Why, Mr. Mayberry!
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You look swell, chicky!
- Cynthia: Miss Sue? Miss Sue? Just look at this Miss Sue. Where is Miss Mayberry at? Where at is Miss Mayberry?
- Owen Wright: Upstairs.
- Cynthia: I got to tell her about her husband.
- Sue Mayberry: We're divorced Rickey.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Where does this tadpole come in?
- Owen Wright: Now, wait a minute...
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Alright, I'm wrong. Where does this polecat come in?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You know what I think you are?
- Owen Wright: Yes. A fried egg, a baboon, a polecat, a tadpole, and an anemic dish of tripe.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You can say that again in spades!
- Cynthia: Here's your suit, Mr. Rickey. The man from the Club says you want all your clothes brought back here.
- Sue Mayberry: You can take it out. Mr. Mayberry will be putting it on in a few minutes. And then he's leaving.
- Cynthia: Yessum. I shore glad your stayin', Mr. Rickey.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: What's the matter?
- Sue Mayberry: You're penalized 15 yards for holding. And 5 yards for backfield in motion.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You're welcome.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Alright, Irene, take the job and after you've given it the 10 best years of your life as I have, you'll find out what kind of a chiseling Editor you've been working for. But, they're not all chiselers, Phillips. And I can get a job with another newspaper.
- Pasha: But, Rickey, please. I come here for job. I am his photographer. I am most marvelous.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: I wouldn't let you work for the dirty rag.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Rickey Mayberry, you're a dirty low-down sneak and I - it would make you feel better if you said it yourself.
- Sue Mayberry: Rickey Mayberry, you're a dirty low-down sneak and that you should have resorted to the tactics of a despicable, despicable...
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Cat?
- Sue Mayberry: Guttersnipe!
- Cynthia: Yous had six telephone calls from a Miss Malcolm.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Did you tell her I was out of town?
- Cynthia: I shore did. But, she says to tell you that she has a split-second to spare.
- Owen Wright: You abducted my fiancée. Have you ever heard of the kidnapping law?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You stole my wife. Have you ever heard of a punch in the nose!
- Pasha: You make me sick. You have job. You no have job. I got job. I no got job. Its just like pulling petals from a daisy chain.
- Pasha: Oh, my friend, you do all this for me? Oh, you are my brother, my sister, you are my mother, you are my grandmother, my grandfather, my goodness!
- Pasha: She is fine fella.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: You're darn right.
- Pasha: Why you no make the love business with her?
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Isn't she lovely?
- Sue Mayberry: A matter of taste - bad taste.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Why don't you call the Be My Friend Club and get a dame for him.
- Owen Wright: We have a very gay social life too. Ladies meet several times a week.
- 'Rickey' Mayberry: Can preserves, I presume. You know, a jam session.