- Babbs Babberley: [to Spettigue] I advise you to sign the temperance pledge and be saved before it's too late.
- Stephen Spettigue: Something just hit me.
- [Babbs as Donna Lucia had thrown a book and knocked off his hat]
- Babbs Babberley: [as Donna Lucia] Probably the tenth drink.
- [first lines]
- Student: Good afternoon, Mr. Redcliff.
- Jack Chesney: She, she isn't what she seems.
- Sir Francis Chesney: No?
- Jack Chesney: No, she isn't. She... she's a woman with a past.
- Sir Francis Chesney: A past? You can't have a past with a face like that, Jack. It's impossible.
- Sir Francis Chesney: But first, I'm going up to your room and have a rattling good whiskey and soda. I don't think I could propose to that face without one.
- Babbs Babberley: But he's in his third childhood. He's a cheek pincher. A boocha, boocha, boocha, boocha, boocha.
- [He pinches Jack's cheek]
- Jack Chesney: I hate to mention this, Auntie, but you need a shave.
- Babbs Babberley: I shaved this morning.
- Jack Chesney: Now, come on. Be a good girl and whisk off those whiskers. You can use the razor in my room.
- Babbs Babberley: Why can't I be a bearded lady?
- Jack Chesney: Kitty, you know I like you enormously.
- Kitty Verdun: Yes. Some people might even construe it as love, mightn't they?
- Jack Chesney: Yeah... Yes! And, uh, well, when two people love each other, they, they...
- Kitty Verdun: They become engaged, don't they?
- Jack Chesney: Yeah... Yes! And I thought that if you...
- Kitty Verdun: Oh you are a dear to ask me, Jack.
- Kitty Verdun: I'm much too fond of you to let money stand in the way.
- Jack Chesney: You are, Kitty? Then... then...
- Kitty Verdun: Then, will I marry you, Jack? Yes.
- Jack Chesney: Oh, Kitty... I did it! I did it!
- [He stands up, looking amazed at himself]
- Kitty Verdun: [Stands up] I don't see how. If I were a man, I'm sure I'd never have the courage to propose.
- Amy Spettigue: Haven't you ever been in love?
- Babbs Babberley: [as Donna Lucia] Oh, dozens of times. Oh, I mean, once in love, always in love.
- Jack Chesney: What do you think you're doing?
- Babbs Babberley: I'm gonna change my clothes and be what nature intended me to be - a man.
- Babbs Babberley: I hadn't pictured you the way you are either. Uh, you don't look at all like a client.
- Babbs Babberley: Anyone ever tell you about your eyes? Something's come over me. May I offer you a glass of sherry?
- Donna Lucia d'Alvadorez: Oh, you certainly may. And, uh, what were you saying about my eyes?
- Babbs Babberley: They impress me very much. Both of them.
- Babbs Babberley: Do you know what clothes do to hail. I mean to hail to clothes. I'll be right back. Now, wait for me.
- [sic]
- Babbs Babberley: Every time I put these clothes on, there seem to be more of them.
- [as he switches into a dress]
- Donna Lucia d'Alvadorez: I heard something.
- Babbs Babberley: It's my heart. It makes an awful racket when I'm with you.
- Stephen Spettigue: I've been duped. You imposter. Who are you?
- Babbs Babberley: I'm Charley's nut from Brazil where all the aunts come from.
- [sic]
- Charley Wyckham: Well, thank goodness, I shan't have to call you aunt any more.
- Babbs Babberley: No, but you might be calling me uncle pretty soon.
- Sir Francis Chesney: Now that I have come into the family title, I have also come into the family debts.
- Jack Chesney: Debts?
- Sir Francis Chesney: Mmm. You know - red ink and all that sort of thing.
- Sir Francis Chesney: I'm afraid, Jack, for the next few years we're going to be known as charming, educated, cultural paupers.
- Sir Francis Chesney: Uh, how old is this, uh, Charley's aunt?
- Jack Chesney: Oh, I don't know. Probably 90, like most aunts.
- Sir Francis Chesney: Well, at 90 they don't bother you much. And you say she's very wealthy?
- Jack Chesney: They say she has millions.
- Sir Francis Chesney: I'm sure your mother would understand.