Quotes

Design for Scandal

Jeff Sherman: I want to get something to amuse a little boy on a train.
Snack Bar Counterman: Yes, indeed. Something for a little boy, eh?
Jeff Sherman: Yeah.
Snack Bar Counterman: What age?
Jeff Sherman: Oh, about so high.
[brings palm to just above his waist]
Snack Bar Counterman: Eight. Yes sir. Right here.
[motions to shelves of toys behind him]
Snack Bar Counterman: Everything to make him happy and ruin your trip. Take your choice, sir.
Jeff Sherman: Well, you've been here a long time, you suggest something.
Snack Bar Counterman: Chloroform. Either that or a good slap in the kisser.

Judson M. Blair: Well, you don't think I'm gonna let her get away with it, do ya?
Jeff Sherman: Well, what are you gonna do, commit suicide?
Judson M. Blair: No, I'm not gonna commit suicide.

Judson M. Blair: I'm not worrying, but how can you be sure you can do it?
Jeff Sherman: Well, she's a woman, isn't she?
Judson M. Blair: Yeah, and an intelligent one. Not the kind you're used to.
Jeff Sherman: Oh, is that so?
Judson M. Blair: And exceedingly smart, too.
Jeff Sherman: Well, she's a woman though. Every man has his price and every woman has her Achilles heel, and all you got to do is find that vulnerable spot.
Judson M. Blair: But this Miss Achilles may not have a heel.
Jeff Sherman: Yeah, well she's gonna get one then.
Judson M. Blair: A heel?
Jeff Sherman: A heel!

Jeff Sherman: Dotty, how would you like to take out a marriage license with me?
Dotty: [Throws her arms around him] Babeeeee!
Jeff Sherman: Oh, no, no. Wait a minute. I didn't say anything about using it. This is pure business.
Dotty: I might've known.

Jeff Sherman: Whoa, ho, ho. I found a skeleton in her closet.
Judson M. Blair: [Smiling excitedly] No?
Jeff Sherman: Yeah.
Judson M. Blair: Now you're talking. Is it a bad one?
Jeff Sherman: Mmm, ho, ho.
Judson M. Blair: Well, come on, what is it?
Jeff Sherman: She sculpts.
Judson M. Blair: She what?
Jeff Sherman: She sculpts. You know, makes with those marble things.
Judson M. Blair: Oh, I see. And I suppose you're going to pose for her or something, huh?

Jeff Sherman: Listen, pal, ex-wifee's got you right by the seat of the pants. Now, do you want out, or don't ya?
Judson M. Blair: I want out.
Jeff Sherman: [Deep mumbling-like baby talk] Okay, cuddle baby. Out is what you're gonna get.
Judson M. Blair: But keep the cost down.

Jeff Sherman: I said my name is Sherman.
Judge Cornelia Porter: Your name is Sherman. Now I understand why they feel the way they do down in Georgia.

Jeff Sherman: What's the matter? Don't you think you ought to have your head sculpt?
Judge Cornelia Porter: I think I ought to have it examined for standing here talking to you.

Judge Cornelia Porter: You know, there aren't that many completely honest men - or women, for that matter.

Walter Caldwell: But it doesn't take much judgment to see that he's not the sort to trust.
Judge Cornelia Porter: Oh, I'm tired of having much judgment. I spend ten months a year passing judgment on people.
Walter Caldwell: You certainly didn't pick the right time to stop.

Dotty: Why wouldn't she come?
Jeff Sherman: Dotty, the first thing a smart man learns is never to worry why a woman changes her mind.
Dotty: An old Chinese proverb, huh?
Jeff Sherman: Yeah.
Dotty: I don't think you're slipping.
Jeff Sherman: No?
Dotty: No. I think you're numb from the shock of falling.

Judge Cornelia Porter: Obstructing justice and contempt are two very interesting charges.
Jane: I'd take the one that gives him the longest sentence.
Judge Cornelia Porter: I'll give him both.

Walter Caldwell: Forcible entry without permission is a crime. Between the hours of sunset and sunset it's a felony. You don't want to commit a new crime just to right an old one, do you?
Judge Cornelia Porter: Yes, I do. I feel like breaking law as rule.

Judson M. Blair: That's just exactly what this young lady is going to claim in our suit - alienation of your moth-eaten affections. Judge Porter stole them.
Dotty: Petty larceny.

Jeff Sherman: [When the police come to arrest him] She wouldn't do a thing like that.
Dotty: Honey, the first thing a smart man learns is to never worry about why a woman changes her mind.

Judge Cornelia Porter: [In court] In all my experience as attorney and judge on the bench, I can frankly say I have never encountered a citizen with so low a regard for the respect due the court, and the ordinary rights of people. So, I now ask that the court impose the severest penalty on this man, Sherman, and his co-defendant, Blair.

Jeff Sherman: [Questioning Cornelia Porter who's in the witness box] Cornelia, will you marry me?
Walter Caldwell: I object.
Jeff Sherman: I object to you.
Walter Caldwell: Well, that's too bad. Your honor, I object to that question.
Judge Graham: On what grounds?
Walter Caldwell: It's incompetent, immaterial and irrelevant. And there's been no groundwork laid for the question.
Jeff Sherman: It's not irrelevant, and there's been a lot of groundwork laid for it.
Walter Caldwell: Your honor, objected to on the further grounds of calling for a conclusion by the witness and not testimony as to a fact.
Jeff Sherman: Oh, how do you know? After all, it could be a fact.
Walter Caldwell: It could not.
Judge Graham: I'll decide that. Now, sit down. Sit down!

Jeff Sherman: [to Cordelia who's in the witness box] Did you say to the defendant, Sherman, that you felt in your heart that he was trustworthy?
Judge Cornelia Porter: Yes.
Jeff Sherman: And did you believe him when you sat on the cliff in the moonlight, under Point St. Martin's Lighthouse, and looked at him, and he said, 'Darling, I adore you' - did you believe him?
Judge Cornelia Porter: Then.

Walter Caldwell: I object. I object on the grounds that it's...
Judge Graham: [Interrupting] Immaterial, incompetent and irrelevant.
Walter Caldwell: Right.
Judge Graham: I'm gonna have the record show, counsel, that you object to every question from here on. It can be considered as if you did make the objections.
[He nods to Jeff]
Judge Graham: Go ahead.
[And looks at Caldwell]
Judge Graham: We'll have no more interruptions. Sit down!

Jeff Sherman: Then why, on the night of July the eleventh this year, at the hour of 12:30, did you say to me in the establishment known as Frankie's Cape Cod Cellar Deluxe, that you love me?

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