- Portugee: My friend, we don't sail on no tide.
- Paul Shushaldin: Huh?
- Portugee: We got no crew.
- Paul Shushaldin: But you told me you had a crew!
- Portugee: That's for true. This morning I have crew. You see them boys? Best crew in whole world. I steal them from Boston Man. Now, no crew! Boston Man steal them back... I think he is a thief.
- Jonathan Clark: ...As for your countess Solaniva, you can tell the ol' wench she can swim to Alaska for all I care.
- Deacon Greathouse: Be sure to tell her to take the inland passage. We don't want her to scare the seals.
- Jonathan Clark: Let's see what part of Russia you come from.
- [leans in to kiss her]
- Countess Marina Selanova: [moving away] Not from that part.
- Jonathan Clark: Oh?
- Countess Marina Selanova: Perhaps, not so quickly. In my part of Russia it is the custom to at least ask the girl's name before you kiss her.
- Jonathan Clark: Oh... Well, you see, in America we kiss first and ask later.
- Eustace, Hotel Clerk: [indicating the Portugee] Er, this gentleman is with your party?
- Jonathan Clark: This gentleman is no gentleman. He's a sea-going thief who makes his living stealing seals from the Russians. He neither bathes, shaves, nor knows the feel of good clean linen. When the moon is bright, he stays out all night and howls like a dog, then curls up and sleeps on the floor till midday. That right, Portugee?
- Portugee: He knows me pretty good.
- Portugee: Hey, you... you? How you like to sign on as first mate, huh?
- Deacon Greathouse: Cast off, Portugee. For as vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sound of your voice to the ears of an honest man.
- Jonathan Clark: Did it amuse you? Did it make you laugh to have a common American seaman ask you to marry him?
- Paul Shushaldin: I advise you to find a crew within 48 hours. I'm not a man to be trifled with.
- Portugee: Me, I don't trifle with men either.
- Portugee: Very strange people, these Russians. They give you money, they want it back. Between you and me, I think he's a thief.
- Deacon Greathouse: Woe unto you, Jonathan. Women! The mouths of these women are smoother than oil, but the end is bitter as wormwood.
- Jonathan Clark: Did you find Joe Sweeney down at the city treasurer's office?
- Eustace, Hotel Clerk: No. Unfortunately, no, sir. Mr. Sweeney's being hanged this evening. They checked his accounts and it seems they discovered a slight case of embezzlement.
- Jonathan Clark: Oh, it's too bad. He was a great man with the bottle. There are very few of us left.
- William Cleggett: He can't be serious about buying Alaska.
- Eben Cleggett: Of course he's serious. The man is fabulous mad. He's impossible. But if he's decided to buy Alaska, he'll buy it.