- Donald Gresham: Believe it or not, I am a full-fledged architect. Build you anything from a cathedral to a bomb shelter.
- Patty O'Neill: How much would a cathedral cost these days? A small one.
- Donald Gresham: Why are you so preoccupied with sex?
- Patty O'Neill: Who, me?
- Donald Gresham: Yes, you.
- Patty O'Neill: You really think I am?
- Donald Gresham: Well, you are always asking if people plan seduction or they're bored with virgins or they have a mistress... Now, if that isn't being preoccupied with sex, I'd like to know what is.
- Patty O'Neill: You may be right.
- [pauses momentarily]
- Patty O'Neill: But don't you think it's better for a girl to be preoccupied with sex than occupied?
- David Slater: [about his ex-wife] She divorced me. Extreme cruelty - I hit her with a muffin dish.
- Patty O'Neill: You didn't!
- David Slater: *Stainless steel* muffin dish. Still warm from popovers. Right across the behind. Raised a welt that lasted for *weeks* according to her lawyer. I was never privileged to see it.
- Patty O'Neill: If Cynthia came down now and cried over you a little and fussed over you right bit, I bet...
- Donald Gresham: Let's not talk about Cynthia.
- Patty O'Neill: Well, she called me a "professional virgin". That's what I came back to talk about. Not Cynthia, don't worry, only what she said.
- Donald Gresham: It was a rather unfortunate phrase and I was mad...
- Patty O'Neill: May I ask why does Cynthia object to virgins?
- Donald Gresham: Look, nobody in their right mind could seriously object to being called a virgin.
- Patty O'Neill: OK, but it's this "professional" that makes me mad. I'd like to have that explained.
- Donald Gresham: It's not necessary to advertise it. That's really all the phrase means.
- Patty O'Neill: What's wrong with advertising?
- Donald Gresham: [exasperated] People who advertise are anxious to *sell* something!
- Donald Gresham: Believe it or not, I never touched her.
- David Slater: You know, it just occurred to me, that might very well have been the wrong you done her, according to Cynthia's book. Now I can understand why she was so sore this morning. A very humiliating experience. I probably should beat you up, anyway.
- Donald Gresham: Let me get this straight. I am to be horsewhipped for *not* seducing your daughter?
- David Slater: It's quite a new twist, isn't it?
- David Slater: If more fathers had ripped more phones out of more walls, more daughters wouldn't get into trouble.
- Patty O'Neill: I've cured more hangovers than you could shake a stick at.
- David Slater: Never shake a stick at a hangover.
- David Slater: Would you consider our friend to be a man of... principles?
- Patty O'Neill: I certainly do. He is charming.
- David Slater: Yes, but I am told that I am not entirely without charm, but I have no principles whatsoever.
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, c'mon. You don't want to stay up here alone.
- David Slater: Haven't the faintest intention of being alone. You decide to leave, I should probably call up a dame I know and ask her to come over.
- Patty O'Neill: Don't say "dame", it's vulgar. At least say "girl"
- David Slater: This girl *is* quite vulgar. In the sense that she is earthy and uninhibited. By common definition she is essentially a dame rather than a girl. She's a lot of fun.
- Patty O'Neill: Then why don't you ask *her* to marry you?
- David Slater: Because she'll lose all respect for me if I made such an idiotic suggestion.
- Patty O'Neill: You struck a woman?
- David Slater: Why certainly. In fact I seldom strike anyone *but* a woman. Oh, I'm not the belligerent type. I'm also a coward.
- Donald Gresham: Now don't be too modest. Occasionally you'll strike a small man.
- David Slater: If he's defenseless, yes.
- Donald Gresham: [taking her to his apartment for the first time] Now, you're sure you don't mind coming in?
- Patty O'Neill: Quite sure.
- Donald Gresham: No qualms?
- Patty O'Neill: Not a qualm in the world. And I am not reflecting on your virility either.
- Donald Gresham: Let's leave my virility out of this!
- Patty O'Neill: I am so glad you don't mind.
- Donald Gresham: Mind what?
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, men are usually so bored with virgins. I am so glad you are not.
- Donald Gresham: [on the observation deck at the top of the Empire State building] Oh? What are you excited about?
- Patty O'Neill: Coming up here. I wanted to for years.
- Donald Gresham: Well then, why didn't you?
- Patty O'Neill: Frankly, because I couldn't afford it. Can get a lovely pair of nylons for dollar twenty.
- Donald Gresham: [In the taxi, on the way to his apartment] You won't mind coming up, will you?
- Patty O'Neill: I am not so sure. Will you try to seduce me?
- Donald Gresham: I, I don't know. Probably. why?
- Patty O'Neill: Why? A girl wants to know.
- Donald Gresham: A girl is supposed to be intuitive about those things. You don't go around bluntly asking questions like that.
- Patty O'Neill: I do. I always do.
- Donald Gresham: And what happens if they say yes, they are going to try to seduce you.
- Patty O'Neill: I generally believe them. And then I am out one dinner.
- Donald Gresham: And if they say their intentions are honorable?
- Patty O'Neill: I generally believe that. But you get fooled some times. I hate men like that. I mean, after all, they are lots of girls who don't mind being seduced. Why pick on those who do?
- Donald Gresham: OK, I won't make a single pass at you. Do you believe me?
- Patty O'Neill: Yes. Yes, I do. You're nice. I like you.
- Donald Gresham: I could be lying.
- Patty O'Neill: That's true. Are you?
- Donald Gresham: I don't know. I've never run up against anybody like you before.
- Patty O'Neill: How nice!
- Donald Gresham: But I won't take an oath that I am not going to kiss you.
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, that's alright. Kissing's fine. I have no objection to that.
- Taxi Driver: You know, for what I learned on that trip, my psychiatrist will charge me at least twenty-five bucks.
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, I know! Let's not go out. Let's fix dinner up here. I am simply a sensational cook.
- Donald Gresham: Well, unfortunately I haven't any sensational food.
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, you must have something.
- [opens the icebox]
- Patty O'Neill: I thought you surely must have some leftovers. You know, what I can do with leftovers is nobody's business! Do you like kadguree?
- Donald Gresham: I beg your pardon?
- Patty O'Neill: Kadguree. It's made with finnan haddie. Do you have any finnan haddie?
- Donald Gresham: I wouldn't be found dead with finnan haddie.
- Patty O'Neill: Aw, that's an awful thing to say. You haven't even tasted it. It's delicious.
- Patty O'Neill: I took my shoes off because my feet hurt.
- David Slater: Oh, you should never say your feet hurt.
- Patty O'Neill: Why not? They do.
- David Slater: "My foot, singular, hurts" is an intriguing statement. "My feet, plural, hurt" is a rather sordid admission.
- Patty O'Neill: He has reasons for suspicion.
- David Slater: Take my advice and let them lurk.
- Patty O'Neill: What?
- David Slater: Suspicion, my child, suspicion. The lurking doubt. Is she or isn't she? Does she or doesn't she? Will she or won't she? Suspicion, the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world.
- Patty O'Neill: I just came back to ask you exactly what Cynthia meant when she called me a "professional virgin".
- Patty O'Neill: Don't you ever eat meals up here?
- Donald Gresham: Nope.
- Patty O'Neill: No wonder you are so unhappy and maladjusted.
- Donald Gresham: I am not a bit unhappy and my adjustment is just dandy!
- Patty O'Neill: Well, I think it's awful to let this darling kitchen go to waste. This lovely icebox and stove. And that garbage disposal with nobody to use it. I want to cry, honestly.
- David Slater: Don't you find I have a certain weird charm?
- Patty O'Neill: Yes, that's your whole trouble. You have entirely too much charm.
- Donald Gresham: And it certainly *is* weird.
- David Slater: Now there's a man who's hard to please. He gripes when you're trying to be pure and he gripes when you're trying to be wanton.
- David Slater: I wonder why it tis that young men are always cautioned against bad girls? Anyone can handle a bad girl, it's the good girls men ought to be warned against.
- Donald Gresham: [in his apartment, after they've first met] You're the strangest girl I've ever known.
- Patty O'Neill: You don't know me. You picked me up.
- Donald Gresham: Well, you don't have to rub it in.
- Patty O'Neill: [they're chatting, in Don's apartment] Would you like me to turn on the television?
- David Slater: Is it in color?
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, you're crazy. It won't be in color for years.
- David Slater: Let's wait 'til then.
- Patty O'Neill: Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs. What kind of a car do you drive?
- David Slater: A Lincoln. Why?
- Patty O'Neill: Have you seen the new Cadillac?
- David Slater: Yes.
- Patty O'Neill: They have a fascinating little gadget. Whenever it starts to rain, you press a little button, and it squirts water on the windshield, so that the wiper won't get it all smeared. I think of it the moment it starts to rain.
- David Slater: You drive a Cadillac?
- Patty O'Neill: Oh, heavens no, don't be silly. But the boy Vicky goes with has one, and he lets me work it. Not drive it - work the gadget.
- David Slater: [Looking on, as Patty is tidying up the kitchen in Don's apartment] Oh, don't worry about all that. Let the maid do it.
- Patty O'Neill: No, I like to tidy up. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
- David Slater: Ugh. That sort of thing does not appeal to me.
- Patty O'Neill: What *does* appeal to you?
- David Slater: Steaks, liquor and sex. In that order.
- Donald Gresham: [to Patty, after learning that David Slater has proposed marriage to her already] What did you put in that steak sauce? Yohimbine? I hope you both will be *very* happy!