- Moe: I'm Halliday.
- [holds up his badge]
- Larry: I'm Terriday.
- [holds up his badge]
- Shemp: I'm St. Patrick's Day!
- [holds up a shamrock]
- Moe: When we first started out, I never thought we'd be three fingers on the arm of the law
- [holds up his index finger]
- Moe: I'm the first finger.
- Larry: [holds out his middle finger] I'm the second finger.
- Shemp: [holds out his pinky, with a sad look on his face] I'm the hangnail!
- Alma Matter: I see you've decided to major in criminology.
- Moe: That's right, ma'am. All we want is the facts, ma'am.
- Shemp: We chose criminology because it's scientific.
- Larry: Indeed! In a lexicon of crime, it is theoretically propounded that passion, inhibition, and delinquency are the major contributing factors.
- Moe: Not to mention corruption of mind, detestations, and schizophrenia, if I may be so sesquipedalian.
- Shemp: A jerk with a quirk may do the work. Or, a Turk with a dirk may stick a clerk.
- Moe: I'm Halliday.
- [holds up his badge]
- Larry: I'm Terriday.
- [holds up his badge]
- Shemp: I'm Independence Day!
- [holds a lit dynamite and waits for the explosion, it does nothing]
- Shemp: Fooled ya, didn't I?
- [Dynamite finally explodes off-screen]
- Shemp: Fooled me, too!
- [Moe walks over to Shemp and slaps him on the face, pushing him off-screen]
- Moe: That Eel was a slippery one. We trailed to a room upstairs. We burst the door open and rushed in.