- Captain Fisby: I used to worry a lot about not being a big success. I've made peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations...
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: It's my job to teach these Okinawans democracy. And they're going to learn democracy, if I have to shoot every one of them!
- Sakini: She says Lotus Blossom unfair competition.
- Captain Fisby: Granted.
- Sakini: And she say you promised her everyone gonna be equal, Boss.
- Captain Fisby: And I intend to keep my word.
- Sakini: She say she can't be equal, Boss, until she has everything Lotus Blossom have.
- Captain Fisby: What Lotus Blossom has, the government doesn't issue!
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: You'll need an interpreter...
- Captain Fisby: I can study the language.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: No need. We won the war.
- Mr. Oshira: May August moon fill your cup.
- Captain Fisby: Why an August moon, sir?
- Mr. Oshira: All moons good, but August moon little older, little wiser.
- Sakini: In Okinawa, wash self in public bath with nude lady quite proper. But, a picture of nude lady in, uh, private home quite improper. In America, statue of nude lady in park win prize; but, nude lady in flesh in park win a penalty. Conclusion: pornography, question of geography.
- Sakini: Rest of world not like Okinawa. World filled with delightful variation. Example: uh, in Okinawa, no - no locks on doors. Bad manners not to trust neighbors. In America, lock and key big industry. Conclusion: bad manners, good business.
- [first lines]
- Sakini: Tutti-frutti. Most generous gift from American sergeant. Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen, pleased to introduce myself. Sakini by name, interpreter by profession, education by the ancient dictionary, Okinawan by, uh, whim of gods.
- Sakini: Boss by name of Colonel Purdy III. Number three after name indicate he is son of a son of a son.
- Sakini: History of Okinawa reveal distinguished record of conquerors. We have honor to be subjugated in, uh, 14th century by Chinese pirate; in 16th century, by English missionary; in 18th century, by Japanese warlords; and in 20th century, by American Marine. Okinawa very fortunate. Culture brought to us. Not have to leave home for it.
- Sakini: Colonel Purdy put up many sign. This exceedingly civilized. Make it very easy for uncivilized to know what not to do.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Sakini!
- Sakini: Yes, boss.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: You are a civilian employee in the pay of the United States Army and should dress accordingly. Pull your socks up.
- Sakini: Oh, very sorry, boss. Very sorry. Socks up. Anything more, boss?
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: That'll be all. Is that as fast as you can walk?
- Sakini: No, no, boss, but to walk any faster, socks fall down.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: I noticed the men were dancing with each other in the canteen the other night.
- Sgt. Gregovich: Yes, sir: No Dancing Allowed.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: I didn't say that, Gregovich. I don't object to the men dancing. I want them to enjoy themselves. But it doesn't set a good example for the natives to see noncoms dancing with enlisted men. So, have a sign posted saying: "Sergeants are Forbidden to Dance with Privates."
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: It isn't often I make a mistake. But when I do...
- Sgt. Gregovich: It's a beaut?
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: I wasn't going to say that. I was gonna say, "By George, I admit it."
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: No wonder you people were subjugated by the Japanese. If you're not sleeping, you're running away from work. Where's your get-up-and-go?
- Sakini: Ooh, guess get-up-and-go went, boss.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: What did you do before the war?
- Captain Fisby: Oh, I was a - an Associate Professor at Muncie.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: What'd you teach?
- Captain Fisby: The Humanities.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Captain, you're finally getting a job you're qualified by training to handle: teaching these natives how to act human.
- Captain Fisby: No, I don't think the Humanities are quite that.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: If you can teach one thing, you can teach another.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Send me a bimonthly progress report in triplicate.
- Captain Fisby: Yes, sir.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Don't duplicate your work.
- Captain Fisby: No. No, sir. No, sir.
- Captain Fisby: What do you keep a cricket in a cage for?
- Sakini: So fortune smile on you, boss. A cricket very good luck.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: I sometimes think we occupation teams have it tougher than combat troops.
- Captain Fisby: Oh, now, I wouldn't say that, sir.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Granted, they had it rough for a while. But we have the killing daily grind with no glory in it.
- Captain Fisby: Yes, sir, I know what you mean, sir. "Life itself is a battlefield with its own obscure heroes."
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: I consider that poetry, Captain.
- Captain Fisby: Oh, no, no, that's - shat's prose, Colonel. And it isn't mine, you know. It's, uh, Victor Hugo.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Oh, yes, Victor Hugo. How I loved "Tale of Two Cites."
- Captain Fisby: I just think that perhaps I just wasn't cut out to be a soldier, that's all.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Captain, none of us was cut out to be a soldier, but we do the job. We adjust, we adapt, we roll with a punch and bring victory home in our teeth.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Do you know what I was before the war?
- Captain Fisby: A football coach?
- Lotus Blossom: Konnichiwa.
- Captain Fisby: Who's she?
- Sakini: Souvenir!
- Captain Fisby: What? What are you talking about?
- Sakini: This the present from Mr. Sumata, boss. Introducing Lotus Blossom, geisha girl first-class. America-san, Captain Fisby.
- [Lotus Blossom speaks in Japanese]
- Sakini: Oh, she say she very happy to belong to handsome Captain. She say she gonna serve you well.
- Lotus Blossom: Kimono.
- [giggles]
- Lotus Blossom: Kimono.
- Captain Fisby: No, this is not a kimono. This is a bathrobe, and I don't want to put it on, you see?
- [Lotus Blossom starts unbuttoning Frisby's shirt]
- Captain Fisby: Sakini! This is against regulations.
- Captain Fisby: Everybody is going to learn about democracy.
- [crowd speaks in Japanese]
- Sakini: They say, "What is democracy?", boss. They know what rice is.
- Captain Fisby: Yes, all right. Democracy is a system of self-determination. It's the right to make the wrong choice.
- Captain Fisby: Now, don't - don't give me any of that Oriental hanky-panky business, now.
- [Lotus Blossom speaks in Japanese]
- Captain Fisby: All right, what? What's she saying?
- Sakini: Oh, she say for me to go home to grandpa, boss. She first-class geisha girl! She know her business. Good night, boss.
- [Sakini leaves]
- Sakini: [referring to Lotus Blossom] She want to put your kimono on for you, boss. She trained to please you.
- Captain Fisby: I know what she's trained to do. And I don't need any translation there.
- Captain Fisby: All right, all right, I haven't got a chance. I guess Uncle Sam is going into the teahouse business.
- Captain Fisby: You know what I'm gonna do next? I'm gonna go out and test that soil. See if it won't grow something besides sweet potatoes. I'm gonna send for some nitrate, some DDT and chemicals...
- Capt. McLean: Chemicals?
- Captain Fisby: Yes.
- Capt. McLean: You want to poison these people?
- Captain Fisby: What are you talking about? No?
- Capt. McLean: Look, Captain...
- Captain Fisby: What? What?
- Capt. McLean: I'm sorry. You just touched on a subject that's very close to my heart.
- Captain Fisby: Gardening. Yes?
- Capt. McLean: You know, for years, I've been on a point of giving up my career - just so that I could set up an experimental farm, somewhere where I could raise vegetables organically, nature's way. No poisons, no chemicals. Let me tell you something, Captain. Chemicals will kill all your earthworms. And earthworms aerate your soil.
- Captain Fisby: They do?
- Capt. McLean: Do you know that the earthworm leaves castings eight times its own weight every day?
- Captain Fisby: That much?
- Capt. McLean: Organic gardening - it's the only thing. Compost. Manure.
- Sgt. Gregovich: [attempting to make a phone call] There's no answer, sir.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: What do you mean there's no answer? Well, keep trying, I'm not the kind of a man to take no answer for an answer.
- Sakini: No, no, boss, no. Geisha girl not do what you think.
- Captain Fisby: Oh, no, no, no, wait a minute. Everybody knows what they do.
- Sakini: Oh, no, everybody wrong, boss.
- Captain Fisby: What do they pay her for?
- Sakini: Oh, you - well, very hard to explain, boss. Poor man like to feel rich. Rich man like to feel wise. Sad man like to feel happy. So all go to geisha house and tell trouble to geisha girl. Now, she listen very politely. She say, "Oh, that's too bad, boss." She very pretty. She make tea, and she sing, and she dance, boss. Pretty soon, troubles go away, boss. So that not worth something, boss?
- Mr. Oshira: There are lovely teahouses in the big cities, but the men of Tobiki have never been inside them. We are too poor. All of my life I have dreamed of visiting a teahouse where paper lanterns cast a light in the lotus pond, and the bamboo bells hanging in the pines tinkle as the breezes brush them. But this picture is only in my heart. I may never see it. I am an old man, sir. I shall die soon. It is evil for the soul to depart this world laden with envy or regret. Give us our teahouse, sir. Free my soul for death.
- Captain Fisby: This is Lotus Blossom. You know?
- Capt. McLean: How do you do?
- Captain Fisby: That's the geisha girl I told you about.
- Lotus Blossom: Konnichiwa.
- Captain Fisby: She can't speak English.
- Capt. McLean: She doesn't need to.
- Captain Fisby: That's real jasmine tea.
- Capt. McLean: Really?
- Captain Fisby: Here's a pillow.
- Capt. McLean: Thank you.
- Captain Fisby: Take off your shoes.
- Capt. McLean: Oh. Now, about those seeds, if we can...
- Captain Fisby: Shh. Shh. Shh. No. Shh. Now, we're gonna sit here and we're gonna watch the sun go down. And we're gonna contemplate the end of the day.
- Captain Fisby: For heaven's sake, sir, there's nothing that goes on in a teahouse that your own mother couldn't watch.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: You be careful how you use my mother's name, Fisby!
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: What in the name of occupation do mean by saying you built a teahouse instead of a schoolhouse?
- Captain Fisby: Lotus Blossom, she had to have a place to teach the - "The Ladies' League" geisha lessons, sir.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: It's a sad thing it took a war to convince me that most of the human race is degenerate.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: You've sullied the reputation of your nation.
- Captain Fisby: All right.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: And all the tears...
- Captain Fisby: All right. Shall I kill myself?
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Oh, don't minimize this!
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: That's despicable! Making a personal fortune off the labor of these ignorant people.
- Captain Fisby: I haven't touched a cent of this money, Colonel. Now - now, it's all banked in the name of the "Tobiki Cooperative Company". See, everybody in the village, they're all partners, don't you see? You know? You know, share and share alike.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: That's Communism!
- Captain Fisby: I used to worry a lot about not being a big success. I think I felt an awful lot like you people felt, always being conquered. Well, you know, now I'm not sure who's the conquered and who's the conqueror. So. I've learned in Tobiki the wisdom of gracious acceptance. See, I don't want to be a world leader. I've made peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations.
- Sakini: That's good, boss.
- Captain Fisby: Well, it's a step backward in the right direction.
- Col. Wainwright Purdy III: Why can't somebody disobey orders once in a while? What's happened to the American spirit of rebellion?
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Top Gap
By what name was The Teahouse of the August Moon (1956) officially released in India in English?
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