- John Pettit: Muley, don't you know that a bank is an institution that'll lend money to a man only upon his furnishin' absolute proof... that he don't need to borrow it in the first place?
- John Pettit: [to Muley] You know, Madge got a lot of new-fangled notions about book-keepin' shadow mortgages, and promissory notes. She'll get over it in time. You know, Muley, there ain't much point in writin' things down in books when most of the people you do business with can't write themselves.
- John Pettit: [as Vance is shaving] Hey!
- Vance: Hmmm?
- John Pettit: How long does it take to shave?
- Vance: Oh, about 15 or 20 minutes. Why?
- John Pettit: Lemme see now... 10 times 20 is...
- [mumbling]
- John Pettit: Why that's over 2 hours a week times 52...
- [mumbling]
- John Pettit: You realize you lose four full days out of your life every yesr just shavin' your whiskers off?
- Vance: Is that why you've got a beard?
- John Pettit: Sure! Why in 10 years you've wasted over a month! Think of it - a hull month wasted jest shavin'!
- Vance: Id nobody ever shaved, then everybody'd look like you.
- John Pettit: Whoa! What's wrong with that, yunh?
- John Pettit: [Vance holds mirror in front of John's face] Awwwwww!
- Bob Dalton: [Referring to Sundance] Why don't you get rid of him?
- Wild Bill Doolin: He's a good man as long as you keep him in front of you.