- Jane Stacy: I wonder if Steve's photogenic.
- Irma Peterson: Why of course not. He's as healthy as a horse.
- Irma Peterson: [after they see Yvonne kiss Steve on TV] Oh, don't be upset, Jane. That's just the French way of shaking hands. I... it's like when the Germans are leaving and they say, 'gesundheit.'
- [after being paid for the TV show with canned spaghetti]
- Al: Fine thing. Will speak to the government about this next time I pick up my unemployment check!
- Jane Stacy: Irma, are you keeping something from me that I should know?
- Irma Peterson: Jane, you can beat me, you can torture me, you can rack me on the wheel, you can quarter me into six and a half pieces, but you'll never find out from me that Yvonne, the French actress, is responsible for Steve singing at the Lucky Dollar Club.
- Irma Peterson: Although I've been engaged for five years, I've never had any children. I wanna be a mother.
- Pete: It'd be better for your kids if I bump you off.
- Irma Peterson: You didn't say anything about my new bathing suit.
- Al: You got one on?
- Irma Peterson: Oh, Al, don't you pay any attention?
- Al: Chicken, with the problems I've got on my mind, you could be wearing a suit of armor and I wouldn't notice.
- Al: Now, chicken, run along and rejoice in your good fortune. Before long you will be Mrs. Al.
- Irma Peterson: Oh, Mrs. Al.
- Jane Stacy: I believe you, honey, and I don't mean to be jealous. It's just that there's something about you that... that makes me hate all other women.
- Irma Peterson: Oh, don't be angry at Jane. Remember, it's better to give than receive.
- Al: What has that got to do with this murderous situation?
- Irma Peterson: Oh, nothing, Al. I just thought it was a good time to quote someone.
- Officer: Something wrong. miss?
- Irma Peterson: Oh, everything's wrong. You, see, Jane's angry at Steve, and she thinks I was trying to make a monkey out her. And... oh, I don't think you'd understand.
- Officer: [perplexed] I don't think anybody would.