- George Z. Jones: Ummm... my head.
- Ellen Jones: Is your head bothering you?
- George Z. Jones: Terribly... both of them.
- Ellen Jones: Would you like me to rub it for you?
- George Z. Jones: I couldn't think of anything nicer.
- George Z. Jones: You must think I'm very stupid.
- Ellen Jones: Stupid?
- George Z. Jones: Don't you think I know you're in love with him?
- Ellen Jones: In love with whom?
- George Z. Jones: Grahame.
- Ellen Jones: Why, that's the silliest thing I ever heard of!
- George Z. Jones: You're not as subtle as you think you are, Ellen. It's quite obvious. At first I thought it was just an infatuation but now I realise it's more serious, serious to the point where my life is more in danger from your heart than mine.
- Ellen Jones: I don't know whether you're doing this to frighten me or not, but I'm going downstairs and get that letter from that postman.
- George Z. Jones: You're not going any place any more, Ellen. Because I'm gonna kill you. Yeah. I decided that definitely this morning.
- Mr. Joe Carston - Postman: Giving me this letter is just like putting it in the mailbox. Now, you wouldn't expect to get this back from the mailbox, would you?