- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Mother Goose is requesting a chaplain.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: A chaplain? Good heavens, he's killed her.
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: No, sir. They want to get married.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Married? Goody Two-Shoes and the Filthy Beast?
- [catching a fish barehanded. A fish swims toward them]
- Walter Eckland: [In a hushed voice] Hey, here she comes again.
- Catherine Freneau: How do you know it's a "she"?
- Walter Eckland: Her mouth is open, now be quiet.
- Walter Eckland: [Jenny, who won't talk, has just given him a bottle of liquor. She doesn't reply when he says "Thank you." He holds up a whistle] See this whistle?
- [Jenny nods "yes"]
- Walter Eckland: Would you like to have it?
- [She nods "yes" again]
- Walter Eckland: OK. Now, all you have to do is repeat three simple words after me. Is that a deal?
- [She nods "yes"]
- Walter Eckland: Just repeat three words. All right. Elephant.
- Jenny: [Looks from Eckland to the whistle and back. Seems to consider for a moment] Elephant.
- Walter Eckland: [He smiles, slightly] Rhinoceros.
- Jenny: [More quickly this time] Rhinoceros.
- Walter Eckland: Wrong.
- Jenny: Why?
- Walter Eckland: No, not "why," "wrong." Wrong is the third word. You lose.
- Catherine Freneau: [Eckland has sucked the "poison" from Catherine's "snakebite"] Tell me, I would like to know - what did my blood taste like?
- Walter Eckland: Delicious. Now come on.
- [he tries to take her coconut full of whiskey]
- Catherine Freneau: No, no, no, I'm serious. What did it taste like?
- Walter Eckland: Well how would I know? I'm not a vampire,
- Catherine Freneau: Um, was it salty?
- Walter Eckland: Mmm, a little salty, yes.
- Catherine Freneau: Too salty?
- Walter Eckland: No, it was just right.
- Catherine Freneau: Oh, no! You thought it was too salty, I can tell! You didn't like it!
- [she seems on the verge of crying]
- Walter Eckland: I liked it!
- Catherine Freneau: Oh, really?
- Walter Eckland: Uh-huh, I liked it!
- Catherine Freneau: You're not just saying that?
- Walter Eckland: Great blood!
- Catherine Freneau: Look at their clothes.
- Walter Eckland: They're my clothes.
- Catherine Freneau: But they're filthy.
- Walter Eckland: No, they're dirty, I'm filthy.
- Catherine Freneau: I have an infuriating lack of talent for doing simple things.
- Walter Eckland: You probably don't do them right, that's why.
- Elizabeth Anderson: Mr. Eckland got Jenny to speak.
- Walter Eckland: I created a monster. A talking person.
- Walter Eckland: All those miles of open sea and back again, a man would need something to keep warm, now, wouldn't he?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Two bottles.
- Walter Eckland: All of them, Frank.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Three.
- Walter Eckland: All of them, Frank.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Five.
- Walter Eckland: All of them, Frank.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Got a pencil?
- Walter Eckland: Maybe if you stopped straightening pictures and let men wear their own pants, maybe they'd be able to touch you without asking "permesso!"
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: We could have transferred George Dickens from the interior if he hadn't gotten himself eaten that way.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: You needn't make him sound such a shirker, Stebbings.
- Walter Eckland: Let me tell you I am not a father figure. I am not a brother figure or an uncle figure or a cousin figure. In fact, the only figure I intend being is a total stranger figure.
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: I say, where are you going with those?
- Walter Eckland: Do you know who I am?
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Well, no.
- Walter Eckland: We'll let it go this time.
- Catherine Freneau: [Jenny hands Walter a whiskey bottle] Jenny!
- Walter Eckland: Why, how strange!
- Jenny: What?
- Walter Eckland: That you should bring me this.
- Jenny: I've done it before.
- Walter Eckland: No you haven't.
- Jenny: Yes I have.
- Walter Eckland: Shut up.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: There's a bit of paperwork to fill out, Walter. Who's the Maid of Honor?
- Catherine Freneau: Umm, Elizabeth Anderson.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: And the Best Man?
- Walter Eckland: Uh, Harry MacGregor.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Harry?
- Walter Eckland: Just believe me.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [Speaking of Walter] I believe I've found our nail, Sir. A rusty one I grant you, but they don't come any sharper.
- Walter Eckland: [after Frank's ship bashes a hole in Walter's boat to get him to go to Matalava] FRANK, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? LOOK AT MY BOAT!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [on a bullhorn, pleased with himself] Terribly sorry, Walter! Our steering must have jammed! I'm sorry!
- Walter Eckland: IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK ONE OF THOSE THINGS, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: I am sorry!
- Walter Eckland: OH, STOP SAYING THAT! LOOK AT MY BOAT! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Become a Coast Watcher, I expect! Luckily, we put a little surprise ashore! Oh, Walter... we'll stand by until you get safely in!
- Walter Eckland: FRANK, I'LL SUE YOU! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE THE ENTIRE WAR!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Quite right, Walter! I'll be your witness!
- [adding]
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Oh, and Walter... Thanks for volunteering!
- Walter Eckland: [after Catherine threw the rifle in the water] No, no, no! Not that! We'd had a use for that!
- Walter Eckland: [after bringing the girls back to the island, Mr. Eckland is sitting and eating while all the girls watch him] If you're waiting for the big finale, I'm sorry; this is all I do.
- [Walter is about to go do something very dangerous]
- Catherine Freneau: Walter! I look awful in black.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [after explaining the Coast-watching service] It's ary important work, Walter. Damned important. You'd might like to volunteer.
- Walter Eckland: Oh, I'd love to, Frank! But, I've just signer on for another watching service: the "Watch Out for Walter Eckland" Service!
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: A great many lives are at stake, Mr. Eckland!
- Walter Eckland: Now listen to me, both of you! Now, several years ago, I made peace with the World. Now, if the World isn't bright enough to make peace with ITSELF, it's just going to have to settle things without me!
- [Eckland has just discovered that there was no snake when Houghton, who believes Catherine is dead, is calling]
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Walter? Are you there, Walter? I have the chaplain, I thought it might be a comfort if he said a few words.
- Walter Eckland: Never mind the chaplain, Frank. She's alive. The snake's dead.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Walter, explain yourself.
- [Eckland puts down the microphone]
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Walter? Walter?
- [shouting]
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Walter!
- Catherine Freneau: Where is your boat?
- Walter Eckland: [Indicating the dinghy] It's right there, lady. If you spit, you'd sink it.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [Telling Walter the code-names to be used on the radio] I'm Big Bad Wolf, Stebbings here is Bo Peep, and you're...
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Mother Goose, Sir.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: That's it. You're Mother Goose. Now try and remember all that, Walter. It's bloody important.
- Walter Eckland: Yeah, bloody.
- Catherine Freneau: I'm a... a picture straightener.
- Walter Eckland: You're a what?
- Catherine Freneau: A picture straightener.
- Walter Eckland: Oh.
- Catherine Freneau: When I see a picture on a wall that doesn't hang straightly, I straighten it.
- Walter Eckland: Oh, you do that.
- Catherine Freneau: And I brush my teeth every morning and every night.
- Catherine Freneau: And if I don't have a toothbrush...
- Catherine Freneau: [Demonstrating] ... I use my finger.
- Walter Eckland: [on the radio on his island] When do I get off?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: I told you, as soon as we find a replacement for you. In the meantime, try to relax. Oh, and I'm very sorry about your boat. I really am.
- Walter Eckland: Is Big Bad Wolf *really* sorry? Because if he is, Big Bad Wolf and Little Bo Peep can DO something for Mother Goose. THEY CAN GO...
- [Stebbings cuts the radio off before any profanity goes through]
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [to Stebbings] I don't really blame him, do you?
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Sir, I don't think we've accomplished anything. I don't think he'll report in. I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but can you make it drink?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: [calmly] When he gets thirsty, he'll drink, Stebbings. He'll drink.
- Walter Eckland: [grabs one of the girls' suitcases out of her hand and throws it in the water. Ms. Freneau begins to protest] This isn't the Queen Mary; we don't have room for luggage.
- Catherine Freneau: Mr. Eckland, please keep the boat quiet; the girls are extremely frightened.
- Walter Eckland: Will you shut up, lady?
- Walter Eckland: So far you've shared me out of my clothes, my food and my house. Now, how about sharing some of my things with me?
- Walter Eckland: [to the French girls] You two get in the bottom of the boat.
- [pause]
- Walter Eckland: Get in the bottom of the boat!
- Catherine Freneau: They don't understand English.
- Walter Eckland: Sure they do.
- [puts them in the boat]
- Walter Eckland: See?
- Walter Eckland: [about the Coast Watching Service] We've been friends for a long time. Do you really think you can talk me into it?
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: No, I suppose you're right. Stebbings, confiscate all the small craft on this pier.
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: But this is the only one there is, Sir.
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Confiscate it.
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Yes, sir.
- Walter Eckland: Frank, you can't do that! I'll go over your head! Who's in charge here?
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: He is!
- Walter Eckland: Frank, you can't do that to me! That boat's all I have!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: You said we've been friends for a long time, Walter. Do you really think you can talk me out of it?
- Girl: We're sinking!
- Walter Eckland: Well don't just sit there, dammit, start bailing!
- Catherine Freneau: Mr. Eckland, your language!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Bride's full name?
- Catherine Freneau: Catherine Louise Marie Ernestine Freneau.
- Walter Eckland: [Gives Catherine a strange look] Eh!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: Groom's full name?
- Walter Eckland: Walter Christopher Eckland.
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: Good heavens!
- Commander Frank Houghton RAN: What is it?
- Lieutenant Stebbings RAN: He... he made a gesture, sir!
- Catherine Freneau: Mister Eckland, are you going to teach me how to catch a fish or aren't you?
- Walter Eckland: I aren't.