- Man on train: Don't take that tone with me, young man. I fought the war for your sort.
- Ringo: I bet you're sorry you won.
- Millie: Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me who you are.
- John: No, I'm not.
- Millie: Oh, you are.
- John: I'm not.
- Millie: Oh, you are, I know you are.
- John: I'm not, no.
- Millie: You look just like him.
- John: Do I? You're the first one that's said that ever.
- Millie: [motions to the mirror] Yes, you do. Look.
- John: No, my eyes are lighter. The nose.
- Millie: Oh, your nose is very...
- John: Is it?
- Millie: I would have said so.
- John: Oh, you know him better, though.
- Millie: I do not! He's only a casual acquaintance.
- John: That's what you say.
- Millie: What have you heard?
- John: [leans in, lowers his voice] It's all over the place.
- Millie: Is it? Is it really?
- John: Mmm, but I wouldn't have it. I stuck up for you.
- Millie: I knew I could rely on you.
- John: Thanks.
- Millie: [puts on her glasses] You don't look like him at all.
- [John walks away, pouting]
- John: [to himself] She looks more like him than I do.
- John: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.
- Paul: Should I?
- George: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.
- Paul: What's that supposed to mean?
- George: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.
- John: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!
- Ringo: [arrested, at the police station] I demand to see my solicitor!
- Police Inspector: What's his name?
- Ringo: Well, if you're gonna get technical about it...
- Grandfather: Would you look at him? Sittin' there with his hooter scrapin' away at that book!
- Ringo: Well, what's the matter with that?
- Grandfather: Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that?
- Ringo: You can learn from books!
- Grandfather: You can, can you? Pahh! Sheeps' heads! You could learn more by gettin' out there and living!
- Ringo: Out where?
- Grandfather: Any-old-where! But not our little Richard. Oh, no. When you're not thumpin' them pagan skins you're tormenting your eyes with that rubbish.
- Ringo: Books are good.
- Grandfather: *Parading's* better.
- Ringo: Parading?
- Grandfather: [nods eagerly] Parading the streets! Trailing your coat! Bowling along! LIVING!
- Ringo: Well, I am living.
- Grandfather: You? Living? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a Sheila with your cool, appraising stare?
- Ringo: You're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you?
- Grandfather: Well at least I've got a backlog of memories! All you've got is--THAT BOOK!
- Grandfather: Hullo.
- John: He can talk then, can he?
- Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?
- Ringo: Well, if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!
- Ringo: [referring to half-dressed room-service waiter hiding in the wardrobe] Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?
- George: Nah!
- Paul: Don't be soft!
- Ringo: Well, someone did.
- George: [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down]
- George: He's right, you know
- John: There you go.
- [George has been mistaken for a teen model]
- Simon Marshall: We'd like you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers.
- George: Oh, by all means. I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality.
- Simon Marshall: Well, not your REAL opinion, naturally. It'll be written out for you, and you'll learn it. Can you read?
- George: 'Course I can.
- Simon Marshall: I mean LINES, ducky. Can you handle lines?
- George: Well, I'll have a bash.
- Simon Marshall: Good. Give him whatever it is they drink, uh, coke-a-rama?
- George: Ta.
- Simon Marshall: Well, at least he's polite. Show him the shirts, Adrian.
- [Adrian gives George some shirts]
- Simon Marshall: Now, you'll like these. You'll really "dig" them. They're "fab," and all the other pimply hyperboles.
- George: [unimpressed] I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty.
- Simon Marshall: Grotty?
- George: Yeah, GROTESQUE!
- Simon Marshall: Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. It's rather touching, really. Here's this kid, giving me his utterly valueless opinion, when I know for a fact that within a month, he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status because he isn't wearing one of these nasty things! Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit! That's why they were designed! But that's what you'll want.
- George: I won't!
- Simon Marshall: You can be replaced, chickie baby.
- George: I don't care.
- Simon Marshall: And that pose is out too, Sonny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately and be right-wing.
- [the boys are listening to the radio]
- Man on Train: And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.
- Ringo: But...
- Man on Train: An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.
- Paul: Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there's more of us than you. We're a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!
- Man on Train: Then I suggest you take that damned thing to the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.
- John: [Leaning over to the man] Give us a kiss.
- Ringo: I don't snore.
- George: You do, repeatedly.
- Ringo: Do I snore, John?
- John: Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.
- Ringo: That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
- Paul: With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.
- Grandfather: Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.
- Paul: Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!
- Grandfather: Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!
- Norm: God knows what you've unleashed on the unsuspecting South. It'll be wine, women, and song all the way with Ringo when he gets the taste for it.
- Simon Marshall: Anyway, if you don't cooperate, you won't meet Susan.
- George: And who's this Susan when she's at home?
- Simon Marshall: Only Susan Canby, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her, she's your symbol.
- George: Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?
- Simon Marshall: I beg your pardon?
- George: Oh, yeah. The lads frequently sit 'round the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once, we all sat down, wrote these letters, saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.
- Simon Marshall: She's a trendsetter. It's her profession!
- George: She's a DRAG--a well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
- Simon Marshall: [horrified] Get him out of here...!
- George: Have I said something amiss?
- Simon Marshall: Get him out! He's knocking the program's image!
- George: Sorry about the shirts!
- Simon Marshall: [angrily] GET HIM OUT!
- [the Beatles are late for a rehersal]
- T.V. Floor Manager: They'll be here.
- T.V. Director: Yes, well, if they aren't on this stage in precisely 30 seconds there'll be trouble? Do you hear me? Trouble.
- [exactly three seconds after he stops speaking, the Beatles calmly amble onstage]
- John: [to director] Standin' around, hey? Some people have it dead easy.
- Norm: Now look, I've had a marvelous idea. Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary, respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes, or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for. Especially tomorrow at that television theater, because...
- [looks at John, who is holding up a bottle to his nose]
- Norm: Are you listening to me, Lennon?
- John: You're a swine. Isn't he, George?
- George: Yeah, a swine.
- Norm: [indifferently] Thanks.
- Man On Train: I shall call the guard!
- Paul: Ah, but what? They don't take kindly to insults, you know. Let's go have some coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie!
- Grandfather: Look, I thought I was supposed to be getting a change of scenery. But so far, I've been in a train and a room, and a car and a room, and a room and a room. Well, maybe that's all right for a bunch of powdered gee-gahs like yourselves, but I'm feeling decidedly strait-jacketed.
- Lead makeup woman: What a clean old man!
- Grandfather: Ah, don't press your luck.
- John: You should have gone West to America. You would have been a senior citizen of Boston. But you took a wrong turn, and what happened? You're a lonely old man from Liverpool.
- Grandfather: But I'm clean.
- John: Are you?
- Norm: Now you've got about an hour, but don't leave the theater. Where are you going, John?
- John: [with a dancing girl] She's gonna show me her stamp collection.
- Paul: [also with a girl] So's mine.
- Norm: John, I'm talking to you! This final run-through is important, understand? IMPORTANT!
- [John snorts like a pig, then leaves]
- Grandfather: I want a cup of tea!
- Norm: Uh, Shake?
- Shake: [reaching for a guitar] Um... I've got to adjust the decibels on the imbalance, Norm.
- Norm: Clever. George?
- [George puts his fingers in his ears]
- Norm: Ringo, look after him, will you?
- Ringo: Ah, Norm!
- Norm: Do I have to raise my voice?
- Ringo: All right. Come on, Granddad.
- [mumbling]
- Ringo: I'm a drummer, not a wet nurse, you know?
- Casino Manager: Before you go, gentlemen, there's a little matter of the bill.
- Norm: I'll take care of that.
- [Norm take a look at the bill]
- Norm: [shocked] 180 pounds?
- Casino Manager: I beg your pardon. Guineas.
- Casino Croupier: Your winnings, my Lord. 190 pounds.
- [Grandfather is excited, but the manager immediately takes the money from him as payment for the bill]
- Grandfather: Where are me change?
- Casino Manager: Cloakroom charge.
- Ringo: Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
- [Grandfather and Norm angrly look at Ringo]
- Ringo: Well?
- [Having makeup applied]
- George: Hey, you won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of me personality, will you, Madam?
- [Grandfather and Ringo are held in a police station]
- Grandfather: Have they roughed you up yet?
- Ringo: What?
- Grandfather: Oh, they're a desperate crew of drippings, and they've fists like mature hams for pounding poor defenseless lads like you. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on, son, I'll be back here.
- Ringo: For me?
- Grandfather: And if they get you on the floor, watch out for your brisket.
- Ringo: They seem all right to me.
- Grandfather: Ah, sure, that's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains.
- Police Inspector: Would you two like a cup of tea?
- Grandfather: See, *sly* villains.
- Grandfather: It's my considered opinion that you're a bunch of sissies.
- John: You're just jealous.
- Norm: Leave him alone, Lennon... or I'll tell them all the truth about you.
- John: You wouldn't.
- Norm: Oh, I would, though.