Bill Cosby credited as playing...
Alexander Scott
- Alexander Scott: Has anyone told you how good you look in that?
- Kelly Robinson: Why, no...
- Alexander Scott: Well, if they do, smack 'em in the face real fast, because they're not your friend.
- Alexander Scott: This is how far a cigarette burns in five minutes.
- Kelly Robinson: Is there no limit to the wonderfulness of your mind.
- Kelly Robinson: Don't you ever bring a silencer?
- Alexander Scott: Ruins the line of my suit.
- Kelly Robinson: Mine too.
- Alexander Scott: Well you have to get beat up every once in a while otherwise you go soft, right Kel?
- [Contemplating a solid gold stove]
- Kelly Robinson: I can just imagine the look on their faces when we unload a million dollars worth of stove on them. 875 pounds worth.
- Alexander Scott: Yeah.
- Kelly Robinson: Suppose by the time it got to Internal Revenue it only weighed 800 pounds?
- Alexander Scott: See what you mean. Well the lid's loose, maybe the damper door?
- Kelly Robinson: 75 lbs of gold must be worth a lot of money.
- Alexander Scott: Seventy-two thousand.
- Kelly Robinson: Already figured it out, huh?
- Alexander Scott: Yeah. $60 an ounce on the Chinese black market. I think I can get $70 an ounce. I know a guy...
- Kelly Robinson: $70 an ounce! Whew. A couple of one-way tickets to Tahiti would scarcely put a dent in it!
- Alexander Scott: No sir. Have you ever seen a Taihitian hula?
- [Sings]
- Alexander Scott: Do-dump-de-dumpdy... You take the door and I'll take the lid.
- Kelly Robinson: While we're at it we may want to hack off a couple of legs. We may want to entertain!
- Alexander Scott: Right!
- Kelly Robinson: No, we'd only lose our pension benefits.
- Alexander Scott: Think we'd lose our jobs?
- Kelly Robinson: Yeah. Such wonderful jobs too.
- Alexander Scott: And the hospitalization is free.
- Kelly Robinson: All those wonderful orthopedic devices.
- Alexander Scott: I just love plaster of paris.
- Kelly Robinson: Right.
- Alexander Scott: Hey, what're you doing?
- Kelly Robinson: I've come to save you.
- Alexander Scott: You can't, man, I've got a boat coming, now get outa here!
- Kelly Robinson: But I've come to rescue you.
- Alexander Scott: You CAN'T rescue me NOW.
- Kelly Robinson: How come you always embarrass me when I'm rescuing you.
- Alexander Scott: I enjoy being made a fool of when I'm pleading for my country. It gives me a warm glow all over.