Star Pilot

When you are a science-savvy person, watching science fiction films is often a painful experience: whether it is completely unrealistic (but in a way dramatically understandable) gaffes like loud roaring sound effects in the vacuum of outer space, or the unbelievable idiocy of people who think "backup engines" are there to make a rocket go, well, back up ... one just never knows what offenses filmmakers will slap up on screen.

Unfortunately, there is little one can do to prepare for something like _Star Pilot_, or however one wants to reference this particular Italian "science fiction" mess. The creators of this thing not only did not have a scientifically literate person on set, they all seem to have skipped every science class that was offered in their school careers! Other reviewers have pointed out the film's startling revelation that -- contrary to what science tells us -- it is actually quite comfortable beyond the confines of any planetary atmosphere whatever, and you can just twirl around between spaceships without the benefit of a helmet or any other bulky garb. Truly amazing. I was also amazed to note that when "Bellsy" was out in the balmy vacuum repairing the ship's antenna, gravity just seemed to switch on and off without warning - since the damaged antenna he removed visibly fell down and out of sight, no matter how much bouncing around (on a trampoline, apparently) Bellsy did himself!

I could go on forever. I could cite the space chart / screen two characters stared at that appeared to have standard N-E-W-S compass directions on it. Future generations of Cub Scouts will no doubt be relieved to know that there is a North in outer space, and that their compasses will work.

And yet ... this film is so stupid on so many levels (despite pretensions to ... uh, something at the end) that it manages to be quite entertaining at times. It's THAT kind of bad. It would have made a good MST3K target. It's garish, incomprehensible, nonsensical, giddy, idiotic. Furthermore, some of the actors make okay eye candy, if you are into that kind of thing. "Leontine" alone is worth the price of admission, as she is some kind of cross between Angelina Jolie, Barbarella-era Jane Fonda, and something I can't quite name. Her costumes made me believe that Western culture does indeed have a basement, a hard rock floor beyond which nothing can possibly go. And yet ... no matter how often I wanted to turn away, I just ... could not.

The plot itself involves the usual alien abduction, and is not very original. When compared to Francisci's other films, this one lags remarkably. However, it has a definite B-movie appeal, and is, when viewed as an interstellar espionage film, quite up to par with the later entries of Alfonso Brescia (although Brescia did more of a slap-dash space opera with little of the espionage element). Maybe, then, this film is a big brother of Primo Zeglio's "Mission Stardust." I'll tell you what it isn't, though. It certainly isn't up to par with Antonio Margheriti's sci-fi films, many of which were directed during the same period. Francisci never made such judicious use of miniature models as did Margheriti, and, on a special effects level, this one must be ranked along with Alfonso Brescia's flicks.

One of the highlights of the film, is the return of actress Leonora Ruffo after a three year hiatus. Never a prolific actress, she was at her peak in films such as Francisci's "Queen of Sheba" and Sergio Grieco's "The Black Devil." Being a consummate movie buff, I also admired her performance in Francisci's 1951 film "Le Meravigliose Avventure di Guerrin Meschino," in which Gino Leurini fights stone giants, colossal dragons, and evil witches, in an attempt to free the then 16-year-old actress Ruffo. She looked so beautiful at that time, but in this film she appears... well... matronly. Nevertheless, Pietro Francisci dresses her up in a mini skirt, with a décolleté top-piece, and lets her play the commander of the alien spaceship.

Gordon Mitchell shows up briefly as a dispatcher from the home planet, who gives his orders to Ruffo. As usual, his murderous glare and menacing attitude squeeze him into the plot as a superfluous bad guy, who has very little to do with the film. Some Asian criminals show up, speak bad English, and attempt to take over the ship, but are subdued by the professor and the others after a fist-fight inside the space-ship. Later, Ruffo falls for Nando Angelini's character, while Leontine May gets cozy with Kirk Morris. The film ends rather mysteriously, with some sort of weak message on the horrors of radioactive waste being dumped into the atmosphere, and the ensuing end of mankind.

Now, the ultimate question. Was this just a paycheck for Pietro Francisci, or did he really have serious pretenses when making this film? After viewing "2+5 Mission Hydra", the answer is fairly obvious. Francisci had already made whatever artistic statements he once had in such earlier films as "Hercules," "The Siege of Syracuse," "Attila," "Queen of Sheba," and "Guerrin Meschino." This was a downslide for him, and he didn't shoot another movie until 1973, when he directed the low-budget and somewhat asinine "Sinbad and the Caliph of Bagdad." Francisci was mainly a director of epic films. And I kept that in mind while watching this one. On the whole, this is a film that one should watch if he or she enjoys cheap thrills, or is a die-hard completist. If you're looking for lots of big-budget effects, a well-written script, and superior acting, stick to Margheriti's sci-fi films.

By the way, Gordon Mitchell is in this for about a minute, tops.

This one kind of starts off like They Came From Beyond Space, what with a group of scientists investigating an area in Sardinia where nothing grows due to radiation or something. Along for the ride are the elderly professor, his daughter the broad, and some other guys. The Chinese are in on things too as the bad guys, so everyone is surprised when the patch of lands houses a UFO, everyone is captured and forced to work for the aliens. Wait, the leader is 'a woman?'.

So you've got a serious prof and his acolytes, his ditzy daughter with her nice arse and bad acting, and everyone ends up heading out into space and you'll be glad of that because most of what happens beforehand is really boring. This film is saved by the cast heading out into space, because that's when the rules get thrown out of the window.

Not only is our broad 'forced' to wear the female leader's costumes, but vice versa happens as our aliens learn 'love' while exploring the cosmos while our enemy, the two Chinese guys, are attacked by a bunch of monkeys on some bizarre planet and never mentioned again.

There's other revelations, and a pretty abrupt ending, and so much crap randomness that I can't help but like this film more than I should. I thought I would hate it but things pick up about halfway through.

This motion picture is interesting to watch, if for no other reason, then for analysis. It purports to have taken upon itself a complicated history. One fact is known, that of the original release date in Italy of 1966, although a website or two will show 1965. What happened since then is anyones guess. Yes, there was a 1977 release in the United States under the Monarch Releasing Corporation. The titles, "Star Pilot" and "Star Pilots" are given. Yet in the video release by Sinister Cinema the title is shown as "2 + 5: Mission Hydra" although the Monarch Releasing Corporation credit is also listed seemingly indicating this is the same version as the 1977 US dubbed release. The real confusion starts with the footage from other movies spliced in at some points. Another website claims the movies "Kaiju Daisenso(1965)" and "Yusei Gorasu(1962)" are interwoven with the plot. This may very well be, but Casey Kasem is also clearly seen. This would appear to be from "The Doomsday Machine" which had a checkered history of its own, being made in 1967(a year after "2+5"), but released in 1972. So therefore this footage must have been added only in the US release, though "2+5" premiered in West Germany in 1967. Various running times(84, 89, 90 + 92) are given as well depending on what source you refer to. The bottom line on this former late night favorite is, for the male viewers there is Leontine May(who dominates) and for the female viewers, Kirk Morris(pseudonym of Adriano Bellini) and Gordon Mitchell. It should also be mentioned for the classical music crowd, that although the credit is given on the IMDb for "theme from Toccato & Fugue in D Minor by JS Bach", it is not mentioned that it is under the direction of Leopold Stokowsky.

I haven't done this in a while, but for Star Pilot, I'm going to use the plot summary from IMDb: "Aliens from the constellation Hydra crash-land on the island of Sardinia. A prominent scientist, his daughter, several young technicians, and a pair of Oriental spies are taken hostage by the beings so they can use them to repair their spaceship's broken engine. With that done, they take off towards their home planet, taking the earthlings with them. However, the humans attempt to mutiny against their captors, inadvertently sending their tiny spaceship hurtling into the infinite beyond."

I used the IMDb plot summary because, even after watching Star Pilot, I'm not entirely sure what it was all about. The movie made very little sense to me. But even though I may have been confused during most of the movie, parts of it were still a lot of fun in a campy / cheesy sort of way. Instead of the usual write-up I do, here are a few random thoughts I have regarding Star Pilot:

1. While the cast wasn't much to write home about, it's always cool seeing Kirk Morris and Gordon Mitchell outside a Sword and Sandal film. I just wish Mitchell had been in the film for more than 20 seconds. Other than getting his name in the credits, I'm not really sure why the filmmakers even bothered.

2. There's a decent size chunk of the film "borrowed" from Doomsday Machine. The differences in film quality, acting, and everything else is a little jarring. It's shocking just how good the stuff from Doomsday Machine looks in comparison. The clips include a scene with Casey Kasem - minus Kasem's very recognizable voice.

3. Why bother with the Chinese secret agents? It adds absolutely nothing to the plot. It seems like such an unnecessary plot detail that amounts to nothing in the end.

4. I suppose that if I had to pick a highlight, it would be actress Leontine May's ever-shrinking wardrobe. She begins the film fairly modestly dressed, but by the end, she's wearing a full body fishnet with a few strategically placed feathers.

In some ways, the 5/10 I've given Star Pilot may not be fair. The copy I watched seemed to be horribly cut-up. IMDb lists a runtime of 89 minutes. The version I watched was only 81 minutes. I'm not sure how much difference the extra 8 minutes would make, but I'd certainly be up for giving it another go with a complete copy.