- Mr. McBride: Do you know who this is? This is the owner and president of this outfit, Horace McBride!
- Libby Caruso: [At the PBX] Oh? Do you know who this is?
- Mr. McBride: No.
- Libby Caruso: [Disconnecting him] Good!
- Paul Davis: No, sir! No, not that kind of love, not with her!
- Mr. Ralph Front: No?
- Paul Davis: No, sir. She's too short.
- Libby Caruso: Where are the brooms?
- Jan McNair: What do you want with a broom?
- Libby Caruso: I'm going to invent something to hang clothes on.
- Jan McNair: Say, that's an idea! Why not call it a "hanger"?
- Libby Caruso: Now, I can start to concentrate on my *big* ambition in life.
- Tiger Shay: Oh, wha-what's that?
- Libby Caruso: To get married and have babies. That's were my *real* talent lies.
- Employment Service Official: What?
- Libby Caruso: I said, if possible, I'd like a job where I could meet a lot of men.
- Employment Service Official: That's what I thought you said. Why?
- Libby Caruso: Well, I figure as long as I'm not going to be in show business, the sooner I get married and start having my babies, the better.
- Jan McNair: Don't give him a second thought, honey. He only likes girls who are tall and top heavy.
- Libby Caruso: Well, I may be short, but, I'm not exactly...
- Jan McNair: Personally, I can't stand him.
- Libby Caruso: You can't, huh? You mean you have a thing for him yourself?
- Libby Caruso: [singing] We're even gonna rip it up, All night long, Let's have a party, Come on, everybody, Everybody, everybody, Let's have a party tonight...
- Paul Davis: Hey, look, before we go any further, I think there is something you ought to know. There's one thing I can't stand is a smart aleck broad.
- Paul Davis: Are you sure you wouldn't prefer somebody with a little more - experience?
- Libby Caruso: Definitely, not. I'm old fashioned.
- Paul Davis: Hi! Hey, where can I find whats-her-name?
- Jan McNair: Who?
- Paul Davis: Whats-her-name! The half-pint.
- Libby Caruso: So, this friend of mine, he talked to this friend of his that he knows, and this friend of his, he knows a friend who talked to another friend, who talked to somebody connected with you. I think your mother? And the next thing you know, here I am on the show.
- Johnny Carson: Good old Mom.
- Libby Caruso: Mr. Carson, I can't tell you how thrilled I am. You know, your show is my most favorite when I can't go to sleep.
- Johnny Carson: I'm thrilled to hear that.
- Libby Caruso: According to all of the agents that listened to me: I have a good voice, phrase well, a nice personality, I'm cute; but, outside of that, nothing.
- Libby Caruso: [singing] Tick tock, When the clock strikes midnight, I'll be kissin' you, And I won't be blue, I'll know what to do...
- Mr. Ralph Front: I see. You don't want a piece of her action, you want a piece of mine.
- Paul Davis: Well, I wouldn't turn down an offer without giving it some thought.
- Mr. Ralph Front: And I wouldn't make an offer, without giving it some thought.
- Jan McNair: What did you do?
- Libby Caruso: I did what any normal, sensible girl would do under the circumstances. I had hysterics.
- Libby Caruso: I'm selling myself as a potential wife and mother.
- Jan McNair: Swell! Just as long as you don't let him know, that's what he's getting.
- Jan McNair: What happened to you?
- Libby Caruso: Okay, so maybe I'm not T-n-T!
- Jan McNair: T and T?
- Libby Caruso: Tall and Top heavy! I can *still* be a woman who does things.
- Cuz Rickover: Well, give the man credit. If all I hear and read about Gaye Swinger is true, he certainly found a woman who does things!
- Gaye Swinger: Thirty-two shoes for you. Now, who do you have to know to get a belt around here?
- Libby Caruso: A belt?
- Gaye Swinger: A belt - of booze.
- Gaye Swinger: Invented what?
- Mr. Ralph Front: The Lady Valet.
- Gaye Swinger: Oh, the who's it, I'm suppose to, whatchamacallit?
- Jan McNair: Poor kid. Some day you'll realize that you only thought you were in love with that big galoot. And you know why? Because he didn't give you a tumble. That's why! The old hard to get routine, get's them every time. Nobody wants anything, unless, they think they can't have it. We're all the same. If it isn't hard to get, against the law, or fattening, we're not interested.
- Libby Caruso: [singing] I got diamonds, I've got pearls, I'm the envy of the teenage girls, Yea, yeah, uh-huh, but I'm still looking for love...
- Jan McNair: What's wrong with getting married *and* having your career?
- Libby Caruso: You can't have both.
- Jan McNair: Sure you can! As long as you remember which is more important.
- Tiger Shay: Hey, that's right! As long as you never let your marriage interfere with your career, you got it made.
- Libby Caruso: I'd love to kiss you. Any girl would! If she could get you alone! But, even then, a kiss on the lips is something you have to work up to. At least, I do.
- Jan McNair: How come if you're meant for each other, it takes more planning, research, and maneuvering than it does to get a man on the moon?
- Jan McNair: I beg your pardon!
- Paul Davis: "I beg your pardon!" "I beg your" - got it! That means: "Touch my body and I'll - ah! - scream." Right?
- Jan McNair: Naturally!
- Paul Davis: What naturally?
- Jan McNair: Come on, Junior, I'll teach you the facts of life!