- Francesca: I found out exactly the dress she was going to wear, and I had it copied. Then, I walked right up to their table and I said to the girl I considered it an insult to *her* that they sold *me* the same dress, and I would take it right off! She would just have to say the word.
- Guest #1: Did she?
- Francesca: No, but he did.
- Guest #2: And?
- Francesca: And so I took it off!
- Guest #3: In front of everybody?
- Francesca: Of course! The prince and I have been close friends ever since.
- Irene: Oh, my mother is famous for her scavenger hunts. She has one every year at her charity ball. Then we give all the money to charity. That is, if there's any left only there never is and now you know the whole setup.
- Man at Bar: : Get a load of the dizzy dame with the monkey.
- Mr. Bullock: I've been gettin' a load of her for thirty years. That's my wife.
- Man at Bar: I'm - I'm sorry, old man.
- Mr. Bullock: *You're* sorry! How do you think I feel?
- Howard: I think I liked your mother's parties better the way she used to have them. With the scavenger hunt last.
- Irene: Oh, yeah, she had to change that. Because last year some of the couples who went out hunting didn't get back for days! Come on.
- Godfrey: Where did they go?
- Irene: Well! I certainly hope you don't think *I* was going to ask them.
- Irene: She called him a creep! And you know what you said you'd do to her the next time she was rude to somebody.
- Mr. Bullock: You bet I remember. I said I - hey, it was *you* I said that to.
- Angelica: It was not. It was me. And I've never been so humiliated in my life! You said it was stupid of me to go to the opera in weather like this without long underwear.
- Mr. Bullock: *You* said that to *me*, and in front of all those people!
- Angelica: And if that isn't humiliating, I don't know what is, especially at a benefit. You didn't even send them a check.
- Cordelia: What about my car!
- Angelica: No, honey. They want money.
- Godfrey: Hasn't it occurred to you that I might very easily be a - be a dope peddler, or a murderer?
- Irene: Oh, no! You're not the kind of man that would ever come easily to it, Mr. Godfrey. And anyway, if you really did it, I'm quite sure they had it coming to them.
- Godfrey: Who?
- Irene: Whoever you murdered.
- Godfrey: Well, it's just that little old lady I strangled for her money, you know.
- Irene: Oh, well, we don't have any little old ladies in the house, so you can start in the morning.
- Irene: What a perfect butler you'd make. With your voice and your beard and everything. And it's very obvious that somewhere along the line, you come from a family that had at *least* nice table manners.
- Molly: Did you catch that? When you said, 'the one with the monkey?' Any normal person would have screamed and said, 'Monkey! What monkey!' Me, after fifteen years, I just nod and say yeah. Believe me, it frightens ya.
- Angelica: I do think it's important that people should know eachother's names. That is, of course, if they have pleasant names. I knew a woman once named Harry Rogers, you know. Used to depress me all day just to think about it. Oh! There, now, you see, I've thought about it and I'm all depressed, oh!
- Godfrey: Molly, I don't know any of them very well, but I do think that at least Miss Irene has what I would call a big heart.
- Molly: She's got a stray cat complex. No offense meant.
- Godfrey: Oh, that's all right. But have you ever thought how many stray cats there are in the world these days? And how impossible their lives would be if it weren't for a few stray cat collectors like this girl?
- Godfrey: Mrs. Bullock is the first woman I've met in years with whom I've felt an immediate understanding.
- Irene: Are you a Roman?
- Godfrey: No. I'm an Austrian, miss.
- Irene: Did you have a kangaroo when you were a little boy?
- Godfrey: Oh, you must be thinking about Australia.
- Irene: You could have one here if you wanted to, you know.
- Godfrey: Yes, I'm sure I could, but it wouldn't be the same, somehow. Will you excuse me?
- Mr. Bullock: Haven't I seen you some place before?
- Godfrey: At your party last night, sir. I'm a little less bearded now.
- Molly: That just goes to prove that old saying - If you can't get affection at home, you may have to go shopping for it.
- Mr. Bullock: Get rid of that animal.
- Irene: Oh, no!
- Angelica: Oh, yes! He doesn't even have the decency to let Vincent sing.
- Mr. Bullock: Smart dog. He can stay.