Tony Curtis credited as playing...
Lt. JG Nicholas Holden
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: You've gotta sneak up a few back alleys. What you need, sir, is a supply officer who can help you find those back alleys.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: You, Mr. Holden?
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Yes, sir.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: You'd ruin your manicure! Here.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Uh, don't let my manicure fool you, sir. I was born and raised in a neighborhood called Noah's Ark. If you didn't travel in pairs, you just didn't travel.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: As a kid, I was victim of the most vicious propaganda ever. People kept telling me that money wasn't everything, and I believed it. Until I found out that the people who were saying that "money wasn't everything," were the people that had all the money. So I figured they were trying to hide a good thing.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Mm-hmm.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Sir, please sit down.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Yeah.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Now there are two simple ways that you can get money. You can steal it, or you can marry it.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: I don't want to bore you with the problems of command, Mr. Holden, because I doubt you'll ever have one. It's inconsistent with that philosophy of yours - every man for himself.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Dog eat dog.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Exactly! The unfortunate thing about command, though, Mr. Holden, is that the responsibilities outweigh the privileges! Now if it were just myself I was concerned with, I'd tell you what to do with that list. But my responsibility is this boat! And to get her out of here, I'd even make a pact with the devil!
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: That's where I come in.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: That's right.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Have you ever been to sea?
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Yes, Sir. Destroyer duty.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: How did you find time for it?
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: It was a mistake, Sir. About a week after I left Honolulu, they got it straightened out.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Who? The Admiral or the Admiral's wife? She must be awfully upset with you stranded out here. That'll probably cost her the rumba championship this year! Holy mackerel!
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: [Seeing Lt. Crandell and Sherman come out of the shower together] Uh... Good morning.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Uh, good morning.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: That's a clever shower schedule you got worked out, sir. Conserves water too.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Lieutenant Crandell was having a little difficulty.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Sir, it's your boat.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: The scuttlebutt is that we're going to try to submerge at daybreak, and I figured if you've got to go, you might as well go big.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Mr. Holden, it's past daybreak, and we are submerged.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: We are?
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: We are.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: You mean, we're under?
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Yes.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Well, it isn't a permanent situation, er... What I'm trying to say is, I mean, we can come up if we like to.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Well, I like to think we can, but then, I'm an incurable optimist.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: What happens, sir, if we, er... What happens if we can't...?
- [he motions upward]
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Oh, well, if we can't, er...
- [he motions upward]
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: , then, we, er...
- [he motions downward]
- [Hunkle has revealed the picture of Gertie tattoed on his chest]
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: [pointing to Gertie] They oughtta to hang you in the Louvre.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Tell me something. Why did you join the Navy?
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Because I needed an officer's uniform.
- Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: [addressing the skipper] Sir, sir... There's a woman in my engine room! You gotta' get that woman outta' my engine room.
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Well, who, Tostin?
- Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: The Major. She washed her clothes and hung them up there to dry. *Stockings,* and everything! It's bad luck to have a woman in the engine room.
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Tostin, what harm can their clothes do?
- Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: That's when they're the most dangerous. They're like snakes. When they shed their skin, look out!
- [finding water all over the floor]
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Excuse me, sir, is this normal, or should I be nervous again?
- Filipino farmer: [seeing Holden's shoes] Oh, sapatos!
- Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Oh, sapatos!
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: Oh, sir, not my sapatos! Please!
- Lt. Nicholas Holden: [to the captain] Sir, in Las Vegas, the boys would say you're trying to make your point the hard way.