Hell's Angels '69

"Hell's Angels '69" takes the premise of "The Thomas Crown Affair" and re-tools it as a biker flick. It's a clever idea, and "Hell's Angels '69" is better than most biker flicks from this period, with a bit more story, character development and subtext. Unfortunately, it's still not much of a movie.

The movie's first misstep is revealing its hand from the beginning: Tom Stern and Jeremy Slate are crooks, not "real" bikers. Knowing this from the get-go removes an element of mystery, and the story might have been a bit more interesting had this fact been revealed later. Then again, the moment Stern and Slate hook up with the Hell's Angels -- featuring actual members of the notorious biker gang -- it's obvious they're not the rough n' tough bikers they claim to be. A big tip off: Slate asks the gang's sole "old lady," Conny Van Dyke, if she's ever considered settling down, getting married and raising children. Van Dyke is too clean-cut looking to really pass as a jaded biker chick (she looks much more at home in the powder blue dress and low-heeled pumps she dons later in the movie), but since that's the role she's playing one would assume she'd become suspicious when Slate starts talking like a high school guidance counselor. Apparently, these Angels were so impressed by Stern and Slate's bike tricks ("Watch this!") they're willing to overlook the guys' square tendencies.

Another misstep -- and one I'm surprised was allowed to happen -- is featuring real Hell's Angels and sanitizing them. In this movie, the gang just likes drinking Olys, riding their choppers and perpetrating vandalism, pretty much in that order. The guys get nasty in the final act, but for much of the movie they're presented as nothing more than 1950s juvenile delinquents with beards and a fondness for Nazi memorabilia.

Finally, "Hell's Angels '69" makes the same mistake of almost all biker movies: overestimating the entertainment value of guys riding bikes. You get plenty of footage of the gang riding down two-lane highways, riding through Vegas, riding through the desert, and, of course, riding through town while frightened squares look on. Yeah, they're bikers, we get it, but a little goes a long way, and it makes "Hell's Angels '69" go on a little too long.

I saw this in a theater when it came out, but I wasn't sitting with the audience, I was running the projectors. Every other biker film had come through there so I had seen them all. I didn't notice it at the time, but the dialog in this one is pretty well written. Jeremy Slate, that B movie bad guy who would show up in a big production once in a while, wrote the screenplay and he did a pretty good job.

The acting is hit or miss, since some of the important roles were played by people who weren't professional actors. A few of them spoke some funny lines which may have been improvs by the players. Those players were famous in their own right since they were Oakland Hell's Angels. The line by Tiny, "You know what? Mark it onna map fo'us" cracked me up and that was the second funny line he had spoken. Earlier in the story, he said of his aunt, "She thinks I'm still matriculatin' at Stanford."

The story and the dialog were quite a cut above what is usually on display in biker flicks. I liked this one better 54 years later when I saw it for the second time.

Like many of the low-budget hippy/biker/exploitation films of the late '60s and early '70s, Hells Angels '69 is a stomach-turningly terrible piece of movie making. From shot selection to sound to the acting, virtually everything about this film will make the average movie-goer wince in agony. I won't even go into the plot, because it's so dumb that I'd lose I.Q. points just by attempting to explain it. Suffice it to say that it's a typical biker movie of the era with a totally lame caper thrown in.

When the idea for the film was initially pitched by its writer and eventual protagonist Tom Stern, it was turned down by every major studio he went to. To get the movie made, Stern had to finance most of it out of his own pocket, which makes one wonder what kind of "masterpiece" the guy thought he had written. It boggles the imagination.

The only redeeming aspect of Hell's Angels '69 is its plethora of classic custom choppers, the shots of which alone are more than enough to make most old school motorcycle enthusiasts go out and grab a copy for the nostalgia factor alone. Along those same lines, it's kind of surreal (albeit interesting) to see actual Hells Angels of the day playing themselves in the movie -- most notably a young, slender Sonny Barger, who gives one of the best performances in the film (which is not necessarily a compliment).

Bottom line: If you like old V-twin choppers and/or biker movies in general, you'll find at least some redeeming value in Hell's Angels '69. Otherwise, I don't recommend a viewing unless you just happen to surf across it on late night television.

This movie begins with two brothers by the name of "Chuck" (Tom Stern) and "Wes" (Jeremy Slate) who mysteriously decide to head out west in order to meet the Oakland branch of the Hell's Angels. Donning a jacket with their own motorcycle club logo they manage to partially ingratiate themselves with the group and then proceed to coerce them into riding to Las Vegas. What the Hell's Angels don't realize is that these two brothers have a secret plan which carries a great amount of risk for all concerned. Now rather than reveal any more of this movie I will just say that it had a bit more mystery than most "biker films" out there and tended to get better as the movie progressed. Admittedly, the acting wasn't exactly top-notch but even so it was adequate enough. Likewise, there were a couple of scenes toward the end which seemed a bit too unbelievable but that's typical of Hollywood I suppose. In any case, I thought that this was a solid biker movie and because of that I rate it as about average.

The Orson Wells of Motorcycle films, Tom Stern, turns in one of his best performances. For nothing more than a "B" film, this turns into a highly enjoyable robbery heist flick in the nature of Ocean's 11.

Stern teams up with his buddy Jerome Slate to play spoiled,bratty, millionaire brothers who decide to rob a Vegas hotel while posing as members of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club. The story plot is surprisingly good and the acting and action scenes are very well done.

The Vegas of 1969 is captured, and boy has it changed! Hell's Angel leader Ralph "Sonny" Barger steals the show simply by playing himself. Overall an impressive effort by Tom Stern.