Sir Charles Ferguson: My name is James McLachlan Pisspot, and I am your Conservative candidate.
James McLachlan Forbes: My name is James McLachlan Forbes, and I am your Conservative candidate.
Sir Charles Ferguson: Mummy left me the most extraordinary amount of phenobarbital.
Sir Charles Ferguson: Remember the nice things. Reared in exile by a card-cheating, scandal ruined daddy. A mummy who gave us gin for milk. Ours was such a beautifully disgusting childhood.
