Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney are in their twilight years, but don't tell them that. They're spry and ready to shake up their monotonous life. At least Helen does. She has taken to the idea of joining one of those computerized dating groups in this 1971 TV movie. Hence the title. That's what they say about the form that is inserted into the database. They have made up an imaginary young lady, Rebecca Meade, and her fictional statistics to have a little fun and to while away the hours. What they didn't count on was a disturbed prospect, played too well by Vince Edwards. Myrna Loy provides the voice of reason at all stages of this outlandish enterprise, and Sylvia Sidney is her usual sweet yet quirky self. But perhaps the best scene stealers of the film are Helen Hayes, who is thriving on the excitement and Mildred Natwick who is given some of the best lines and whose character must have been quite a tease in her day. When Vince makes an advance on "Rebecca," they rebuff him, which only gives him the impetus to go off the deep end. This was a very entertaining, short and surprisingly well written film. The law is played by John Beradino, of "General Hospital" fame, and you can tell that Sylvia really takes a liking to him in their few scenes together. For a good time with some good actresses, "Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is the place to be. They keep things happening.

This movie was the possible inspiration for the TV movie and series that followed, "The Snoop Sisters."

This cast is even more formidable than the Snoop Sisters - instead of two elderly ladies, this has four. And what a group! Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Sylvia Sidney, and Myrna Loy. Poor Vincent Edwards doesn't have a chance against them.

The bored ladies decide to fill out a computer dating form, using an imaginary woman, of course, and wind up with a very eager Edwards.

Computer dating has come a long way, but alas, it's still pretty easy to attract a character like Edwards. The four women are adorable and it's worth it just to have a chance to watch them in action. Hayes and Natwick went on to play elderly detectives in "The Snoop Sisters."

This is the perfect vehicle for veteran actresses Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney. Four little old ladies living comfortably in Pasadena, reminiscing about their youth. Their flavor of the month pass time is participating in a computer dating service as a joke. Surely, this would be more amusing than their last adventure, when they decided to fill out military draft forms. Their little game leads to a string of unfortunate events, including the murder of a young prostitute.

What could have been made into a serious formula detective drama was helped by clever and amusing dialog, and the absolutely delightful quartet of aging stars, each in the typical character played so many different times over their long screen and stage careers: Sidney as the chain-smoking busybody, Natwick as the old-maid type always flattered by any attention given to her by men, Loy as the reasonable adult in the room, and Hayes as the lovable old lady with an answer for everything, for which she had just won the Academy Award the year before.

This is definitely entertainment of the 1970s, but a smart script like this one will be appreciated by audiences of all ages for generations to come. And, yes, that's "Dr. Ben Casey" as the unstable chauvinist, playing much against his beloved 1960s TV character. - This Comedy-Drama will bring joy to anybody out there with a flair for Hollywood Nostalgia. They don't write stories like this anymore, and they certainly no longer have the likes of real stars to play the parts.

Never having seen this made-for-TV movie at its 1971 release, I assumed with these four talented thespians between the ages of 60 (Sylvia Sidney) and 70 (Helen Hayes), that it was purely a comedy - and that's how it opened.

I particularly got a kick out of Shelby's (Mildred Natwick's) comment about her husband hating computers and saying "they were invented by the Democrats to destroy the Republican Party." Wow, I certainly didn't see THAT remark coming.

However, being privy to Vince Edward's character's "mindspeak" narrative got to be distracting and irritating to the point of muting. His character seemed to be in an entirely different movie from the other four veterans!

Overall, I enjoyed these four Manhattan-drinking pros immensely, especially Hayes and Natwick. Loy was not her usual Nora Charles self but rather serious as Hayes' more practical sister. And Sidney with her hat pin was a hoot. I wonder how many people will remember her in two of her later roles in Beetlejuice and Mars Attacks. It would have been a joy to see the four reunite in more movies. Rest in peace, ladies! God bless!

Nov 22

I only got to see this 1971 tv movie recently and it was ok, nothing special and surprisingly quite serious subject matter, i did expect a little more light heartedness.

I can only assume this was expected to be a series with the 4 old lady sleuths, but perhaps it didnt quite work, and surprise suprise just 1 year later....... The Snoop Sisters.

The Snoop Sisters was a 5 part whodunnit movie length series staring Helen Hayes and Mildred Natwick, who just happened to be 2 of the 4 ladies from this film.

Anway this proved to be a great idea as The Snoop Sisters was far more entertaing, funnier and just more likeable in general.

So this is OK, but if you do like this then check out The Snoop Sisters.

6 little old ladies out of 10.