- Denise: This is a wonderful traditional Yuletide game. It's called the Indian Ocean Game. Everybody sits round in a circle, and the first person to mention that the Indian Ocean is forty thousand fathoms deep, loses.
- Eric: And now, "Turnaround" takes a look at Christmas round the world. And first of all, Africa. Come in, Africa.
- [Man enters wearing a costume shaped like the continent of Africa]
- Eric: Thank you, Africa. And now, over to Australia. Come in, Australia.
- [Shot of Michael, upside down]
- Eric: Hello Sydney!
- Michael: Hello Norman!
- Eric: Thank you, Afghanistan. And now, come in, Raquel Welch.
- [No one enters]
- Eric: Oh well, it was worth a try.
- Eric: Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can't go very far wrong.
- Eric: Don't forget, when you stir the Christmas pudding, make a wish.
- Denise: I wish I didn't have to stir this pudding.
- Eric: First of all, a big hello to all our viewers. Hello Mrs. Green, hello Mr. Green, hello Mum. I think that's everyone.
- Eric: Here's a word for all of those who've been lucky enough to get away for Christmas.
- Escaped Convict: Keep out of sight and don't appear on television.
- Eric: If every day were Christmas day/By some fantastic trick/If every day were Christmas day/We'd all be bloomin' SICK.
- Eric: The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?
- [Finding a pair of ladies' underpants]
- Eric: Oh. You may wonder what these have to do with Christmas. The answer is, they're Carol's.
- Terry: You know, every Christmas, I feel like a little child. But we always get turkey.
- Chef Ivor Clarke: Ten shillings in sixpences, forty-two pounds in thruppences, and seven pence. It's going to be a rather rich pudding, but who cares.
- Michael: Here are some really exciting games you can play this Christmas. And first, from Terry, here is the A and B Game.
- Terry: Well, all the guests are divided into two teams, A and B. And B are the winners.... Well, you CAN make it more complicated if you want to.
- Michael: Here's a viewer's letter. It comes from Mrs. Margaret Forsdyke: "Since watching your program, I have become a new person. Yours sincerely, Mr. Arthur Vickers."
- Michael: I got three hundred and sixty Christmas cards!... And I'm not sending ANY of them until someone sends ME one.
- Michael: Now here's Denise to show you how to tell your friends' fortunes.
- Denise: Ask their bank managers.
- Various: [David Jason as Captain Fantastic, after a fish falls out of the sky and into his arms] I had found the place.