- Technical Adviser: [after losing her bra in "the heat of battle"] It's all right, Tiger. I've got another one at home.
- Technical Adviser: That is not what's worrying me. What is worrying me is my wife coming home and finding it.
- Technical Adviser: She'll just think it's hers.
- Technical Adviser: Don't be ridiculous.
- Ed Stander: Basic principle number one - never say you'll be where you can be proved not to be.
- Paul Manning: Boy oh boy it just gets more complicated.
- Ed Stander: Protecting your loved ones is hard work.
- Paul Manning: That's the trouble with Ruth, she's such a wonderful wife.
- Ed Stander: Look Paul, if you care enough for your wife you can always find something about her you can't stand.
- Ed Stander: Basic Principle number one: Never, NEVER say you'll be where you can be found not to be.
- Paul Manning: Do all married guys do it Ed?
- Ed Stander: No, maybe there comes a time in every marriage when a guy considers it but not all of them give in to it, only 43%. Which I think is about to go up to 44%.
- Technical Adviser: Baby, I'm sorry.
- Technical Adviser: Well, you ought to be.
- Technical Adviser: Yeah, yeah, I feel terrible, baby. I don't know why you put up with me.
- Technical Adviser: Neither do I. Did you eat?
- Technical Adviser: Yeah, I caught a hamburger in some joint, then I sort of just drove around. I feel terrible, honey.
- Technical Adviser: Well, maybe we do have chicken a little too often.
- Technical Adviser: No, honey, it's not that. It's just this crazy temper of mine. I don't know why I keep taking it out on you.
- Technical Adviser: Maybe that's what a wife is for.
- Technical Adviser: No, honey - I love your chicken.
- Technical Adviser: Really, honey?
- Technical Adviser: Most of all I love you, honey.
- Technical Adviser: I love you, honey.
- Technical Adviser: See you tonight, baby.
- Technical Adviser: [walks in catching Charlie in bed with another woman] Charlie!
- Technical Adviser: What?
- Technical Adviser: What are you doing?
- Technical Adviser: Where?
- Technical Adviser: There, with her.
- Technical Adviser: Who?
- Technical Adviser: Her. How could you?
- Technical Adviser: What?
- Technical Adviser: That.
- Technical Adviser: When?
- Technical Adviser: When I came in. You and she were...
- Technical Adviser: Who?
- Technical Adviser: You know very well who. That woman, there.
- Technical Adviser: Where?
- Technical Adviser: Charlie?
- Technical Adviser: What?
- Technical Adviser: You and that woman.
- Technical Adviser: What woman?
- Technical Adviser: The the the one who just left.
- Technical Adviser: When?
- Technical Adviser: But, Charlie.
- Technical Adviser: What?
- Technical Adviser: Aren't you even ashamed of yourself?
- Technical Adviser: Why?
- Technical Adviser: Because of... Charlie?
- Technical Adviser: What?
- Technical Adviser: What would you like for dinner.
- Technical Adviser: Joe?
- Technical Adviser: Yeah. Hi, baby.
- Technical Adviser: Hi, honey.
- Technical Adviser: How are the kids?
- Technical Adviser: Fine.
- Technical Adviser: Good. What's for dinner?
- Technical Adviser: Chicken.
- Technical Adviser: Chicken? We just had that two days ago.
- Technical Adviser: No, that was last Thursday we had chicken.
- Technical Adviser: Are you calling me a liar?
- Technical Adviser: No, honey...
- Technical Adviser: A man kills himself working for his wife and family all day long. What does he get when he gets home? Chicken and insults!
- Technical Adviser: Honey!
- Technical Adviser: Well, it's not bad enough we have chicken every day...
- Technical Adviser: We do not have chicken every day!
- Technical Adviser: Why don't you learn how to cook something else for a change?
- Technical Adviser: I do. Yesterday we had pot roast.
- Technical Adviser: Pot roast? It tasted more like the pot than the roast.
- Technical Adviser: Are you complaining about my cooking?
- Technical Adviser: Yes.
- Technical Adviser: Well, if you don't like it why don't you go someplace else?
- Technical Adviser: All right, I will!
- Technical Adviser: All right, go ahead!
- Paul Manning: [to wife] Well if you think I'm going to stick about here just watching you be cheerful you've got another think coming!