Terry Scott credited as playing...
Sgt. Major Macnutt
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: [on the subject of underwear] I am wearing them for sentimental reasons, sir. They were hand knitted by me mother.
- Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: I don't care if they were hand-embroidered by your father!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Well he did do the flowers.
- Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Flowers!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: [pointing to the red line Widdle is painting just inside the entrance] What is that supposed to be, Widdle?
- Pte. James Widdle: The thin red line. They'll never get past this!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Widdle, if you don't get out of here, I'll paint a thin red line across your thick white backside!
- Capt. Keene: We need that rope of yours to get over the wall.
- The Fakir: I'm sorry, it won't work. Not without the magic words.
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Come on, you'll be well paid.
- The Fakir: Those are the magic words! Help me off this thing!
- [Keene and McNutt lift the Fakir off, to reveal empty space]
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: What thing?
- The Fakir: Oh look - I've had a touch of the levitations!
- [the British outpost at the Khyber Pass has been attacked]
- Lady Ruff-Diamond: Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?
- Capt. Keene: I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.
- Missionary: Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!
- Pte. James Widdle: Ginger!
- Missionary: Who is?
- Pte. James Widdle: He is. Ginger, my mate.
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Private Hale ?
- Pte. James Widdle: Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.
- Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?
- Pte. James Widdle: Ginge, mate! How do you feel?
- Private Ginger Hale: Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.
- Pte. James Widdle: Only here and there.
- Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?
- Pte. James Widdle: Of course not, Ginge mate.
- Private Ginger Hale: Eh?
- Pte. James Widdle: I said, "Of course not, Ginge mate."
- Private Ginger Hale: I'm not going to be all right?
- Pte. James Widdle: Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.
- Private Ginger Hale: You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.
- Pte. James Widdle: What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.
- Private Ginger Hale: Yeah, but I didn't mean you to. You horrible little runt, you!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?
- Private Ginger Hale: They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.
- [He belches]
- Private Ginger Hale: Burpas! They... they... oooh!
- [Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly]
- Pte. James Widdle: Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!
- [Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off]
- Private Ginger Hale: That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: [McNutt and Widdle are staying behind at the pass to give the others time to retreat] We don't fire until we see the whites of their eyes
- Pte. James Widdle: I can only see the pinks... will that do?
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: *Yeah*... have a taste of *this* you *swines*!
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: [preparing for battle] Don't worry men. There's only one thing to be worried about, and that's me. And I'll be right behind you!
- Pte. James Widdle: [spotting Bungdit Din holding up some underpants] Hey, those are mine. And that's the chap who took them off me. I remember his face.
- Sergeant-Major MacNutt: I'd hate to think what he remembers of you.