Malibu Beach

"Malibu Beach" is one of several beach-themed movies Crown International released in the late '70s/early '80s. Until its recent resurrection in several DVD box sets of Crown International movies it was pretty much forgotten, and it doesn't take too long when watching it to guess why. To be fair, the movie, while low budget, never looks really cheap. (Except maybe for the scene with the shark's head, which looks worse than the shark built for the Italian JAWS rip-off GREAT WHITE.) The movie also has an attractive and likable cast. But the movie quickly becomes boring because there is essentially no plot here - it's just a bunch of vignettes loosely connected with each other. And the various attempts at humor throughout are extremely predictable with their execution and punchlines. Still, I will admit that the movie could have been much worse to sit through.

This film is one of my favorite of all time. Why? Because there's obviously something wrong with me. Who in their right mind would find brilliance in a film so thoroughly built for the quick Drive-in buck. Who would tolerate marginal acting and a non-existent storyline, a soundtrack the consists of three songs played over and over and over again, and a freeze- frame ending where everyone is laughing at a bad joke?

Who, you ask? Anyone who can see past the mechanics of this film, the strained convention and the low-budget. Crown International was the perpetrator of this relaxing slice of 1970's nostalgia and they know how to make these type of films like no one else.

There's something magical that exists between the lines of this film and how it captures the lazy days and fun nights of being a teenager and spending your days on and near the beach. It reminded me of those times back in the late 70's/early 80's. Moreover, the two lead girls have definitely got something going. And, as far as the three songs are concerned, with the exception of the synth track that seems to be the only thing that plays at the bar they all go to, the other two tracks ("I go to pieces" originally by Peter and Gordon, and "You're Gonna find love" by who the heck knows) add to the charming time machine quality of this film.

During my summers, when I was too young to see R-rated films like these, I recall that Crown used to group their latest and their last as double features. This film originally was grouped with "The Van" and later with "Van Nuys Blvd." Both MB and Van had "Dugan", whom, I guess, wasn't a popular enough character to make a franchise out of (due to the unfortunate comic stylings of Steve Oliver). Van Nuys Blvd., it seems, couldn't procure him so they created the much beloved character "Chooch" instead. A sad day for all, indeed.

I put this on sometimes when I have friends over. The typical response they have is amazement at the sheer randomness and stupidity of the movie -- but after a few minutes, no one can stop watching it. When I ask why, they usually say, "I just want to see what happens next." Sign of a masterpiece if you ask me.

Another teen centred comedy from the 1970's revolving around the beach, bikinis and the summer time. It's a comedy but the generic kind with no laughs, as it plays more like a romantic comedy. There are several different characters but we don't get to know them too much.

The cover poster art depicts a running gag where a large dog steals women's bikinis while they are lying on the beach. It was slightly humorous at first then got repetitive and wasn't funny. The end pay off wasn't anything special but we saw the collection of bikinis near the end. We wonder how they trained the dog to partake in this.

Overall it's a carefree teen summer comedy with some brief skin shown. Nothing and no character really stands out. The song playing throughout was decent.

Ingredients needed for a good coming of age teen beach sex comedy:

1 A couple of hunks with blonde hair, blue eyes, lots of pecs and no discernible personality as main characters.. CHECK

2 A nerd with a bowl haircut and thick glasses who gets on everybody's nerves because INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE NEVER ANY FUN.. CHECK

3 Two sexy young girls on vacation who start off hating our heroes but gradually, through the course of the film.. CHECK

4 At least one prudish middle-age adult who start off disapproving of the teenage hormones that surround him but gradually, throughout the course of the film.. CHECK

5. A female lifeguard in a swimsuit who is a total bombshell.. I wonder who'll be the first to pretend to be drowning so they can.. you know.. tee hee.. CHECK

6. A pair of dopey cops who try to stop the party for reasons unknown, but always end up losing.. usually tied up, with their trousers down and a pair of humiliating boxer shorts exposed.. CHECK

7. A campfire scene where everybody confesses their deepest darkest secrets and past mistakes cos, you know, even silly little films like this can have a SOUL too.. CHECK

8. Who can forget the classic skinny-dipping bit? Better make it at night though, and at a distance.. that way the young starlets won't get too embarrassed.. CHECK

9. The mandatory final love scene, which involves lots of kissing, drippy background music.. but not much in the way of movement. Oh well, as long as she's got a nice rack.. CHECK

10. Put a nice montage of all the lead characters playing on the beach over the end credits, just to show that even though summer may be finished, THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP ARE ETERNAL!! Bless.. CHECK

Oh yeah.. I almost forgot about the dog who is trained to steal bikini tops. That's a laugh, seeing this puppy with a bra in its mouth being pursued by a Playmate while she flops all over the place. Comedy gold! Benny Hill, eat your heart out! Oh, I can't go without mentioning.. wait, is anybody there.. HELLO? HELLO? I haven't finished yet!! 0/10

Some of the oldest looking graduates leave Malibu High for the promise of good times on Malibu Beach. Honestly it looked like every blond blue eyed boy in Southern California was tapped to be an extra.

No real plot, a lot of interconnected stories. The main storyline consists of Kim Lankford a new lifeguard and the rivalry for her between surfer James Daughton and bodybuilder Steven Oliver.

Malibu Beach is like an extended version of Bay Watch. Some forgettable Beach Boy type songs. Usual silliness.

But a lot of the blond and beautiful.