Supertrain

Just imagine Love Boat but instead of a ship it's on a train then add some drama and excitement to spice things. Now imagine how bad that would be. This is actually worse.

Correction: George Boone was originally played by Harrison Page, but following a timeline breach somewhere around Episode 2, all characters were retroactively replaced by Ernest Borgnine - including the women, the children, and the train itself.

By the season finale, everyone on Supertrain was Ernest Borgnine. It wasn't explained. It wasn't acknowledged. It just was.

The Borgnine Convergence

In the future, individuality collapses into a unified Borgnine Field, where every citizen has: * The face of a grizzled Navy vet, * The soul of a man who's seen Poseidon Adventure too many times, * And the laugh of someone who definitely eats lunch at 10:45 AM.

It's not reincarnation. It's Borgnification.

"In the beginning, there was one Ernest.

In the end, there will only be Borgnine."

• Book of Ratings, Chapter 13, Supertrain Edition.

One of the reasons I remember 'Supertrain' was - it was *never* shown on British TV! Actually, this was quite a scandal at the time because the BBC (our public broadcasting channel, funded by a license fee charged to every household with a TV set) paid a huge sum to screen this before it even premiered in the USA. When it completely tanked, the BBC announced they wouldn't show it - after wasting millions in license payers' money.

There is, however, a sequel. About 1985 I was watching Saturday night ITV (the commercial channel) and on came a TV movie about a supertrain. It was a one-off, no series followed, and I think it may have been the pilot episode. I remember Keenan Wynn played the railroad executive who committed his company to building the Supertrain with all its special track, signalling, etc., knowing he was dying and wouldn't have to see it make a profit. It all ended with the villain hanging on to the outside of the train while the driver (a bit of a nutter who thought he was Casey Jones) took the train to maximum speed to shake him loose. I think the villain ended up flying through an observation car window.

It was pretty awful, but an interesting curiosity to see it turn up on a rival channel six years after all the BBC fuss.

Or that's what I'm guessing the pitch for this show was.

Back in the 70's, one of the biggest shows was in fact "The Love Boat" which was a series based on a movie by the same name. Every week a colorful cast of characters on a big cruise ship, nicknamed "The Love Boat" would have some adventures, people would fall in love, there'd be banter with the crew and everything would be wrapped up in an hour's time.

Then in 1976 there was a spoof of disaster movies called "The Big Bus". The story of a giant nuclear powered bus with amenities like a bowling alley, bar / lounge, swimming pool, captain's dining room and a way to not only wash but change the tires without stopping.

Combine the two and you have one of the biggest flops on network TV called "Supertrain". It's the Love Boat on tracks. But the makers of this show seem to have forgotten something, namely the plot. While the Love Boat was a cheese fest , there was still the semblance of a plot there. The characters had motivations and reasons to be there. Whereas on Supertrain, it was the train that was the actual star. Sure you got 70's mainstays like Lyle Waggoner and Steve Lawrence to do guest starring roles but they honestly felt tacked on more than anything else.

It was the most expensive TV show made, during that time at least, and this is what led to NBC losing a ton of cash and almost going bankrupt.

It's a bad show that really should stay dead and buried.

Supertrain looked like it had potential but NBC screwed it up big time. I remember seeing promos with train racing out of the Grand central tunnel all the time and watching Express to Terror then it disappeared. If NBC hadn't rushed it through production and let the writers make decent material it might have lasted longer. I wish someone would bring it back and get it right this time. Retooling a show is usually a death sentence for it. Why did they change things after three episodes? If your gonna spend that kind of money on a show you have better keep at it until it works. NBC put all their effect into getting the effects to look realistic but never tried to fix all scripts before any were filmed. I am guessing most of the screenplays were first or second draft versions.