- Jugulia: The quality of blood in all of the big cities has deteriorated. Oh, it's due to pollution and drugs... and preservatives! Some of us are even considering coming out of the coffin, as it were, and becoming politically active. Vampire power!
- Dracula: If I'm a alive, what am I doing here? But on the other hand, if I'm dead, why do I have to wee-wee?
- Dracula: I don't even have my own fangs anymore. But in the old days, in my time of youth, I had magnificent fangs. All the ladies would say I was hung like a walrus!
- Nocturna: When I hear music, I become transformed, I become exhilarated! As a matter of fact, at those times my reflection can be seen in mirrors.
- Theodore: Am I never going to be her little yum-yum, her schnootzie-pootzie, her schnopsy-wopsy? Is she never going to molest me? Is she never going to invade my bed and abuse me, carnally?
- [Nocturna exits]
- Theodore: Bitch! Soon I'll call the shots here. I'll keep you pregnant and barefoot and let you eat under the table. I'll turn the pretty young pig into an ugly old sow.
- Dracula: My granddaughter, Nocturna, has run off with some meandering minstrel, some vagrant vocalist. I've come to take her back!
- Theodore: It takes so long. Will he never croak? Is he trying to outlive me? Shall I never be master here? How much longer must I wait - and wait and WAIT? And dream and plot? How much longer? Until the cows come home to roost or what? Master, I must be! Then I can take by force what I cannot win by my good looks: Nocturna and the hotel.
- Theodore: Now, my handsome young stud, my eager-beaver busybody loverboy, now I call the tune to which you will dance! And the tune will be The Dance of Death!
- Theodore: Why not hunt with me, Nocturna? Together we could share the thrill of pouncing on warm bodies, tearing flesh, sucking blood! And more, much more.
- Nocturna: I'm a vampire. I have no reflection. Men have always been my victims, yet now I have fallen in love with a mortal man. What is going to happen to me? A new feeling has come over me. An awareness of my woman's body and of my woman's heart. Can it be that I'm a real woman? Can I hope for a normal life or am I doomed to an eternity of bloodlust and murder?
- Theodore: Nocturna, daughter of darkness, hauntress of my dreams. Your windblown hair, your witching eyes, your fragrant lips, your firm young breasts, your frenzied little behind - ninety pounds of quivering flesh! The perfect portly mistress!
- Theodore: From nakedness to nudity. A loose woman. I'm too young to go steady, but I've always been interested in loose women. There is so much you can do with them.
- Jugulia: Oh, you naughty, impetuous boy! You should know better than to enter a lady's boudoir without knocking.
- Dracula: I tell you, it's tough getting old. You young people don't realize how miserable old age can be. But just once, I'd like to be able to sink my fangs into a pliant, fleshy neck. These lousy dentures start slipping every time I try!
- Dracula: I don't like to interfere in your life, but lately I get the feeling that you're distracted. To a vampire, that could be fatal!