- Geoffrey Scrimshaw: [First words on meeting] I'm Geoffrey. I don't happen to be attached.
- Beryl Battersby: I'm Beryl. I don't happen to be surprised.
- Beryl Battersby: Funny, isn't it, first date with someone? It always leads to one of three things: either nothing, or something, or everything.
- Beryl Battersby: Well, Sandra, this is it.
- Sandra: Yep.
- Beryl Battersby: The big day.
- Sandra: Yep.
- Beryl Battersby: Coming to the crutch.
- Sandra: Crunch.
- Beryl Battersby: I daresay it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest seeing him again. You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be. And what's more, no-one will know that I am. Cos I shan't. Truly.
- Trainee Manager (Party): Do you agree that life's an onion?
- Beryl Battersby: Pardon?
- Trainee Manager (Party): If so, what's death?
- Beryl Battersby: Umm...
- Trainee Manager (Party): A banana.
- Beryl Battersby: Oh. Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
- Trainee Manager (Party): Have you read Schopenhauer's "Concept of Existence"?
- Beryl Battersby: Erm, no - but I've seen the film.
- Beryl Battersby: [Recoiling from a passionate clinch in the park] Geoffrey! N-O spells no.
- Geoffrey Scrimshaw: It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
- Beryl Battersby: I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
- Geoffrey Scrimshaw: I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
- Beryl Battersby: Or Saturdays.
- Geoffrey Scrimshaw: [Geoffrey has walked Beryl home to her door after the cinema] I won't come in, with it being our first date.
- Beryl Battersby: No.
- Geoffrey Scrimshaw: [Disappointed] Oh.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
