Diane Keaton credited as playing...
Luna Schlosser
- Luna Schlosser: It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.
- Miles Monroe: 204, if you count my marriage.
- [last lines]
- Luna Schlosser: Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?
- Miles Monroe: Right.
- Luna Schlosser: So then, what do you believe in?
- Miles Monroe: Sex and death - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.
- Luna Schlosser: Miles, did you ever realize that "God" spelled backwards is "Dog"?
- Miles Monroe: Yeah. So?
- Luna Schlosser: It makes you think.
- Miles Monroe: Yeah. You want to push the car, please. Push the car, will ya.
- Luna Schlosser: What's it feel like to be dead for 200 years?
- Miles Monroe: Like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills.
- Luna Schlosser: "Regis - register commies, not guns." What's that mean?
- Miles Monroe: What?
- Luna Schlosser: "Register commies, not guns."
- Miles Monroe: Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
- Luna Schlosser: Oh, that was wonderful. I feel so refreshed! I think we should have had sex, but there weren't enough people.
- Herald Cohen: We'll use the Orgasmatron!
- Luna Schlosser: That's a good idea.
- Herald Cohen: Come on!
- Luna Schlosser: Do you want to perform sex with me?
- Miles Monroe: Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.
- Luna Schlosser: Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a machine here.
- Miles Monroe: Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.
- Luna Schlosser: Sex is different today. You see, we don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.
- Miles Monroe: Oh, that's incredible. So are the men are impotent?
- Luna Schlosser: Yeah, most of them, except for the ones whose ancestors are Italian.
- Miles Monroe: Alright, I knew there was something in that pasta.
- Luna Schlosser: Men go crazy over for me. I'm great physically. I got a Ph.D. in oral sex.
- Miles Monroe: Yeah, they make you take any Spanish with that?
- Luna Schlosser: What?
- Miles Monroe: Well, I don't know. I was an English major, myself. You know, Chaucer, Pope, I minored in foreplay. It's a two credit course at NYU.
- Luna Schlosser: Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in seven hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this. I need my orb! I want to relax. Look at me! Look at me. I'm shaking!
- Miles Monroe: Gee, you know you'd be great to take on a camping trip.
- Luna: Miles, I wrote a song about the revolution.
- Miles Monroe: There's not going to be any revolution, unless we stop the Aries Project.
- Luna: Don't you worry about that; you just relax. Now, listen:
- [Plays guitar and sings]
- Luna: Rebels are we! Born to be free! Just like the fish in the sea!
- [Note: the rebels in Bananas, which Woody Allen had made two years earlier, sing the same song]
- Luna Schlosser: Miles, Erno's going to lead the revolution and head the new government.
- Miles Monroe: Look, don't you understand? In six months we'll be stealing Erno's nose. Political solutions don't work. I told you that. It doesn't matter who's up there. They're all terrible.
- Miles Monroe: You remind me of Lisa Sorenson
- Luna Schlosser: Who?
- Miles Monroe: An old girlfriend from the village. A Trotskyite, who became a Jesus freak, and was arrested for selling pornographic connect-the-dot books.
- Luna Schlosser: You have to give yourself up! They won't hurt you. They'll re-structure your brain.
- Miles Monroe: Hey, nobody touches my brain; they may drop it. Then I'll talk like Mr. Lepidus who got hit by lightning.
- Luna Schlosser: [Luna's house party. Herald's arrived, bearing a gift; a Keane-like painting, of some big, doe-eyed, little girl, peering out at the viewer, from behind a pole, and is presenting it to Luna] Herald, it's wonderful! Oh, you shouldn't have, really!
- Herald Cohen: [Herald's proudly smiling, next to this videos painting] Ijust thought you'd like it!
- Luna Schlosser: [Luna's staring at it, a very long cigarette holder in one hand, and a look of intenseness is on her face, as she visually studies the painting] Oh, it's keen! It-it's pure keen! No
- [spreads her hand, as if overcome with a revelation]
- Luna Schlosser: No, it's greater than keen...
- [dramatic pause]
- Luna Schlosser: it's 'Cugat'!
- Luna Schlosser: Herald, I wrote a new poem today.
- Herald Cohen: You didn't?
- Luna Schlosser: Yes, I did: A little boy caught a butterfly, And said to himself, I must try, To understand my life, And help others, Not just mothers, And fathers, But friends, Strangers too, With eyes of blue, And lips full red and round, But the butterfly didn't make a sound, For he had turned into a caterpillar, By and by.
- Herald Cohen: It's deep! You're so obviously influenced by McKuen!
- Luna Schlosser: Oh, Herald, do you really like it?
- Herald Cohen: Only one thing, they change from caterpillars *into* butterflies. Not the other way.
- Luna Schlosser: They do? They do? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I always get that wrong!
- Miles Monroe: I'm a nice person. I have healthy life drives. I'm as good as gold. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person.
- Luna Schlosser: You're the alien.
- Miles Monroe: Yes. Yes.
- Miles Monroe: Do you believe in God?
- Luna Schlosser: Well, I believe that - that there's somebody out there who watches over us.
- Miles Monroe: Unfortunately, it's the government.