- Rhonda Cutforth-Jones: Have you ever balled another chick, Mrs Everage?
- Auntie Edna Everage: I may be old fashioned, young woman, but lesbianism has always left a nasty taste in my mouth.
- Colin 'The Frog' Lucas: Mon Dieu. I tell ya, Baz, I'd'a crawled over 'alf a mile of broken glass just to hear that little sheila piss into an empty jam tin.
- [Barry is in an English jail]
- Barry McKenzie: Look, let me out of here. I mean, there'd be no Mother England if it wasn't for Australia. Our fighting men came over here when you Poms were ready to throw in the towel. Musso and them slimy yellow nips would've flattened this dump if it hadn't been for me uncles and their superlative fighting spirit. I mean the game was nearly up for youse poms, no risk. And if it hadn't been for Australia, Musso and them slant-eyed pricks would've strung every white kiddie up by the pills and gone chocka-block with all the nurses and bus conductresses. Oh look, let me outta here you ungrateful Pommy bastard!
- Foureyes Fenton: G'day Alec. They keeping you busy?
- Sir Alec Ferguson: Busy as a one-armed taxi driver with crabs.
- Auntie Edna Everage: Did you know, Barry, that the Prime Minister and I once slept together?
- Barry McKenzie: Aw come off it Auntie, aw I don't believe it.
- Auntie Edna Everage: Yes, Barry. It was at the Sydney Opera House, during the second act of War and Peace.
- Hugo Cretin: How would you like your steak, sir?
- Barry McKenzie: Just knock off its horns, wipe its arse and bung it on a plate.
- Barry McKenzie: I'm that thirsty I could drink out of a Japanese wrestler's jockstrap.
- Auntie Edna Everage: Oh Barry don't make such crude remarks about our dear little stunted slant-eyed yellow friends.