Herbert Lom credited as playing...
Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus
- Clouseau: [on the phone] Who is that speaking?
- Dreyfus: Don't you know? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue. This is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried.
- Clouseau: Are you the head waiter that works at the little bistro on the Rue de Brossard?
- Dreyfus: No! This is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
- [after an incident involving a blind beggar]
- Dreyfus: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
- Clouseau: That is impossible.
- Dreyfus: Why?
- Clouseau: He was blind. How can a blind man be a lookout?
- Dreyfus: [Insinuating Clouseau] How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
- Clouseau: It's very simple, all he has to do is enlist...
- Dreyfus: Shut up!
- Dreyfus: [after Clouseau's fiasco with the bank robbers] ... You are suspended for six months, without pay, effective immediately! Have you anything to say?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: ...Could you lend me fifty francs?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [in Dreyfus' office, after Clouseau's apartment has been bombed] I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! It is amazing that I am still alive!
- Dreyfus: [forcing himself not to giggle] "Amazing" is not the word.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
- Dreyfus: YES! I wish you were DEAD!
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.
- Dreyfus: [Offscreen, Dreyfus accidentally fires a gun that he thought did not work. Francois rushes into Dreyfus's office to see what has happened] Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor. And then help me find my nose.
- Doctor: Describe your thoughts. Get them out in the open. You'll feel much better.
- Dreyfus: All right. See, it's always the same. Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze. It's wonderful. It's marvelous. I'm squeezing. And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel. I'm in ecstasy. And then suddenly, suddenly my problem is solv-ved.
- [while Dreyfus has been talking, he has been unintentionally strangling the doctor. He suddenly becomes aware of this as the doctor falls to the floor]
- Dreyfus: Doctor! DOCTOR!
- Dreyfus: If she's not in your custody within five minutes, you'll be checking parking meters in Martinique!