- [after an electrician uses ashes from an urn in a coffee maker to test the circuit]
- Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: That wasn't herb tea... that was Herb!
- Harry Stone: [to a defendant] Well, I'm gonna find the defendant guilty of assault and battery, and Mr. Gunther, I am gonna give you two days in the slammer. Because you've got to learn, that this is not funny, no matter what you think of the man's musical talent!
- [we see the victim who has a harmonica stuffed in his mouth]
- Dan Fielding: Be grateful it was your mouth.
- Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: If I had a dime for every woman...
- Assistant District Attorney Daniel Reinhold Fielding: You could make a phone call.
- Christine Sullivan: Oh I got married in an Italian restaurant! What could possibly be more idiotic?
- Dan Fielding: A chicken and waffle joint comes to mind.
- Bull Shannon: [approaches the cafeteria table where everyone is sitting. He is wearing boxers and a t-shirt] Hi, guys.
- Harry Stone: Bull?
- Bull Shannon: Oh, don't worry, Your Honor. I'm just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.
- Harry Stone: Bull, this isn't a dream.
- Bull Shannon: It's not?
- [everyone shakes their heads]
- Bull Shannon: Yikes!
- [Bull runs out]
- [during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]
- Harry Stone: [running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!
- [everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]
- Bull Shannon: It's Selma!
- Harry Stone: Selma, did you see that?
- Selma Hacker: I saw it, all right.
- [she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]
- Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.
- Dan Fielding: You know, one of my college roommates actually contracted rabies. He died soon after. Got run over while chasing a car.
- [chuckles]
- Dan Fielding: Just kidding. He died of rabies.
- [Mac walks in on Bull who is leaning over the rear end of a horse]
- Bull Shannon: Hi, Mac; it's not what you think!
- Mac Robinson: God, I hope not!
- Public Defender Liz Williams: [watching a videotape of a couple having public sex in Central Park] They're breaking the law, alright.
- Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: Of gravity.
- Phil Sanders: [suggesting a slogan for Dan's mayoral campaign] The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!
- [on trial are a group of beauty contestants who attacked their sneaky pageant coordinator]
- Dan Fielding: Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin.