- Princess Jehnna: How do you attract a man? What I mean is, suppose you set your heart on somebody, what would you do to get him?
- Zula: Graaaaab him! And take him!
- Princess Jehnna: Conan! There are six of them against her!
- Conan: One, two, three... I think you're right.
- Malak: My cousin's sister's brother never said anything about bars. How do we get back up?
- Akiro 'The Wizard': The bars were put up after your sister's brother's cousin escaped!
- Malak: Cousin's sister's brother! How many times do I have to tell you that?
- Akiro 'The Wizard': You said your sister's brother's cousin!
- Zula: Who cares who's sister's brother's cousin it is? What difference does it make?
- Princess Jehnna: Could there ever be anyone else?
- Conan: - Drunk - Another Queen? Lot on your knife... Uh, not on your life!
- Conan: [Drunk, helping Jenna with throwing his sword up, hits Malik in the head] Good. Now you're ready to take on anybody!
- [first lines]
- Akiro 'The Wizard': [voiceover] Between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, sword in hand. It is I, his chronicler, who knows well his saga. Now, let me tell you of the days of high adventure.
- Akiro 'The Wizard': The bars were put up after your sister's brother's cousin escaped!
- Malak: Cousin's sister's brother. How many times do I have to tell you that?
- Zula: Who cares who it is? What difference does it make?
- [last lines]
- Akiro 'The Wizard': [voiceover] So it was that Conan mourned his lost Valeria. At length he sought adventure in distant lands and trod the jeweled thrones of the earth beneath his sandaled feet. Until at last, he found his own kingdom and wore his crown upon a troubled brow.
- Queen Taramis: You are a Cimmerian. The Cimmerians have no rulers. You're a barbarian. You live free in the world. You owe allegiance to no one. Is that not so?
- Conan: It is and it always will be.
- Queen Taramis: You're afraid of magic. And you will have to deal with it.
- Conan: What good is a sword against sorcery?
- Queen Taramis: Then you're afraid to go?
- Conan: No. I will find a way.
- Akiro 'The Wizard': lf there is anything here that you like, try not to take it.
- Malak: I know when to steal and when not to.
- Queen Taramis: Tomorrow you start your journey. You'll need all your strength. Your destiny is at hand. Sleep. Sleep. All our destinies are at hand, even Conan's.
- Princess Jehnna: Do you think he's handsome?
- Bombaata: Very ugly.
- Princess Jehnna: No, not him. Conan.
- Bombaata: Can't you judge for yourself?
- Princess Jehnna: But how can I? How many times have I seen a man? A real man. All I've seen is you.
- Bombaata: We don't need him, my Queen.
- Queen Taramis: I don't need the Captain of the Guard to steal a key. That is a task for a thief. What I need you for is to see that this dear child is returned safely to the palace with both the treasure and her virginity intact.
- Malak: Those savages should thank me, sparing them a terrible stomachache. Why would they wanna eat someone as old and as sour as you?
- Akiro 'The Wizard': They thought if they digested me, my magic would be in their blood.
- Malak: At least they coulda washed you first.
- Princess Jehnna: I didn't know women could be warriors.
- Zula: All my tribe are warriors.
- Princess Jehnna: Well, it seems that men like women warriors.
- Zula: Some.
- Princess Jehnna: She said that if she wanted a man, she'd reach out and take him.
- Malak: Good idea.
- Princess Jehnna: But then what? I mean, you've got him. What do you do with him?
- Malak: That's easy. You see, you just - you, eh - well, you see, in order for a man to really know a woman and for her to know him, they have to - eh - they have to - to join.
- Princess Jehnna: Join?
- Malak: Eh, eh, get together. You see, he has to take his - his, eh, eh - and grab her by the - eh - there you are. Joined. I mean, how do you think flowers grow?