- [Julian asks Mary about painting the master bedroom]
- Julian: It's House and Condo's Color of the Month.
- Mary: I don't care if it's Baskin Robbins flavor of the month! You are not painting our bedroom passion purple!
- Lester: Passion Purple, Are you Crazy?
- Travis: Cheap! $3.95 a gallon and they threw in the beret!
- Julian: Balderdash!
- Pee-Wee Herman: We sure picked a dumb time to not be invisible.
- Sandra: By this summer, I can buy anything I want. I wonder if the Washington Redskins are for sale.
- Sandra: [after receiving a bouquet of flowers] Oh, Mary! You know what? These are probably from Tony apologizing for last night.
- Mary: You see there? All upset for nothing.
- Sandra: [reading the attached note] Oh! Dear Snookums, please accept these flowers as well as an invitation to dinner Friday night at La Bamba! Love, Tony!
- Mary: La Bamba? Child, that place is so expensive, even the doorman takes credit cards.
- Sandra: [laughs] Oh, look, Mary, isn't this cute? There's a P.S! Please don't tell... Sandra.
- [voice changes to an angry tone upon realizing the flowers are for her roommate, Donna]
- Donna Dalton: Hi!
- [seeing flowers in Sandra's hand]
- Donna Dalton: Oh, those are so pretty!
- Sandra: They're yours.
- Donna Dalton: Aw!
- [grabbing the flowers]
- Donna Dalton: From who?
- Sandra: From Tony.
- Donna Dalton: Aw! I wonder where I should put them?
- Sandra: [menacingly moves towards Donna] I know exact...
- Mary: [while pulling Sandra back] Uh! Uh! Um!
- Donna Dalton: I-Is there something wrong?
- Sandra: [mockingly] I-Is there something wrong? Yeah, there's something wrong! You obviously made a mistake in judgement! Nobody, I mean, nobody messes with Sandra Clark!
- Donna Dalton: What are you so upset about? You got a 100 guys calling you!
- Sandra: [defiantly] Well, today's it's 99.
- Rose Lee: Mary, now you know I am a very understanding person.
- Sandra: HA!
- Rose Lee: But I told Sandra if she didn't have that rent money by the end of the week, she was out of here!
- Sandra: And after all the favors I've done for her!
- Rose Lee: Favors? What favors?
- Sandra: What about last week? You were feeling kind of low. You spent all that money on a new dress and you didn't know if it was attractive. You came to me for help, and I looked you straight in the eye and said it was gorgeous.
- [smugly]
- Sandra: I lied, Rose.
- Rose Lee: [while interviewing applicants to be Sandra's roommate] Hello, I'm Rose Holloway, the landlady here, and this is Miss Sandra Clark.
- Muffin Tee Matthews: [in a Southern accent] Nice to meet you! Muffin Tee Matthews
- Sandra: Muffin?
- Muffin Tee Matthews: Oh, that's not my real name. I just use it for the beauty pageants.
- Sandra: Beauty pageants?
- Muffin Tee Matthews: And may I say that living with you would be so fufilling and rewarding!
- Sandra: What are you, Miss Congeniality?
- Muffin Tee Matthews: No. I'm Miss Tuscaloosa. And next year, we're going after Miss America. My manager says I'm a perfect 10!
- Sandra: Oh, what a shame!
- Muffin Tee Matthews: Why?
- Sandra: Rose has it in her lease: Two perfect 10's can't share the same apartment.
- [grabbing Muffin's hand]
- Sandra: Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh, thank you! See you on the runway... Miss Tuscaloosa!
- [pushes Muffin out of the door]
- Mary: [while watching Donna walking, laughing, and flirting with two guys] Um, Madonna? I mean... Donna. I think we need to talk.
- Donna Dalton: Sure, Aunt Mary, what about?
- Mary: [referring to Donna's new look and attitude] About your... your, um... difference.
- Donna Dalton: Oh, I know, isn't it wonderful? I feel like a whole new person! I've never had this much fun in my entire life! I feel so good and confident about myself! Coming to see you and Uncle Lester has been the best thing that's ever happened to me! Oh, I love it here!
- [kisses Mary on the cheek and walks inside the apartment]
- Pearl Shay: Well, you sure straightened her out.
- Alexandria DeWitt: And this must be Brenda.
- Brenda: Yes, Ma'am. I mean, hi.
- Alexandria DeWitt: Brenda, this should be fun. Do you like music?
- Brenda: Oh, I love music!
- Alexandria DeWitt: Good, I brought my entire collection of the Three B's.
- Brenda: What group is that?
- Alexandria DeWitt: Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms.
- Brenda: Oh, I like rap: Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince?
- Alexandria DeWitt: Oh, honey, you'll grow out of it.
- Alexandria DeWitt: And you must be...
- Sandra: Oh, I'm Madame Curie.
- Alexandria DeWitt: Oh, you're much prettier than she.
- Sandra: Ah! Give this kid a Nobel prize!
- Alexandria DeWitt: Oh, she won one of those for the betterment of mankind.
- Sandra: Oh, gee! We both work for the same cause!
- Alexandria DeWitt: Now Brenda, would you kindly show me to my room?
- Brenda: You mean, MY room.
- Alexandria DeWitt: [in a disgusted tone] You mean, we're SHARING?
- Brenda: Well, actually, the hall closet is empty.